Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

primrose_penguin

Definitely not, if the Bride wants 2 hen parties then she should pay for them herself, not expect her Bridesmaids to pay for themselves plus her share, what a cheek. I think you should all stick together and have a word with her. If you cannot afford to pay for yourself to go to the hen parties I would tell her you will not be coming, or if you can afford to pay for one of them you choose which one to go to, but only pay for yourself. I expect you are all also having to pay for your own dresses, shoes etc. Years ago the Bride would pay for the Bridesmaids dresses etc. Today things have got out of hand in events like these, some Brides seem to be totally selfish and greedy. It is HER wedding and if she cannot afford to pay for what she wants then she should choose something simple but meaningful instead.

TamsinBrown

You've said that the bride expects the bridesmaids to pay for themselves, plus pay for her. She's expecting that and, presumably, you know this because the bride has voiced these expectations. It sounds as though you've agreed to all of the expectations.

Because you've agreed doesn't mean you can't change your mind.

It could mean the end of a friendship.

What do you want? To live with resentment towards somebody who you had previously thought of as a good friend? Or do you think you can accept what the bride wants without resentment?

Back over to you for your decision...

Hoenir

Have to say that the American self-indulgence culture creeping everywhere is becoming nauseous. 

TimmyMummy

I'm really hoping this is a joke. 

"Most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much"

Do many MSE Forumers do this??

TimmyMummy

Re the original post, I had a night out for a hen do several years ago and wouldn't dream of letting anyone pay for me. They offered and I said no. I even ended up paying for a table and drinks to get everyone into a nightclub as it was the only way to get anyone to go, or else we'd have been in bed by 10pm (as it was, it was about 11pm). Good friends would not expect others to foot the bill for them.

kimwp

unforeseen said:

This is an Americanism creeping in where the bridesmaids have to pay for the bride.

Stamp on it straight away. Why 2 hen parties? She'll change her mind if she has to pay out herself. 

It seems that in some parts of America, bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dress, hair, makeup, jewellery and shoes for the wedding - all details dictated by the bride. In addition to funding the various pre wedding events. It's beyond silly.

kimwp

Fatsdom said:

most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday

I'd be surprised if even all the top 5% of earners in the UK thought this. The wider world has a much greater skew.

Emmia

TimmyMummy said:

I'm really hoping this is a joke. 

"Most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much"

Do many MSE Forumers do this??

I think it comes from someone who has never worried about money, has a wealthy background and makes a presumption that everyone is as fortunate...

If only that were true.

Minnie_Mad

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

 I've been asked to be a bridesmaid, which will include going to a dress fitting and two hen parties - one in the UK and one abroad. The bride's expecting the other bridesmaids and me to pay for these events ourselves, and also pay for her portion between us. Given that we've agreed to go to all these events for her, should we have to pay for her to attend them too?

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It’s not about who “should” pay. If you can’t afford to pay you need to say so now and not get into debt. If it means pulling out as a bridesmaid then so be it.  

pinkangorasweater

This is both sad and rude. Who decided on two parties and where? Clearly they didn't ask if these plans were appropriate for the bridesmaids. 2 or 3 bridesmaids would seem normal, not many to consult surely?
My daughter was invited to a friend's hen do in Barcelona and wedding in France, she really wanted to go but wasn't a high earner like the bride and friends. She had to say no to both and was deeply disappointed because she missed her friends wedding - and she felt 'less than' because she had to refuse both. 
I went to New York for a wedding and was utterly boggled to be told 'the first drink is on us' and was then presented with a share of the bill for the meal. I drink coke, others were drinking lots of wine and spirits so I had a 'free' coke and paid for a trip to New York and for 19 others to drink lots of alcohol as well! 
This stuff is all a farce. If you're a bridesmaid, you pay for your outfit, a suitable gift and the rest is on the happy couple. Don't think I'd want to be a bridesmaid at this wedding. It's not an honour, it's just a burden. Please, please, don't get lumbered with this cost and don't be embarrassed to say no.