Watty's Awakening

KajiKita

Oooh, friend is acknowledging that she has an issue with her horse’s behaviour? That sounds like huge progress too 😊

KK

Watty1

KajiKita said:

Oooh, friend is acknowledging that she has an issue with her horse’s behaviour? That sounds like huge progress too 😊

KK

It is a big step.  She started with the very sensible one of getting a vet out and the poor horse has a huge cyst on her ovaries and the ovaries are very enlarged so no wonder she had major problems.  I felt bad having suggested it was behavioural when it seems all along the mare has been struggling with her hormones and physically with the ovaries.

The vet is still to come up with a plan but I'm going to talk to one of my friends later to see if she knows a rehab yard as it is looking like surgery for the mare.  

The VNM asked me I would do the rehab after surgery if it comes to that  because I do have a spare stable but I said no, I'm exhausted already and I can not take on the partial care of someone else.  I just don't have the energy.

LadyWithAPlan

It’s good you recognise you have too much on and can say no - more time outside with a cup of tea and your horses is my prescription!

glad you are seeing all the gifts you have in your live. 

savingholmes

Well done on holding boundaries that's huge especially when in the past others didn't acknowledge or deliberately trampled your boundaries. It's the top thing ve tried to learn over the last few years.

I'm glad you feel better about keeping your place. I found post divorce there were some people suggesting I didn't deserve to keep mine and telling me I couldn't afford it which while it was a stretch was untrue. Do you have those internal or external saboteurs? If you do, how can you silence them?

Humdinger1

How very dare they @savingholmes?! Too many people think that newly single women are fair game for their clueless comments but you showed 'em.  Well done @Watty1 love to all Humdinger xx 

Watty1

savingholmes said:

.

I'm glad you feel better about keeping your place. I found post divorce there were some people suggesting I didn't deserve to keep mine and telling me I couldn't afford it which while it was a stretch was untrue. Do you have those internal or external saboteurs? If you do, how can you silence them?

I do yes - the external ones I can move on.  The internal ones are harder to quieten.  The ex used to regularly tell me how  I only survived financially because he supported me.  Indeed at the private Financial Dispute Resolution hearing his side produced evidence that I was supported entirely by him and only earnt very little.

Thinking about that here I realise I have internalised that message very clearly.

KajiKita

Watty1 said:

I do yes - the external ones I can move on.  The internal ones are harder to quieten.  The ex used to regularly tell me how  I only survived financially because he supported me.  Indeed at the private Financial Dispute Resolution hearing his side produced evidence that I was supported entirely by him and only earnt very little.

Thinking about that here I realise I have internalised that message very clearly.

Aaaaaand, now you’ve seen it, so you can ‘housekeep’ it. 

I do find you inspirational in the way you are gradually working your way through the ‘layers of the onion’ to understand what beliefs are actually not yours, don’t serve you and are ready to be let go … 😊👏

KK

ajmoney

savingholmes said:

Well done on holding boundaries that's huge especially when in the past others didn't acknowledge or deliberately trampled your boundaries. It's the top thing ve tried to learn over the last few years.

I'm glad you feel better about keeping your place. I found post divorce there were some people suggesting I didn't deserve to keep mine and telling me I couldn't afford it which while it was a stretch was untrue. Do you have those internal or external saboteurs? If you do, how can you silence them?

I have been in my house 5 years next month after my marriage ended. I haven't done anything to the inside and I think there is definitely an element of internal sabotage that I don't deserve somewhere nice that is mine.

Watty1

Thank you @KajiKita for the kind words.   

The very act of writing things down here and thinking about them and the really helpful comments have helped me unpeel the onion   Until I posted here I hadn't realised how very deep the message that I cannot afford this house or this life went.  Alongside it is a message that I can't cope and can't manage on my own with a rambling property in need of so much doing, three horses and WattyDog.  Again that is one the ex always told me. That I would not and could not manage.

I am very lucky in that the VNM helps out so much, yesterday he offered to cut the grass as he had finished work early and so went off to do just that.  When he reappeared for dinner I noticed the grass had not been cut but didn't say anything as he was so cheerful - he took me outside and showed me he had found some sand in a barn and fixed the loose patio bricks then had decided to look and see why the stable sensor doesn't turn on the lights and found a burnt out wire he had repaired.   I was so grateful.  These were small jobs that I had registered needed doing but had no plan for and the stable lights are wonderful. Now in the dark as I walk up the garden they come on automatically again. I love love love that from a security point of view and from a practical one too.

In a way I feel a bit "rescued" by him doing the odd jobs because it reinforces i have no idea how to do them but if I apply logical thought, I could get a handyman which is my intention eventually.   At the moment I'm on major works like bathroom and redecorating and so on - but - my eventual aim is to have someone  come in once every few weeks and do things like this. I really don't want to take advantage of his good nature and I do need to feel I am managing on my own.   I will have a chat with him about that I think..  

greenbee

You are right that you are lucky to have VNM, but he also clearly wants to help. You could suggest to him that he could show you how to do some of these things. But also the handyman plan is a good one. I have a gardener/handyman who comes regularly 3 weeks out of 4. Today he’s putting up a couple of shelves and rehanging a blind ready for the decorator who is doing that room next week. The decorator is in another room, and when I told him I was taking up the carpet at the weekend to get it out of his way, he did that himself, along with taking off the skirting and cutting it round bookcases (because it needed taking off and sticking back again anyway). The handyman will then mow and possibly do some pruning if there is time. We have a long list of indoor and outdoor jobs which he works through depending on the weather/whether I am available to help with them. It removes a lot of the stress.