Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

ApolloHubble

You say that the bride is 'expecting' all bridesmaids to pay. Was this her idea? What do the other bridesmaids think? If you all could not afford this trip abroad, it wouldn't happen. Perhaps finding out what the others think might be better - then as a collective talk to your expectant bride about your concerns.

JustGemini

When I was a bridesmaid, the bride paid for the outfit & all associated costs with being her bridesmaid.  Re hen nights - if local then fine for everyone (not only the bridesmaids) should contribute to cover the bride's costs.  Going abroad - unless you can easily afford & want to go, I would decline!

Bradmore

No - this is an extravaganza.

sheramber

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Fatsdom

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

Hoenir

Fatsdom said:

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

One day your husband might realise how little he has to show for the hours spent at the grindstone.  He'll never get that lost time back. 

FrugalAspirations

I think it's normal to split the cost of the bride between all attendees if it's a fairly standard affair, but it's a bit much when it's two hen dos and one of them is abroad. The bride should contribute.

Mark_d

I don't have experience of hen parties myself but if I'm hosting an event, I don't expect my guests to be out of pocket.

We held a significant party for my tenth wedding anniversary.  We paid for the event, food and one round of drinks.  I sort of expected guests to bring gifts/buy drinks for us...but I certainly wasn't counting.  Having the guests there with us was what meant the most to us.

I've been to bucks parties to Alton Towers etc. - everyone paid for themselves.

Inviting someone to two parties and expecting them to pay is rather inconsiderate.  Expecting them to pay for me would be outright ridiculous.

kimwp

Fatsdom said:

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

I think the fact that you think not having tutors or a gardener are sacrifices compounds views expressed earlier that you are wealthier than most and somewhat naively think others are as financially fortunate.

Pollycat

Fatsdom said:

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

I agree with this.

But paying for a hen do to a place I probably wouldn't choose to go to, at a time I might not choose to go is not the same as a holiday I choose for myself.

Having a pamper session in a 5* hotel is something I've never experienced and wouldn't thank you for if you paid for it.

We all have different ideas when it comes to holidays.
What suits you will almost certainly not suit me (or other posters with the same thoughts as me).

Nobody needs to 'live a bit more' to experience the things you enjoy..

+1 to this:

kimwp said:

Fatsdom said:

sheramber said:

Fatsdom said:

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

You live in a doffernt world to most of us , if not all, here

I have never set foor is a n5 star hotel in Paris or Dubai, never mind have a pamper in one.

Then you need to live a bit more. My husband works day and night so we can do these things. We make sacrifices all the time, we don't use a gardener or tutors for the kids, but holidays are "our" time and it's non negotiable. 

Try it sometime, you might like it!

I think the fact that you think not having tutors or a gardener are sacrifices compounds views expressed earlier that you are wealthier than most and somewhat naively think others are as financially fortunate.