Watty's Awakening

beanielou

I live a very quiet life these days. Partly due to disability & partly because I was so scarred by my DH. I am ok most of the time. Even yet though after nearly 30 years I get a flashback. 

I often wonder how my life ended up like this but there you have it. 

Cherryfudge

I'm sorry you had that flashback @Watty1, it must have been disturbing and no wonder it's thrown you off kilter. In terms of a proportion of your life, he is still relatively recent so hopefully as time passes he will fade more into the background.

And @badmemory, that's horrific, no wonder you remember. And a 'boring' life can be a blessed life that doesn't want drama.

Watty1

Phew what a lot of trauma we all carry.    I've had a bit of a shaky weekend and at 2.00 am finally admitted that the pain on the left side of my face is probably due to a damaged crown so have an emergency appointment today at the dentist. 
From a positive uplift a few days ago I have fallen quite low again.

Cherryfudge

I hope the dental appointment sorts things out, @Watty1.

This is a bit of a valley between high points: take your time, be kind to yourself and acknowledge how you feel. I think it's a bit like clearing physical clutter: you do a layer and it all looks better, then after a while you notice something that didn't catch your attention before but now seems to be in the way, so then you do some more decluttering... and so on. Bad feelings do come back, but deal with what's presenting itself and you will move past this and onto something better. 'Let the winter come and go', as Julian of Norwich said.

And while I'm here, a quotation I spotted on an old post that I thought you might like: 'Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness' (John Ruskin).

debtfreewannabe321

Morning Watty! I have finally made it to the end of your diary and caught up I am in awe of your sensible-ness (is that a word, probably not) at VNM's mum....I think I would have handled it so differently (and wrong ) she sounds very needy and demanding so well done for taking a step back!
I love that my post inspired you, the Dream, believe, receive is from a book but I can't recall which one- maybe The Secret? Perhaps someone else might know. But it is all on manifesting.  

PennysIntoPounds

Changing things to get rid of ex's presence is bound to bring up lots of memories and feelings, it's part of the process of moving on from that phase and you're doing fantastically.
Also don't underestimate how much physical pain, especially in such a prominent part of the body like the mouth that you use for eating and drinking and talking- the essential things of being human!- messes with the mind and makes one feel existentially low. Great that you've got an appointment today, I hope it's all resolved quickly. Treat yourself very kindly and show yourself the love and care and patience you do for the horses when they need it 😊

Chrystal

Thinking of you and sending gentle (((hugs))).  

You are allowed to feel down sometimes... just because!

Hope the trip to the dentist sorts the pain out, and I agree with PIP that you need to give yourself the love and attention that you give your horses.... You deserve it!  XXX

LadyWithAPlan

sending you good tooth fairy vibes! Your June start sounds great so treat the flashback as a minor bump on road to a great life

KajiKita

I think you need to prioritise some self care time. You’ve been quite a bit for others recently, perhaps time to reset the balance a little. Sending hugs, gentle ones, for the tooth. Nothing worse than tooth pain. 

Cherryfudge is right, this healing and recovery malarkey is a like the layers of an onion …. When you hit a new layer you release a whole load of ‘new juice’ which makes your eyes water a little, and then that vapour clears and you settle again. You will come through this.

KK x

Watty1

Thank you all so much.  Each of you is very kind and very wise.
@Cherryfudge i do indeed love this quote: 'Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness' (John Ruskin).   It will make it to my journal.

So I have done nothing today but go to the dentist and lay on the sofa and play mindless games on my phone.  I am still in pain and saw a dentist I have not seen before at the practice.   I'm going to go with his plan although it is a lot of work and probably a lot of £££   An old crown needs to be removed and the old root filling cleaned out and re-done. He feels there is a gap somewhere in it which is causing the repeated infections  that feel like sinus infections.  He did a lot of explaining and drawing and it did make sense, particularly that my allergies are maybe not allergies at all but a chronic infection.  I haven't seen the quote for the work yet but I have booked the first 2 hour appointment.   I've also asked the VNM if he will come with me as I have been warned the first one is a lot of work and the roadworks that currently befuddle the south east of England turned my usual 2 hour round trip into an expedition of over 4 hours today.

I waver between feeling sorry for myself and wondering if I may have stumbled onto a solution re the allergies.  Work begins in 10 days.  I'm planning a very early night. Work will have to wait until tomorrow.