Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

dogmumofspringers

Never in a million years would I have expected my bridesmaids to pay for my portion of the costs for my own hen do, that's ridiculous! I understand weddings aren't cheap (though I managed mine on a very tight budget) but if the bride can't afford to go on her own hen do, then maybe she should consider downsizing it a bit, or maybe just stick to one hen do that she can afford!

[Deleted User]

Do we think it's reasonable for the bride to have two hen parties, one overseas, both at the expense of her bridesmaids (although presumably the hen parties will include other friends and not only bridesmaids)?  No, it is completely unreasonable, and greedy.

squirrel59

Sounds pretty insane to me. Look, if you're all wealthy, well, why the hell not? But if you're not, then it's ridiculous. Clubbing together for a night on the town sounds ok to me, but a trip abroad?? Whoever came up with this idea wasn't thinking straight.

Advisetotry

I wouldn't consider myself old.... but I had an evening out with my friends and family arranged for me by my bridesmaids, we had a meal to include the 'older family members' then those who wanted to went dancing/drinking. Arrangements were made without my knowledge so it was a lovely stress free suprise - I paid for my meal and my friends treated me to drinks in the evening. We didn't stay at any plus hotels as the 'stags' got us all home and took their turn the following weekend so that we could repay the compliment. 
I don't think the debate is so much around 'who should pay' more about the excess of celebration - is there a need or expectation to spend so much money and have so many events at what is an already expensive time in your life? Afterall those celebrating with you are hopefully people who love and know you, right? So just talk to each other from the outset - communication will always win over cost.

beenroundtheblock

I assume you and the other bridesmaids have discussed this-if not you MUST so you are all of the same mind and decide what you can all manage. As others have said, if you are paying for the dress and accessories, hairdresser and makeup girl, in a hotel, it all adds up!! Then go to the bride and explain the issue. I can't see why two hen nights are needed anyway! Sounds somewhat over the top to me!

sjaeagle5

Paying for two hen dos and the bride expects to be paid for?
Jog on!

dgcymraeg

Yes to a hen do in this country-a nice gesture, but not paying to go abroad unless maybe if a large group are going there may be a discount? The bride shouldn’t expect it anyway. Aren’t dress fittings free? Are you paying for your own bridesmaid dress or is the bride paying?

Pollycat

What a load of nonsense!

Why do people need want 2 hen parties?
Why do people need want to go abroad for hen parties?

I would disabuse the bride of her expectations about being paid for by bridesmaids.

And I'd distance myself from such a person to the extent I'd not be a bridesmaid or even attend the wedding.
She's a user.

gothvixen

The lunacy of American bridal events has arrived here, because if brides there can get away with multiple demands, selfish brides here will choose to do the same. I can almost hear the petulant bride berating her bridesmaids for not supporting her dream, and not being true friends. This nonsense should be nipped in the bud. Agreeing to be a bridesmaid in the US can involve buying your own dress, shoes and accessories, paying for her vision of hair and makeup, organising, paying for, attending and bringing a gift for the bridal shower, the events specified by OP plus any others demanded, then gift plus attendance at the wedding, which may be a destination event, and performance of any duties on the day at the bride's whim. It is outrageous. People need to say no.

saajan_12

This is conflating two social conventions IMO. 
* Paying for the person being celebrated eg for birthdays makes sense where its in place of a gift
* Participants paying for themselves where they are jointly throwing a celebration for someone else where no gift is expected (as that would come at the wedding and/or bridal shower). These aren't hosted by the bride so she doesn't pay for everyone. But equally everyone doesn't need to pay for her.