Watty's Awakening

Watty1

Appointment with hormone doctor finally - this is from much earlier in the year when I had biopsy and hospital suggested the issue was perhaps due to the HRT I had been given and wanted me to get it reviewed. That has now finally happened and doctor suggested I was exhausted by trauma of life. Can't disagree with that and although easy to say there are little real solutions.

Watty1

Horsebox passed its MOT.

This is a surprise to me as it had a warning light on that no one knows what it means but for the MOT the warning light disappeared and did not reappear. MOT tester offered VNM his scanner so he could see if anything came up prior to the test - and no - it did not. The MOT tester said to the VNM that he should get the handbrake cable looked at before next MOT, not an advisory just his point of view.

Now it has a 12 month MOT it is time to think about selling. Just need to get a few bits resprayed so it does not look exhausted when anyone views it.

Cherryfudge

Nice to hear about the new skirt and the horsebox, also the helpful mechanic. I suppose there could be a case for the warning light being at fault rather than anything else?

Regarding the exhaustion due to trauma, it's something that's hard to measure and as you say, hard to treat. I think 'solutions' there are to do with the passing of time and better experiences now and in the future. You have some really good foundations now, with the VNM and all your business and personal achievements - but perhaps your body is now indicating a slow down? It's a very big jigsaw to put together but you are forming some parts of the picture.

PennysIntoPounds

There's a lot to be said for the theory of body crashing when mind eventually gets to a certain stage post-trauma and tells body it's safe. I'm sure many of us who have dealt with the death of a loved one or the end of a huge relationship will know how you somehow keep on going through the darkest times then at some unexpected point, crash exhausted and physically unable.

And you sustained horrendous trauma for years so it's absolutely fair for your body to be like 'Imma just crash hard now, I've been saving up these responses for years and would like to get rid ta'!

Suffolk_lass

@PennysIntoPounds is right - it was between 18 months and 2 years after losing my Dad that the grief hit me and it was physically completely unexpected. The end of any relationship stores up grief that will come out eventually and with physical as well as emotional and financial challenges.

Take time and keep looking forward; this too shall pass but needs to be taken as a step or path forward.

Watty1

Thanks Cherryfudge, Pip and Suffolk Lass for your lovely supportive comments.

NHS counselling session yesterday evening and we agreed to stop as now is not the time. Totally the right decision for me but a shame as the counsellor was great (thank you for whoever encouraged me to give her a go). We talked over the issues facing me right now and her very kindly put opinion was that physical health has to come before mental health and she will be sending a discharge note to my GP along those lines. She suggested I consider referring back to the service in the future and she will put a note on my file that we did not complete the course of counselling as other issues needed to take priority.

I feel brighter having closed that door as it is one less thing "to do"

ladybird1106

sending virtual hugs

Love 🐞

Cherryfudge

I like that she has put control in your hands and when you are ready you can re-refer, but there's no pressure to have to deal with that unless and until you feel the time is right.

rtandon27

She sounds lovely & respectful - it's nice to hear about a genuinely caring person working in the NHS!

Watty1

Sign off from cardiologist yesterday evening. Came home and celebrated with a glass of kombucha (raspberry and elderflower) it was in veggie box and was absolutely delicious and felt special enough. We have cut down on the alcohol indoors for now. Cardiologist reassured me the problems in my arm are just a rare complication from the angiogram and will pass, and that, having reviewed all the tests he has done he does not think there are heart issues.

He did say however that my GP should now run some tests and gave me a list to ask for as he felt that my symptoms were significant and should not be brushed under the "depression" label as no one, in his opinion, lies on the ground after riding their pony and having fun with symptoms of crushing chest pain and unable to breathe because they are depressed. When he put it like that I laughed out loud. I'm sure my GP will be delighted with that input 🤣 VNM said I could just get the hospital to do the tests for me but I decided GP was worth a first pass as they are just blood tests to rule out certain markers that could have contributed.

So yes, still struggling to use right arm, still completely worn out - but - feeling brighter. Am so grateful that we were able to pay for the private investigation and rule that out rather than spending the rest of the year worried and not doing anything "in case". .