Watty's Awakening

ajmoney

@daisy_1571 you have quoted me in your signature block, thank you

Slinky

ajmoney said:

Watty1 said:

The builder starts Saturday ripping out the bathroom that is to be redone, last night we emailed sorting out bathroom shower enclosure, sink, loo, general design ideas (his were really good) and shower panels.   

I was so overwhelmed that I asked the VNM to sit with me and help.  He kept saying how it was my house and I could do anything I wanted but I was really struggling with changing what existed and having him point out that my first choice was very like what was already there was helpful as I could see how much I was struggling.

I realise how much of myself I have lost along the way and working on the this was almost too much for me.  Anyway with their help I settled on a shower enclosure that was more than he had included and also changed the brand of shower so the price has gone up a little bit but after chatting with VNM it is ok to do that. 

I am surprised how overwhelming I found it.   I ended up gong to bed and was asleep by 8.45 with the emotional stress. Obviously it is another step in letting go of the past and for me a very big one.

I find this really hard to do which is why I think I still haven't done anything in my house. I seem to struggle with decisions in general though, like I need approval for everything first.

Too much choice can be overwhelming, so the easiest thing is to do nothing and just put up with whatever the problem. Sometimes you just have to say I'm going to make a decision, any decision, and move on to the next thing that needs your attention, just to make some sort of progress.

We needed new curtain poles, not just wanted them, as we had none. Couldn't find anything we really liked. In the end we just bought some poles and put them up. They have curtains hanging from the (surprisingly enough). I can't even remember whether we actually really liked them or not. I certainly don't remember what any of the others we considered looked like. They aren't something I spend much time thinking about, we've just learned to accept them.

ETA we do have some other curtain poles we bought when there wasn't a lot of choice available during Covid, I'm not wild about them, but they don't bother me that much that I'm going to replace them anytime soon, and nobody else knows they aren't what we would have chosen if there'd been a wider selection available.

savingholmes

I think decision fatigue is very real. Even though I mainly used my Ex as a sounding board - and had my own strong opinions - I still miss having a sounding board and someone to discuss decisions with two and a bit years on from my divorce. I've found other ways to create that sounding board - as part of a conscious plan. I think making the place feel more yours is important. As you know I've now moved, but initially I did some redecorating, decluttering - and swapped out some furniture using cheap FBMP buys when I first bought Ex out...

You'll find your own way.

All the best for a speedy horse recovery multiplied by the number of horses / ponies you have...

daisy_1571

ajmoney said:

@daisy_1571 you have quoted me in your signature block, thank you

ajmoney said:

@daisy_1571 you have quoted me in your signature block, thank you

No, thank YOU, ajmoney, a fabulous quote xxxx

LadyWithAPlan

Watty1 said:

Will try to teach WattyDog to tango - or at least a dance step .   His learning of things is random, sit stay totally eludes him (actually even sit has always been a bit dubious, gravity taking over the squat he offers)  but he has learnt how to open the locking food recycling bin so he can raid it.  I have taught him spin in the past and to pray.  I felt the praying might be helpful given his inability to master the sit/stay or down/stay or even door manners.  (He rests his front paws on a chair or low table and lowers his head between his front legs to pray).

So dance it is.

One of my family's rescue  dogs can dance - was trained before they had her.. She gets on her hind legs and actually dances for food. She has also once played my guitar (with a gentle paw)
Just saying #lifegoals 
Far better to focus on dog tricks than weirdo ex's

Watty1 said:

I'm going to borrow the money from my company to fund this (thanks LWAP for sparking the idea that was a possibility).   Borrowing the money means that over the next few months the house will become mine as we will re-do each room.    He is busy working on a renovation for a council block at the moment but says he is happy to work at the weekends until that job ends and so he starts on Saturday ripping out the bathroom and I will use the other bathroom for the next few weeks until this one is done.   The other bathroom is just going to be repainted.   

I might not really have the money but this was a creative way to make a start and I just sat and cried because emotionally it felt like the house was mine and I was making decisions without the ex.

Good to reclaim the space  and I know you wont take too much -;)  and of course keep your taxes safe - maybe pop into  the Premium bonds and then replace before year end  ... I am owed a lot by my company so 
 (if your directors loan acct is overdrawn 9 months after corp tax YE (taking into accounts dividends, salary  etc)  then you have to pay 25% to the hmrc and get that back as you repay ... for those reading) 

I have been single for so long I cant imagine  having to listen to anyones opinion on most things from decor to travel options ....I am going to be a trial to any long term new partner. However sending you a hug 

the @ajmoney quote is brilliant ... have they been staring into my hall cupboard?
If you aren't already using something in your home, you won't start using it more by shoving it in a cupboard- AJ Money

Watty1

the @ajmoney quote is a good one.   I need to declutter and that quote is a very apt one for me.  I am going to start with the en suite. The deposit was paid and work starts on Saturday. He is only working weekends as he is going to do it between other jobs but I'm happy with this.   The redecoration and renovations is the prompt i need to get going on the decluttering again.  I did really well in January but gave up in the subsequent weeks.

Have started clearing the en suite out today.  Cleaning stuff that will be used goes to the kitchen. The make up bag has been cleared and everything there is now something I use, the rest thrown away.  Am slowly collecting up stuff to be donated to the food/hygiene bank and am being ruthless in this now.    The main  bathroom still has to be done as I will be using that for the next few weeks. Again, same ruthless approach, some decorative Items to the charity shop, products donated.   I have a clear picture in my mind that i will open cupboards and only see what I need and want.    

Watty1

thank you all for your support and kind words over the decision fatigue.   I think @savingholmes summed it up nicely. I always had ideas but the ex was a sounding board and without that I feel a little bit lost.  I'm ok with small things like buying a mirror or a plant but the big things he was so involved in as he did so much of the work to install them as he could turn his hand to just about anything.

I found myself really wanting to ring him and ask his advice and for his input for no other reason than that is what I have always done.  Anyway all decisions made on the bathroom bits by myself, the deposit paid and the work starts at 8 am Saturday morning.

badmemory

This decision making is a weird one.  I had absolutely no problem deciding what I wanted for the bathroom, just got on & did it.  Now my through downstairs room needs doing & I haven't even been able to go & look at carpets.  I will do the kitchen after that but I think it will be the same as the bathroom.  I suspect a deep psychological issue here or it could just be feeling I don't have any taste.

Watty1

Or maybe @badmemory you just do not want carpets?
(Unusually my entire downstairs is tiled which is fantastic with the amount of dirt WattyDog and I bring in on a daily basis).

badmemory

I did think of non-carpet flooring but my major problem with this is that I really hate shoes, which includes slippers & even socks.  That has outed me if any friends are reading this.  Perhaps I should have had underfloor heating.  There we go more decisions!!