Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

LAMBS60

My DIL had a hen night in Uk and female friends and family were invited. Between us all not just bridesmaids, we paid for the bride . Not a lot each then . She had a smaller short holiday with her bridesmaids and close friends. No one was expected to pay for her , it’s already expensive when you travel to another country . They paid for a nice celebratory dinner for her . Sadly, it gets difficult to say I can’t come , I can’t afford it . 

Agent57

No! No! No!

Ed264

TWO hen parties, one in the UK and the other abroad?!!! To put it as politely as I can, this seems somewhat extravagant. And as for the bridesmaids to then be expected to pay for it all.....I've never heard anything like it.  

Emmia

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

I personally wouldn't pay for a spa / pampering session for myself in a 5* hotel (and Dubai, thanks, but no thanks) so I definitely wouldn't pony up for the bride. If she wants a pampering session overseas at vast cost, then she's free to pay for it. 

It's very easy to spend someone else's money, on things you'd think twice about before spending your own. 

I didn't have a hen do, didn't want one. But if I did, it wouldn't be overseas, and I'd pay my own way. I don't know what other people's financial position is and I wouldn't want to burden someone who might be hiding a money struggle.

As the bride I paid for the dresses for my bridesmaids (£30 each from BHS) and the hair and makeup for my bridesmaids and my mum on the day itself.

benedictadams

as others have said why does she need two events?

only the person posing the dilemma would know if the bride would be forking out if she was the bridesmaid, she might  but in a cost of living crisis how many people could afford two likely to be expensive events plus the cost no doubt of an expensive gift on the wedding day

the person also doesn't say if the bride is expecting the bridesmaids to be paying for the own dresses

i don't want to appear to be tight fisted but it sounds like they are going to be forking out at least a thousand quid (flights, drinks, hotel, whatever the thing they are going abroad for, gift,their share of the brides costs for her hen events,  hotel for the wedding day, possibly the dress, make up costs, hair appointment, new shoes, drinks, etc),

Itsarz2

Just what is going on these days? Simple answer - NO ! A local night out, drinks, meal, taxi etc is one thing, but nothing more. You have been asked to be a Bridesmaid, not a banker for her wedding. I’d say “thank you, but no thank you”.

Jodo

The answer is no, you should not have to pay for the bride, the whole thing is ridiculous. A similar situation happened with my daughter when she was asked to be a bridesmaid. She dropped out.

All_Ears

Easy riposte: would you like me to pay for your hen dos or would you like a present? I can't give you both!

John_Gray

If a bride has the attitude that she will freeload off all her friends, then you want to be very sure that she doesn't ask them to pay for her divorce party...

Peter_Vince

ONE hen-party, locally, then fine - a present for the bride, but a) 2 parties, and b) abroad - no!