The Diary Of Onebrokelady Aged 60 And A Half

Onebrokelady

I was rudely woken up at 7.30 this morning by B barking, she hasn't barked for ages but has started again now if she wants me to get up.
I went to see my Mum and Dad and it was quite nice spending time with dad on his own. We had quite a chat and he asked me about my eldest sister and what had happened to her. She died aged 49 from secondary cancers related to breast cancer in 2003 but dad thought she had just left the country and couldn't understand why she would do that to them. I told him she had died and he didn't get upset but was reassured that she hadn't abandoned them. He also asked about my younger brother who also died when he was 19 in a motorbike accident. He had a vague memory but wasn't sure if it was right so I told him that was correct and how it happened. People keep making things up when he asks them about it and he has been worrying about it.  I told mum that I had had this conversation and said if he asks you make sure you tell him what happened so he knows she hasn't just left.

I am now also worried about my Mum. I know her memory isn't great but little things have been bugging me, any way today she asked me if I thought Dad was getting better so I told her again that he won't get better he will only get worse. I then said he will end up like Uncle Bill ( his brother) and she said "what do you mean what was wrong with Bill I can't remember him being ill"  this is a man they were both very close to. He had dementia for seven years and Mum and Dad used to go up to see him all the time to try to get him to let social services provide him with carers they would go up for a week and try and sort out his house and all his paperwork etc but mum can't remember any of this 😟 Just the fact that she asked if he looked like he was getting better was worrying because she knows dementia is a progressive illness. When dad was first diagnosed she used to say this all the time but I kept telling her he wouldn't improve but she seems to have forgotten.

Its DD2s birthday next week and she told me about a couple of prints she liked on Etsy so I bought them this evening, I just need to get her a card now.

DD1 is also 40 in June and has asked for a print from a Palestinian artist so I've been trying to sort that out as I have to pay via western union. I can't make head nor tail of it so I've told her I will send her the money and she can order it. The payment has to go to Jordan and I don't want to mess it up because it's not cheap 

Tomorrow is my last shift for 12 days 🎉🎉🎉 so I cant wait to get to the end of the day 

PS 
To end on a funny note Dad asked me how old he was today so I told him 93 and he was very shocked .....he thought he was 45 😀I told him he could be 45 if he wanted to😀

badmemory

It is awful when they forget that people have died isn't it.  My Mum forgot that her best friend since at least age 10 had died & they had exchanged weekly letters for almost 70 years.  The really bad thing was that she got so upset every time we had to answer her.  In the end we just lied & said her arthritis in her hands was too bad for her to write but everything was alright with her.  It just felt too cruel to keep putting her through the upset.  Eventually she even forgot to ask.

daisy_1571

There's a book called contented dementia which i often recommend to people. 

Totally agree telling the truth when it helps people but absolutely no point upsetting people over and over.   We used to mention my father in law was at work on the odd occasion mil asked.  That made perfect sense to her as in younger days that was a logical place for him to be.

Glad your dad is 45 again 😆 

Daisy xx

satchmo1

My mum would often say "I love my children, I love my children" and I'd say "yes, and your children love you very much". That calmed her, even though she didn't think I was one of her children. She thought I was her sister, and that her children were still very young.

enthusiasticsaver

Did I remember wrong or was your Dad quite difficult in the past?   Now he has dementia you seem to enjoy a better relationship with him.   to him thinking he is 45. Sad about your sister and brother.  Your family has had some bad luck over the years. 

Makingabobor2

Not always wise to tell them the truth in cases where it will only upset them again. We had a chap when i used to work with dementia patients and his wife died. But every day he would say she was at home waiting for him. We just agreed, as if we'd told him the truth, he just got really upset again and it just made matters worse. 

Please be wary sending money via Western Union. A lot of scammers use that method. Check everything out first. 

Muddy_Walker

We lived on a teeny tiny RAF housing estate called Collaton Cross near Yealmpton ….. literally 3 or 4 streets with officers quarters well away from us common folk, then moved to Plymstock near Plymouth. One of the best places I ever lived 😊 Huge open fields with WWI bunkers. I was rarely in!

Onebrokelady

Re my Dad and telling him that people had died. I decided to tell him because he was upset at not knowing what had happened to them. The previous explanation had been given that they had moved away, this had upset him because he couldn't believe they didn't come and see him and that hurt his feelings. He didn't get upset when I told him he was accepting and told me he was relieved that the reason they hadn't been to see him was because they had died and not because they didn't want to. If he had got upset I wouldn't have told him the next time he asked but I took a gamble because I knew it was bothering him. My Mum and my eldest sister were incredibly close and he really couldn't understand why she wasn't coming to see Mum or phoning to see how she was. 

Sun_Addict

Oh bless your dad thinking he’s 45 ❤️ I might start thinking I’m 45 again too 😆 

Onebrokelady

enthusiasticsaver said:

Did I remember wrong or was your Dad quite difficult in the past?   Now he has dementia you seem to enjoy a better relationship with him.   to him thinking he is 45. Sad about your sister and brother.  Your family has had some bad luck over the years. 

Yes you are right he was difficult and I suspect still is when we aren't around. I have a love hate relationship with both my parents due to my family life. I just feel sorry for him now as he is a frail old man who is feeling very confused with the world. He has treated my Mum badly and my half sister ( his daughter ). It's very complicated and I am very conflicted about it 😟
I don't think I've posted about my family history on here but it's definitely been a stress inducing affair for a very long time