The Diary Of Onebrokelady Aged 60 And A Half

Willowtree222

Onebrokelady said:

Willowtree222 saof course, nobody seid:

Sorry today is a bad day. I think your dad needed to hear she hadn't just abandoned them. It sounds like that settled him. Each individual is different, my nana spoke about my grandad being at work for months and my mum would tell her he had died. It never ended well and five minutes later she would say he was out shopping. My mum just eventually agreed with her, but this was what was best for her. Your dad must have been really dwelling on that and I'm glad you provided comfort to him, even if he has forgotten again. 

Hope you get to have your coffee x

Yes that's what I decided, it was a risk telling him and I wouldn't if I hadn't had it in my mind that it was bothering him. DD2 works with people with dementia and she said you should try and tell them the truth if at all possible 

Of course. Nobody intends to upset and sometimes what we say does. Then we learn what to say and what not to. Hopefully, your mum will listen now and let him know she it continues to reassure him. 

Hope the pain is much better. 

Onebrokelady

So much for having a lie in , I was woken up absurdly early by DD2s cats who was screeching on the landing at 6.30 am followed by an attack of the zoomies. I stayed in bed until 7.30 to try and go back to sleep but he wouldn't  let up and then B started barking so that was my hint to get out of bed. 

I went for coffee with my friend in the end and I even walked there which was quite nice. My leg was twinging about halfway there and  I thought I had made a mistake but it went off again so I was ok. It was just typical though that yesterday when I was at work it was sunny and dry all day but today it was raining again 😡

I had a productive day spending money as well  😀I need to replace my trainers and I've been looking for ages but couldn't find any I liked so today I decided to go back to my old faithful Adidas Gazelles which are the only trainers I normally buy  but at £85 a pair I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend that much money so I looked for some cheaper ones. The cheaper ones were just not as comfortable as these and the last cheap pair I bought didn't last as long. Gazelles normally last me a few years so I get my money's worth. Today I went on the website and they had youths sizes which are £55 so £30 cheaper so I ordered my normal size 4s to see if they will fit. I normally wear them in a 4 but my last trainers were a five so I'm not sure . They are being delivered to the store in town so I will try them on when I pick them up then if they don't fit I can return them in store while I'm there. 

I also ordered a cream tea for two to be sent to Mum and Dads on the Saturday before Mother's Day. I used to buy my Mum a book and some chocolates but she doesn't read anymore so I bought the cream tea instead. I did for them before and they both enjoyed it. 

Then I paid my energy bill £192 😳so that's done now as well .

 The money for DD2s birthday present came out of the bank so that's paid for and has been dispatched.

 I'm still waiting for DD1 to get back to me about her birthday present because it's turning out to be very complicated. The artist lives in Montreal and Jordan so the prices of the art are in Canadian dollars but I'm paying her assistant who is based in Jordan so I think the money is converted to dinar. I'm not prepared to take the risk of paying it. DD has messaged the artist to see how it would work . There would also be an import tax of 2% I think. The Artist she likes is called Shereen Odeh ,she is on Instagram which is where DD found her and her artwork is beautiful but I think it's too complicated to buy it from here. There. We're two ways of paying and I picked Western Union because it seemed. easier. I've used it before but was to the USA so it was easy to work out the exchange rate. I want to get it all done now so I can't forget about birthdays until July 😀

I've got to go into town tomorrow to pick up my amended prescription and I also realised when I got home that I was supposed to buy some paracetamol today but I forgot. I also need to go the main post office because I'm trying to return a shirt DD bought online but I took it to my local post office and they couldn't get the barcode to scan, I'm going to try there tomorrow and if they can't do it she will have to sort it out herself 

Sun_Addict

Oh good grief DD2 couldn’t just pick a straightforward birthday present could she 🤣

Onebrokelady

Sun_Addict said:

Oh good grief DD2 couldn’t just pick a straightforward birthday present could she 🤣

It's DD1 not 2 😀DD 2+has also asked for two prints for her birthday but they are from good old Etsy 😀

Edited to add one of them always finds something obscure or difficult for me to buy but it's normally at Christmas . That's why I decided to order it now and not near her birthday in June because I knew it would be a problem 

foxgloves

Perhaps you could give her the money for her birthday & she could buy it herself? You are very kind. I know I wouldn't have gone to all that faff.
F x

Cloth_of_Gold

Onebrokelady said:

jwil said:

I hope your pain levels are better today, and enjoy your time off.

