Can’t afford to rent or buy - don’t know what to do

Luke451

Mark_Glasses said:

I come from Leeds and live in London and I have no desire to move back to Leeds. I've heard Leeds being called the London of the north before but it really isn't. I can see the appeal of the city centre but most of the residential areas are grim. The nicer residential areas are expensive so defeats the point of moving out of London to save money. The public transport is rubbish and as a result the roads are congested.

The area of Leeds I come from wasn't too bad crime wise when I was growing up but it's got worse since I've been away. Some of the people I knew from there as a kid have moved to Bradford so it must be getting bad.

I've managed to buy a property in London but only a flat. It is scary the number of people I work with who live in houseshares. I also work with 2 people who are the same level as me who rent flats outside of London. 

Well thanks, Leeds vs London? With his salary, he's better off in London then...

Leeds, as other medium UK cities, they miss pretty much everything, like safety, public transport, housing quality etc...

Luke451

RelievedSheff said:

silvercar said:

RelievedSheff said:

silvercar said:

RelievedSheff said:

zedonk said:

wildbilljones said:
I don’t love what I do! It’s hard to change though. I think you’re typecast by recruiters after a few years in one field. One option might be to rent for one more year while I try and upskill/relentlessly job hunt for a higher paying role. 

Glad to hear it wasn’t just me struggling with the city move. Norwich is a lovely place btw. I think with a family and a house, I could be very happy there. Wasn’t right for me at the time though. 

Agreed, Norwich was lovely, especially the second-hand bookshops and the Belgian pub. 🙂 I just found it hard to make friends from zero - it takes time, I probably didn't give it enough time, but the loneliness was badly affecting my mental health.

I'm planning a career change right now, and there are positions out there where you can be paid to retrain, with employers open minded about transferable skills. They don't pay more than £30K, though (that's without London weighting, so it would be a bit more in London). 

The firm I work for in Sheffield has a London office. The staff there earn 10% more than their equivalent northern counterparts. It just isn't enough to cover the additional costs of living down there.

We earn a decent combined wage for the area where we live (circa £90k) but are lucky that the cost of living is relatively cheap. We can comfortably afford to buy a nice house in a nice area and still go out and enjoy life.

We wouldn't be able to do that if we were living and working in London. Our combined wage (even with the 10% uplift) would not be enough to have an enjoyable lifestyle down there. But we accept that and have no desire to move south. Sometimes you just have to look at your circumstances and realise that something has to change.

We made the move to a new town where we knew one other person. We very quickly made new friends and the one person we did know we very rarely see. Life is what you make of it. Don't waste it waiting for circumstances to change but not being willing to make the changes.

Looking at it the other way, My son and his wife are currently in London and looking to buy. He would lose at least 20% of his salary transferring to the out of London offices of his company plus less bonus opportunity, she is progressing well in the civil service and would lose promotion opportunities as well as career moves, in spite of "levelling up", as well as a drop in salary.  They've decided that they can't afford to move out of London until  they are more senior in their careers. 

Their cost of housing and general living away from London would more than make up for the 20% "loss" in earnings.

So they can afford the drop. They just don't want to see their salary drop even though their standard of living would no doubt be higher elsewhere.

It is of course each to their own.

Possibly, but they are ambitious and the career prospects won't be as great. So a drop of 20% now may be palatable, but a drop of a lot more in a few years time wouldn't be. I'm sure there may be a time when they could both transfer out and the drop of 20% on their higher salaries would be fine, but if career prospects are better in London, then staying put could pay for itself long term.

Or cost a lot of money for no gain!

People outside of London are ambitious and can earn high salaries. That isn't the reserve of London and it would be very short sighted to actually think that way.

There is a fundamental thing here, if they are staying in London to build up some equity for better use later, kind of ok.

But you got the reality, staying in London usually erode people, so all that cash is essentially garbage.

Just random thought, life quality is higher in other major cities, who knows why...

Salary are certainly not commonly above 100k, but houses are certainly not more than 1M in average .

London is disproportional at galactic levels, but people can't see it, once they are completely ripped off, they live London with a SMALL bag full of money , with depression and anxiety for free.

But don't get me wrong, for a few years, it's a decent opportunity to raise some cash, and honestly below 100k cash it becomes an useless opportunity, but anyway, how many succeed? Just a few...

Luke451

zagubov said:

London has a large pool of transient residents who move in, usually in their 20s to find work, and who leave often in their 30s. More are female than male. Many meet and marry and when considering starting families, move out to smaller towns and/or big cities.

There’s a resident population who’ve been there for multiple generations, passing houses and/or deposits from generation to generation.

In most big British cities that’s the majority of the population whereas in London they’re an (albeit sizeable) minority.

So in London you’ll meet a sizeable number of people who’ll maybe flat share with you but maybe less likely to buy property shared with you, certainly not in the long term.

