Joint inheritance moral and logistical dilemma.

Geriatricmum

Mojisola said:

Geriatricmum said:

Assets: two flats in Spain which are rented out. One flat in London which is also rented out.

They ..... insisted that all properties are split 50/50. The will for the property in London is now drawn up, they are currently in the process of writing a will for the Spanish properties.

If everything was covered in one will, you and your sister would have the option of making a deed of variation to change the distribution of their assets but the two wills in separate countries makes the whole thing much more difficult.

Yes, agreed. 

When you do eventually inherits, would it be possible for you and your sister to agree for her to give up her inheritance under the English will and you give up yours under the Spanish one?
I don't know if she will. She's stubborn and will dig her heels in for no reason just because she can. I want to avoid conflict with her. 

You would need to do everything using solicitors, especially considering your sister's condition so that no-one can claim you took advantage of her.  It would be even better if she ends up with a greater share than you as a result of doing this.

Yes. Her learning difficulties means she doesn't really understand legalities and this concerns me especially regarding spanish law. I can't leave it to her to organise that side of things.
My Spanish isn't great so I think I may consider getting an English speaking Spanish solicitor if/when we have to deal with the Spanish estate. 

Geriatricmum

I understand this is all conjecture and life happens etc. I'm just concerned with what my parents objectives are dividing their estate the way they are. They are not communicative and dismissive of my concerns... Which is their right but they aren't being straight up with me.

I know their assets are not mine they worked hard for them and they can do what they want with them. But with this situation it's not a straight up there's the estate here's how it's divided have a nice life, there's the added unwritten and unspoken caveat that I will be my sisters carer.

I just think I have the right to live my life after their death the way I want to, not the way they expect me to. Is that a bad thing?

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I was just hoping there was a way to deal with this after their deaths in a way that wouldn't create conflict in their twighlight years.

Thanks again for everyones comments. 

silvercar

Geriatricmum said:

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I think that is the bottom line. You don't want to look after your sister in retirement. Your parents probably realise your sister's capabilities and hope that forcing some sort of financial link will mean that you keep an eye out for her. That is why they won't address your concerns properly.

Pollycat

Geriatricmum said:

I understand this is all conjecture and life happens etc. I'm just concerned with what my parents objectives are dividing their estate the way they are. They are not communicative and dismissive of my concerns... Which is their right but they aren't being straight up with me.

I know their assets are not mine they worked hard for them and they can do what they want with them. But with this situation it's not a straight up there's the estate here's how it's divided have a nice life, there's the added unwritten and unspoken caveat that I will be my sisters carer.

I just think I have the right to live my life after their death the way I want to, not the way they expect me to. Is that a bad thing?

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I was just hoping there was a way to deal with this after their deaths in a way that wouldn't create conflict in their twighlight years.

Thanks again for everyones comments. 

Why do you feel they aren't being straight up with you?
You've expressed your concerns about the way they have written their wills and they have refused to change those wills to how you want them written.

You have made them aware that you "do not want to be financially tied" to your sister.

It sounds like they've been straight up with you and you've been straight up with them.

Geriatricmum

Pollycat said:

Geriatricmum said:

I understand this is all conjecture and life happens etc. I'm just concerned with what my parents objectives are dividing their estate the way they are. They are not communicative and dismissive of my concerns... Which is their right but they aren't being straight up with me.

I know their assets are not mine they worked hard for them and they can do what they want with them. But with this situation it's not a straight up there's the estate here's how it's divided have a nice life, there's the added unwritten and unspoken caveat that I will be my sisters carer.

I just think I have the right to live my life after their death the way I want to, not the way they expect me to. Is that a bad thing?

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I was just hoping there was a way to deal with this after their deaths in a way that wouldn't create conflict in their twighlight years.

Thanks again for everyones comments. 

Why do you feel they aren't being straight up with you?
You've expressed your concerns about the way they have written their wills and they have refused to change those wills to how you want them written.

You have made them aware that you "do not want to be financially tied" to your sister.

It sounds like they've been straight up with you and you've been straight up with them.

I appreciate how black and white your take in this is.

I suppose my problem is that they haven't been forthcoming with how they expect my sister to be able to take care of herself after they pass. Over the years my concerns have been met with "she'll be OK" or "she has you" or "everything is in place dont worry"

They won't tell me what is in place or how she will be OK so I do worry, their lack of action in relation to ensuring my sister can take care of her own basic financial responsibilities (paying bills, life admin) will then be on me. I have no choice in the matter.

I do visit them I can see with my own eyes nothing has changed in their dynamic. I know nothing is in place and she won't be ok and I will have to manage her basic life admin duties. 

Geriatricmum

silvercar said:

Geriatricmum said:

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I think that is the bottom line. You don't want to look after your sister in retirement. Your parents probably realise your sister's capabilities and hope that forcing some sort of financial link will mean that you keep an eye out for her. That is why they won't address your concerns properly.

The extent of my sisters capabilities are an incredibly taboo subject. Everyone knows there's an issue there but noone will talk about it. It's annoying as it doesn't help her.

I will always keep an eye out for her, she's my sister. I just don't want to baby her, like they do. I don't want her life to be my life. If you know what I mean. 

