Money Moral Dilemma: Should I help pay my boyfriend's travel costs if we move further from his work?

squirrel59

If you BOTH want him to move in, then it's only reasonable to pick a place somewhere in the middle. If you're not bothered, then move where you want and damn the consequences.

brizzie_2

It will be your flat and he would be a guest. You're not moving in together - joint call - he's wants to move in with you. So it's a definite no, and frankly a warning sign. He wants to move in with you because his agreement is up and that's not a great reason to cohabit.

Vixon33

I believe if he is asking for you to contribute, when as already said- his monthly outgoings will already be drastically reduced- then it feels controlling. 

It’s his decision to move in with you or not- saving himself ££. 

Also I agree with those who said moving in together just because his rental is ending …isn’t a solid basis. 

I also agree it would be different if you were getting married and choosing a place together, but if he’s just jumping on your bandwagon into YOUR house you have picked and decided to move to… then his decision should come with his own costs. 

I also am of the opinion- right or wrong - unless one is married or own property/kids together, no one should ask for regular money from the other party. 

dog_dude

Absolutely not. He wants to move in with you as his contract is ending,  so you're an easy option. Would you want him to move in is the first question - and will he be paying rent/bills? Sounds like you're the one making decisions and being proactive and he can't be arsed to work out his own living arrangements. 

glitterballfrexx

Put that man in the bin and get a new boyfriend!

cheerful

Always beware potential OP bias.  The OP does not state if the relationship is serious/long-term or if they are already planning to move in together in the future.  Also the OP does not tell us if it will be a joint purchase/rental (it seems unlikely this would not be the case but "I want to buy" make it sound as though the OP is paying for it and the boyfriend would be living rent free).  All of this crucial information is omitted.  

Some MMDs are carefully worded in a way likely to elicit a particular response that the OP could then use to support a course of action they have already decided upon.

Suppose this were the question:

My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together.  The contract on the flat he rents is ending so this would be the obvious time to make this move otherwise he's likely to be locked into another contract.  I want us to buy or rent a house 15 miles nearer to where I work so I spend less time and money on commuting but this would be farther away from my boyfriend's work so he would be spending more time and money on commuting.  He has suggested that we find somewhere of equal benefit to us both but I think the location should be based on what is cheapest and most convenient for me alone and he should just accept that and bear the extra time and cost for himself.  Is that fair?

We do not know if this question would be more truthful but we also do not know that it would not.

Always beware criticising the person who has not had a chance to tell their side of the story.

ID4forum

Would he not want to live with you if you were already living 15 miles away? If not, you are just a convenience! 

Also, you say that he wants to move in with you - do you want that too? It's not just about him.

Oh_Baubles

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm looking to buy or rent a house 15 miles nearer to where I work so I spend less time and money on commuting. But my boyfriend, who wants to move in with me as the contract on the flat he rents is ending, says he'll end up spending more time and money commuting as he'll be further from his work. He wants me to either move only half the distance or contribute towards his increased travel costs. Is that fair?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
View past Money Moral Dilemmas.

Is you boyfriend going to be paying 50% of the cost of renting/buying? You don't say so I assume not. In which cae, don't get taken for a mug by his skinflint. Time to ditch and switch!

[Deleted User]

I can understand your boyfriend wanting to cut his time and money spent in commuting, I don't understand why he doesn't respect your wishes to do the same, especially as he is the one wanting to join you, and it all seems to be your initiative and expense.  Move alone, if you decide to live together later you can discuss moving for the convenience of you both, with shared expenses.

SStitanic

“Not fair” what is he 5 years a old?  Tell him to grow up, this is nothing,  life will get much more unfairer before he dies and you using your own hard earned cash to buy a house that suits you, in a place that suits you, is entirely fair to you. Him expecting you to move only half the distance or pay towards his travel costs is not fair on you, house buying and all that it entails is a huge commitment and you need to be comfortable in what you do. I’d be concerned about his lack of self resource and lack of understanding about your needs going forward if this is his reaction to this change. put your needs first because he obviously never will, own your power and self respect and give him the grown up option of continuing to be your boyfriend as you are definitely worth the extra travel time and travel costs. For gods sake he should really think himself lucky that you’d allow him to move in at all.