Money Moral Dilemma: Should us bridesmaids have to pay for the bride to attend her own hen parties?

gloriouslyhappy

These pre-wedding events get more and more ridiculous. A dinner out with drinks at a club afterwards and everyone pays for themselves and chips in to pay for the bride is quite sufficient.

All this expensive foreign travel and mandatory activities as well as dress, shoes etc to pay for is simply outrageous. If the bride wants it, the bride pays..

ripongrammargirl

When I got married in 2006 I asked 10 people including sister and mum to join me at a theatre show in London. Not ONE of them answered my written invitation let alone came to see a show. It was that moment I realised I had zero friends and family didn’t care either. To this day I still have no friends as everyone treats me like dirt on their shoe. So I never had a hen party or any other occasion pre- wedding. Therefore why go to any hen party at your expense and coughing up for bridezilla? How insensitive is this woman to the monetary and time situation of her friends? Go to the one in the UK only, don’t pay for anything other than yourself and question whether you really need this person as a “friend” as she seems like a taker, not a giver. Also consider the fact that in a few years (whilst you are still paying off this debt) she will be asking for money for the divorce solicitor! As with all these “dilemmas”, if you can’t afford it the simple phrase is “Sorry, I can’t afford it” and then see if she really is a friend or a freeloader. Just crazy.

jonnybravo147

I'd expect everyone going to split the costs, excluding individual costs if arranging own travel, hotel, etc. I would want to know how much it'll cost and what's included. Then I can decide if I can afford one, both or none of the trips.

Have you been on previous trips with her on other hen nights, etc and were the costs split? If yes, why does she think she can get hers for free? Maybe she used all her money on the wedding? Either talk to her if she's a close friend or decline the invitation

unforeseen

This is an Americanism creeping in where the bridesmaids have to pay for the bride.

Stamp on it straight away. Why 2 hen parties? She'll change her mind if she has to pay out herself. 

Vivid_Rainfall

No, NO followed by "hell, NO".

Is this woman really a friend, or is she someone out to use others for her own benefit?

eao

Retreat in good order; ie withdraw from the whole circus.  How can a bride ask her friends to take on such expense though that is not the most outlandish that I have heard of: was there not an MMD some years ago requiring the hen party girls to pay for the bride's mother to go to Spain also.

grannyto2

I’m afraid I don’t agree with these modern ideas of hen parties - surely the money used would be better spent towards the future home! Also being asked to pay for the bride is ridiculous especially when she is having two parties!! And going abroad!! Please come to your senses.

Fatsdom

I'm from an international culture where the bride doesn't pay a penny for anything so I'm fully supportive of paying for both hen parties. Yes, it is undoubtedly going to cost a bit of money but most of the guests wouldn't think twice about paying for themselves to be pampered in a five star hotel in Paris/Dubai or go on a skiing holiday, so why not do it for a dear friend? It's only money, and it won't cost that much.

No doubt the guests will all quite happily enjoy the meal and entertainment at the wedding too.

So yes, I think they should pay, and if they don't they are mean spirited and frankly the bride doesn't need them.

Just_An_Opinion

The fact you're asking the question is enough to know you shouldn't be paying. 
It's a nice surprise if 10+ people throw in an extra £20 to cover a hotel bill and drinks but paying for 2 Hen-dos is just a ridiculous plan.

You've also got the hotel on the night of the wedding along with all the crazy priced hair and make-up which by the sounds of the bride they'll be expecting you to pay for too and then a wedding gift.

Going to a wedding should be fun and not something you need to remortgage for or take out a loan to attend.

tomorrow92

I have had this situation happen to me twice in one year. Honestly I felt I couldn't say no. Both were work colleagues and close friends at the time. 
The first was a trip to Dublin. It cost me about £700 for the whole weekend. Including paying for the Bride which only added about £175 as we all put a kitty in to cover her drinks for the weekend. I hated the whole weekend but she is still a good friend. 

The second was a weekend in Liverpool which was a disaster from the start. The whole weekend cost me well over £1000 initially including paying for the Bride. They forced us to put in a kitty for everyone's drinks for the maid of honour to control. I don't drink alcohol so I was pretty much paying for other people. Secondly we were told not to drink on the minibus but everyone ignored this so he refused to pick us up meaning I had to then pay more for a last minute train home costing me an extra £200. We were staying in a hotel specifically for hen parties which had a hot tub in the room which held 6 and a smaller room for 4 (there were 8 guests plus the bride). The maid of honour put down a £2500 deposit for these two rooms as it was a hen party I thought nothing of it. We were told we could not put the hot tub on. I was staying in the other room as a work colleague. One the second night the bride and a few other guests arrived home drunk, put the hot tub on and then proceeded to fall asleep. Flooded the whole room and had water going through the ceiling by the time anyone noticed. I got a message a few days before the wedding from the maid of honour asking us all to send her £325 each as she lost the deposit. The bride was not expected to pay. At this point I left the group chat and didn't attend the wedding. I haven't spoken to the bride since. I was not in the room and I did not cause the damage. Be very careful what you agree to pay for. This was a very expensive year for me with a lot going on my credit card which I am still paying off 5 years later (24 and stupid)