Mands

Geriatricmum said:

Pollycat said:

Geriatricmum said:

I understand this is all conjecture and life happens etc. I'm just concerned with what my parents objectives are dividing their estate the way they are. They are not communicative and dismissive of my concerns... Which is their right but they aren't being straight up with me.

I know their assets are not mine they worked hard for them and they can do what they want with them. But with this situation it's not a straight up there's the estate here's how it's divided have a nice life, there's the added unwritten and unspoken caveat that I will be my sisters carer.

I just think I have the right to live my life after their death the way I want to, not the way they expect me to. Is that a bad thing?

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I was just hoping there was a way to deal with this after their deaths in a way that wouldn't create conflict in their twighlight years.

Thanks again for everyones comments. 

Why do you feel they aren't being straight up with you?
You've expressed your concerns about the way they have written their wills and they have refused to change those wills to how you want them written.

You have made them aware that you "do not want to be financially tied" to your sister.

It sounds like they've been straight up with you and you've been straight up with them.

I appreciate how black and white your take in this is.

I suppose my problem is that they haven't been forthcoming with how they expect my sister to be able to take care of herself after they pass. Over the years my concerns have been met with "she'll be OK" or "she has you" or "everything is in place dont worry"

They won't tell me what is in place or how she will be OK so I do worry, their lack of action in relation to ensuring my sister can take care of her own basic financial responsibilities (paying bills, life admin) will then be on me. I have no choice in the matter.

I do visit them I can see with my own eyes nothing has changed in their dynamic. I know nothing is in place and she won't be ok and I will have to manage her basic life admin duties. 

Just because someone throws the ball doesn't mean that you have to catch it.

If there are no provisions in place for dealing with your sister's affairs and you don't want to be responsible ... then don't take that on. You'll need to sell all three properties but that will get you to where you want to be: with money to invest and without being tied to her finances. 

lincroft1710

Presuming sis wants to stay in Spain and you want to stay in London, how will you be able to "look after" her?

Angelica123

Geriatricmum said:

Pollycat said:

Geriatricmum said:

I understand this is all conjecture and life happens etc. I'm just concerned with what my parents objectives are dividing their estate the way they are. They are not communicative and dismissive of my concerns... Which is their right but they aren't being straight up with me.

I know their assets are not mine they worked hard for them and they can do what they want with them. But with this situation it's not a straight up there's the estate here's how it's divided have a nice life, there's the added unwritten and unspoken caveat that I will be my sisters carer.

I just think I have the right to live my life after their death the way I want to, not the way they expect me to. Is that a bad thing?

I don't hate my sister, I want her to have a good life but I don't want to look after her in my retirement. If she was given the chance to be independent in her life so far I think she could do it. She has a job, friends and she's happy in Spain. I just feel like I'm taking on the fallout for their failure to let her flourish. It's incredibly frustrating.

I was just hoping there was a way to deal with this after their deaths in a way that wouldn't create conflict in their twighlight years.

Thanks again for everyones comments. 

Why do you feel they aren't being straight up with you?
You've expressed your concerns about the way they have written their wills and they have refused to change those wills to how you want them written.

You have made them aware that you "do not want to be financially tied" to your sister.

It sounds like they've been straight up with you and you've been straight up with them.

I appreciate how black and white your take in this is.

I suppose my problem is that they haven't been forthcoming with how they expect my sister to be able to take care of herself after they pass. Over the years my concerns have been met with "she'll be OK" or "she has you" or "everything is in place dont worry"

They won't tell me what is in place or how she will be OK so I do worry, their lack of action in relation to ensuring my sister can take care of her own basic financial responsibilities (paying bills, life admin) will then be on me. I have no choice in the matter.

I do visit them I can see with my own eyes nothing has changed in their dynamic. I know nothing is in place and she won't be ok and I will have to manage her basic life admin duties. 

You don't have to do anything for your sister. You could sell everything, give her her share, cut all ties and let whatever happens to her happen. It may not be a particularly palatable choice but the choice is still yours to make. 

I think the challenge you are facing is that you want to find a way to have things exactly how you want them. Unless your parents change their minds (which is unlikely) then all you can do is make choices within the circumstances presented. .. You can either maintain London flat as an asset and maintain some ties to sister or you sell it to cut ties...You either leave your sister to her fate or you choose to take over your parents' role of babying your sister. These are tough choices to make and it sucks that there isn't a tidy solution. 

Mojisola

sheramber said:

Mojisola said:

Geriatricmum said:

Assets: two flats in Spain which are rented out. One flat in London which is also rented out.

They ..... insisted that all properties are split 50/50. The will for the property in London is now drawn up, they are currently in the process of writing a will for the Spanish properties.

If everything was covered in one will, you and your sister would have the option of making a deed of variation to change the distribution of their assets but the two wills in separate countries makes the whole thing much more difficult.

When you do eventually inherits, would it be possible for you and your sister to agree for her to give up her inheritance under the English will and you give up yours under the Spanish one?

You would need to do everything using solicitors, especially considering your sister's condition so that no-one can claim you took advantage of her.  It would be even better if she ends up with a greater share than you as a result of doing this.

OP has said 
The London flat exceeds the value of the Spanish flats combined. 

Won't there be cash as well which could be used to even up the inheritance?