Watty's Awakening

Watty1

One of the girlfriends that was staying made me think.  She mentioned my 'agoraphobia'  and said it was the reason she had not invited me to stay since the first time.    I closed it down quickly but I have been thinking about it since and reading A LOT and I realise she is right.    This year I have made a lot of excuses for not doing things/going places but the reality is a resistance to going.   I had a mild panic attack on the day out with pals from university but I desperately wanted to see them so I made myself go.   I haven't been to see my 'brother' (not really related but always called each other brother/sister) because it is so far away and I've claimed work or animals as the reason.

VNM has been aware for a time I struggle going away from the house, and whilst I was staying away last week sent me photos from home.   I also check the cameras a lot when I am away, to look at the horses.   And I always drive myself rather than accept lifts in case I want to leave.  If I go any distance I prefer VNM to come with me.

I am finding a lot of reasons not to do things, yes I do go outside and enjoy going places locally so when she first said it I didn't accept it but it stuck in my mind, and, now I have had time to reflect I realise she is right.   There were so many things I did not do this past year, and whilst I made excuses I think there was something deeper there.

The couple of coaching sessions I have had with MH have started the ball rolling but I need to work out what to do because as I reflect I worry my world will become smaller.

beanielou

No words of wisdom from me sadly other than to say that I absolutely get this. 🤗

OpalGirl

I have a close friend who had a similar aversion to leaving her home a number of years ago. In her case it followed the deaths of both her parents in a short period of time (she was an only child and was very close to both of them even though she lived and worked in a different city). Her anxiety at the time was quite crippling and restrictive to the point that she took early retirement. She did get help and although it took about 12-18 months she did overcome it and today is definitely not a stay at home person. The hardest part for her was admitting it was an issue and taking those frst steps to get help.

KajiKita

I takes real, courage to 'own' the things that we fear. So well done to friend for mentioning it to you and well done to you for being open to it.
Park it for now, enjoy your rest over Christmas and tackle it in 2026. May it be a doorway to new freedoms for you x

KK

PennysIntoPounds

It's quite natural that after feeling like PPH took so much and made your safe place feel at risk, that you should react by battening down the physical and mental hatches.
Now you've secured your home, created options, and made a future which isn't dependent on or linked to his actions, you can start climbing back up the ladder to the wider world. One step at a time x

daisy_1571

nothing extra to add to the lovely posts above

Dx x

debtfreewannabe321

Well done for recognising it in yourself and not burying your head in the sand at your friend's comment. 
I suffered from this a few years ago after all the lockdowns. I had got so used to being in my safe space at home that every time I left I would have panic attacks over nothing and have to make DP come with me. I felt so silly. But it was so real. I had to start taking small purposeful steps at a time to do things on my own out of the house. And I chose them carefully and didn't make myself do them if I knew it would end in tears. I'm my own counsellor, always have been, but it probably would have helped me to speak to someone about it. So I hope you can get some help with it as it is debilitating and feels crippling eventually ♥️

Cherryfudge

I have a feeling that you're already one step closer to overcoming this, by recognising it and talking about it you are loosening the power it had over you. I don't think it will be easy, but - as said above - you've probably already done the hardest part and that shows you are ready to turn it around.

I do think, too, that it's a response to all you've been through and a way of shutting down some of the pressures. Be gentle on yourself, but I'm sure you will work out a way forward.

Suffolk_lass

It was so important to reflect on what your girlfriend said, and to recognise the indicators and some of the triggers for feeling anxious and panicky. Given the horrible relationship breakdown, it is not surprising that you retreated to certainty. I remember you not going to an event because you feared he might go in one year, and then you chose to go the following year.

I have found myself making conscious choices about what I attend and what I don't attend. When I reflect, I know in myself that the confident facade crumbles from time to time, and only some of my closest friends either recognised it or ever speak about it. It has always been that way. Just sometimes I am up for fronting it out, and at others I am not. I now recognise it is just how my confidence is and I go with it. I kind of choose not to let it worry me as it is not all the time.

Watty1

Thank you all so much for taking the time to post.  It means a great deal, especially at this busy time of year for everyone.   I really appreciate it.    @OpalGirl that was really encouraging thank you.  It made me think I need outside help.   

I spoke with VNM yesterday evening. He had noticed my mental health was getting worse, assumed it was work stress and let it go.  So, I talked about what has really been going on and his 'male mechanic brain' kicked in and wanted to know what "part" can be fixed.

Honestly I've some ideas but clearly my mental health will have to be a big part of 2026.  Whilst with PPH we had a few relationship counselling sessions which were a complete disaster naturally but I really liked the woman and saw her a few times on my own which helped me get straight I really needed to leave.    I'm not a fan of counselling to be honest, but, I sent her a whatsapp to see if she was still working and saying I didn't expect a reply this side of Christmas.   However she is still working, did reply and a quick chat on there and I have made an appointment for January.  She says she doesn't deal with phobias but does deal with trauma and CBT and suggested an initial chat to see if I think she can help.  She has moved and is a heck of a drive away - but - I liked her so I think that will be a start.

Phew!