Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

daisydoodaa2022

Absolutely ridiculous. The brides friends have enough to pay for with the expense of the wedding. To expect them to pay for them to attend their hen do is beyond cheeky. Where has this concept of 2 or 3 hen do’s come from anyway? 

If the bride wants this she should pay for herself. I’ve even seen some brides expecting people to pay for her outfits for the hen do. You have enough to pay for with the wedding, your own costs towards the hen do not to mention the several outfits you’ll probably need as there’ll no doubt be a theme. Tell her to jog on. 

I’m getting married and I’m having a cheap afternoon tea with a few drinks afterwards. I don’t want people struggling to pay for something they can’t afford and I wouldn’t dream of asking people to pay for me. A hen do should just be a celebration that you’re getting married with your friends. Not putting them into debt or awkward positions. 

Spiderroo

Just say no. Their wedding may be their no 1 priority but it doesn’t have to be yours. 

When I was younger I spent so much money attending hen dos and over time I’ve realised a) I don’t always enjoy other people’s hen dos and b) by prioritising paying for them I was denying myself a holiday doing things I DO like. 

They’ve got pretty extravagant plans for their hen do! I’m having my hen do next year and I’m having one that’s local and affordable so everyone can attend or even dip in and out, depending on their budget and circumstances. I’ve also already said I’ll pay for myself because my celebration shouldn’t be everyone else’s burden.

It’s a choice between something cheap and cheerful which is accessible to all because you want people there the most or something pricey, excluding some people, because the experience is more important to you. They chose the latter so they either need to pay for themselves or accept some people won’t come because they can’t afford to pay for themselves and her (or maybe can’t afford their own costs). 

Lucylastik

DullGreyGuy said:

Is it the maid of honour that has set up these two events or the bride themselves? 

There is no right or wrong answer and many people have opposing views on it. To me if it's something minor (food/drinks etc) then fine for the attendees to chip in and cover the hen/stag between them. If its a week in a 5* hotel in Dubai then feels more appropriate for them to pay for themselves and maybe one meal/drinks etc is split 

Hopefully whoever is organising it will have come to an agreement with others before committing. 

"The bride's expecting the other bridesmaids and me to pay for these events ourselves, and also pay for her portion between us."

This sounds like it's the BRIDE that has arranged these events, seeing as the OP has been invited as a bridesmaid, as seeing as one of the events (why two anyway) IS abroad, then why should the bridesmaids be expected to foot the bill?

jay1234bf

Nope x x x

leedsbird

Absolutely NOT! What sort of self entitled person expects 2 free hen weekends? Shouldn’t she be treating her bridesmaids by way of thanks?? I don’t think she’s a very good friend. 

akira181

1. 1 party UK - Sure, one night, easy enough. It'll be the one where most people turn up
   
2. 1 dress fitting - Yeah, if you got the time
   
3. 1 abroad - Begrudgingly as the bridesmaid, if you can make/afford it. Personally I hate hen/stag parties abroad. The locals and tourists hate you (assumption that hens/stags tend to get rowdy) and it takes up a full weekend plus expenses. I imagine this group will be much smaller, especially since there's 2 parties planned already
   
4. Pay for the events yourself - Naturally, pay your own way
   
5. Pay for the bride - Absolutely not!

Tell bridezilla to pay for herself or she'll be lucky to have anyone turn up to her wedding, never mind 2 hen parties.

CapricornLass

My friend had a spa weekend for her hen do - but we all paid our own bills, including the bride.

Unless the bride is a really special friend - in which case, talk to her and tell her you can't afford it  and if she is a really special friend then she will understand and accept that - then I would politely decline the honour of being a bridesmaid.


Two hen dos is ridiculous anyway.  She's only having one wedding.

Eccentrica_Gallumbits

I would not be going to two hen parties, one in the UK, one abroad. That's ridiculous on its own and the expense could be crippling. You're already going to have to buy the happy couple a wedding present. 

As for covering the bride's costs, well, that is just ridiculous. As others have said, it's one thing if the hen event is a night out with a meal and a few drinks. Then you might feel you would like to cover her costs, although I don't think it should ever be expected.

I don't know. Are you sure you really want to be friends with people who are this insensitive about money?! I don't think I would.

LindsayJames

This isn't really a dilemma. It's a hard no!!

shropshirelady

Stupid idea. Question is, does the bride want a marriage or a fancy wedding.