It sounds like you did the right thing with your Dad.  It must be very hard.

Thanks I have felt a bit better today . Trying to do the right thing with my Dad is really hard 😟

Life is full of these moral and ethical dilemmas, isn't it? I think that the most important things is just to try and do the right thing, as you clearly do. There aren't always clear-cut, correct, solutions to these problems but as long as you do your best there is no need to feel guilty. No one can do any more than that and you can't always get it right, and there may not be a 'right' anyway. Try no to be too hard on yourself. 

Cherryfudge

I've been reading along and it brings back many memories of when Mum was in a care home. Her neighbour had the most wonderful husband who cooked her very nutritious meals which he'd bring in for her, as he didn't think much of the food that was provided. (I think they did quite well, but his really were a cut above the average). Anyway, when his wife used to ask why so and so hadn't visited, not remembering that they had or that they were long gone, he'd shake his head and say 'It's the fog, you know'. He told me that was the best answer he'd come up with.

I used variations on that with Mum - 'The car's in for it's MOT so your Dad can't come today', 'I'll ring your Mum for you when I get in' etc, depending on what impossible thing she was asking about. Of course, there were times it was possible to be straightforward ('I can't come for the next couple of days as I'm working') but it's really difficult when the person doesn't realise how many decades have passed and I couldn't be around all the time to keep them on track. So worries about her parents would have to be dismissed with something not too specific to put her mind at rest. They both died in the 1970s, by the way, so I didn't actually make those phone calls.

You sound as though you've managed the communication with your Dad really well and that will be a support to him.

milann

You did a good job there with your dad. Like you say, every situation needs assessing. It’s such a cruel illness. 

Enjoy your 12 days off 👍

Onebrokelady

I’m having fun at the moment re reading my old diary so far I’ve realised  that 

I get ill with colds a lot
I used to be super busy all the time
I have lots of ideas but quite often don’t follow through
I really don’t know how I worked the hours I used to work
I had a really organised Christmas in 2018 but I don’t think that’s happened since 😁
I haven’t used a credit card for 6 years 😇
My dad first started showing signs of dementia in 2018 and I thought it started after the pandemic 

I’ve had a slow relaxing day today because I wasn’t feeling great yesterday and it’s done me good. I’ve spent most of the day reading but I’ve also done some washing and swept the floors.

DD2 is coming over tomorrow to show me a couple of dresses she has bought for a wedding. She can’t make up her mind which one to keep and she also still doesn’t have a full length mirror so can’t see what they look like properly. Her birthday presents arrived yesterday and they are really nice prints. The post man left them in my green wheely bin though 😳

I also had an email from the central heating people asking if they could come and fit my new raidiators on Monday so that is being done this week. I’m so excited to get a radiator in my bathroom because there hasn’t been one in there since about 1996, it’s going to be so cosy 😁

The next job on the house list will be having my kitchen floor replaced. I just need to find someone to do it . I wanted to do the radiators first because some of them are starting to leak and I don’t have a lot of luck with leaks so that’s a priority. The guy that came out said they will be more efficient as well so that will be a bonus. They are also replacing the one under my living room window which has been turned off for over a year, I have an 18ft long living room and keeping it warm with just one radiator has been difficult so having an extra one will be good. 

Cherryfudge

Yay for new radiators, a restful day and an organised  Christmas 2018.  

It's sad but interesting that your Dad's dementia started so far back. Did you see it for what it was at that point, or is it with hindsight that you can recognise what was going on?

You've made me wonder whether a heat-triggered fan, similar to those you can get for wood-burning stoves, would move the warm air around if placed on top of your living room radiator? I expect the radiator man could tell you. It's not an easy length to heat.

By the way, I don't know how you used to work those hours, either. Thank goodness for retirement!