In other cities, there will be plenty of jobs because of the critical mass that cities generate. The resident population will be larger and the transient incomer population will be smaller. 

The 20-30 age group may well be more male than female in smaller towns, less sure what to expect in the big cities.

If I were in your shoes, I’d be looking for big cities away from the coast. Danny Dorling’s great book 

So You Think You Know Britain is well worth a read.

The incredible amount of people going in and out of London also explains how much terrible it is...

Not only for the leaving process itself, but also the way the people treat the city and things/people around, the level of hate and diffidence for everything is shocking.

On top of that, no one can fix it, because London has been designed for that, no reason to hope for a better future there.

silvercar

I moved to London after university, having grown up in a small city. I was very happy and have stayed nearly 40 years. The sad fact in my generation is that quite a few of the people I grew up with have children now settling in London and they can’t afford to move to be near them. House prices being what they are. Whereas if we wanted to move out of London now it would be easy. In fact we have friends whose retirement plans are to downsize to a cheaper area, and live off the house price equity they have gained over the decades.

Angelica123

It sounds like this has really affected your mental health. It also seems that you are stuck in a bit of a negative mindset loop. I wonder if you would benefit from therapy. I think part of what will help you move forward is to find some contentment within your current situation - otherwise, all your energy is consumed/drained by the feeling of unfairness. Yes, your first choice may not have been to move back with your parents. But it gives you some breathing space: you can save, and you could even choose to leave your current job and make a career change knowing you have the safety of the family home. Being close to your family is important to you, so take the time to savour being close to them. This may not have been your first choice scenario but re-framing would help you immensely!

I think while you are stuck in "if only" mindset - you will never move forward. Yes, in an ideal world, you would be in a job you love, being able to afford to live where you wanted, and living close to everyone you love. But that's not the reality of the world we live in. The sooner you reach acceptance, the sooner you will be able to move forward. 

I know it is important for you to live near friends - but you are at the age where your friends may start to settle down and choose to move out of London. If any of them begin to have children - it will be harder to meet up - you often find that unless you are living in the exact same part of town (even if you both are still in London), it will require more effort to meet up - you may find that you will see them as much whether you live in London or somewhere a few hours train ride. If you cast your net wider to areas with good train links into London - you will find you will be able to see your friends as much (after work/day trips to London).  

You have mentioned that you don't love your job. What would be your ideal job? You aren't too old to re-train and now have the buffer of living in the family home. 

You mention that your life is on hold, but there is no reason for it to be. You can totally start new relationships while living with your parents. Many people in London do! Many live with their parents until they move in with their partners. What else do you want to be getting out of life? And what is stopping you? 

I think that for you, being able to change how you view your situation would be as beneficial as actually changing your situation. I honestly think working with a coach or therapist would help you immensely! Their bread and butter is working with people who feel stuck. 

RHemmings

Luke451 said:

Well thanks, Leeds vs London? With his salary, he's better off in London then...

Leeds, as other medium UK cities, they miss pretty much everything, like safety, public transport, housing quality etc...

I don't recognise your description of 'medium UK cities'. Certainly, I don't see it as being more dangerous here compared to London at all. Quite the opposite. Public transport - there is less of it here compared to London, but it helps a lot when I can easily live within walking distance from the centre of the city, and do. And, I can buy a house here of a quality that I could never ever achieve in London. I'm not in Leeds, but I have lived in Leeds. 

Tiglet2

wildbilljones said:

Hi there,

I am a 35yo male from the UK. I’ve lived in houseshares in London for most of my adult life. I recently moved home because I became tired of living out of a bedroom in a rental home and rent prices kept increasing. 

I feel far too old to be at home but I don’t know where else to turn. I earn £40k a year and have £30k savings. I don’t earn enough to buy a property and I don’t earn enough to rent a one bed property. I feel lost and don’t know where to turn. My family say “just wait and something will come along”. I know it won’t, as things only get harder in this country. 

My life is on hold because I feel unable to start new relationships while living with my parents. It keeps me in a state of depression and disenchantment. 

What am I supposed to do? I’m genuinely at the end of my tether. I feel there’s no options at all for me to live like a professional adult. 

Apologies, I haven't read your previous thread or this one in its entirety.

You mention you grew up in the outskirts of London, lived in London in a house share and moved to Norwich for a year which you didn't like.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and have just stuck a pin on the main Norwich to Liverpool Street train line and plumped for Romford.  Romford is very much on the outskirts on London with great rail links for commuting.  You earn £40k, have £30k savings, so I did a Rightmove search of properties in Romford, between £160k and £200k, as this would appear to be what you could afford to buy with the aid of a mortgage.  Rightmove showed 68 properties in this price bracket, here:
 https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?searchType=SALE&locationIdentifier=REGION%5E1138&insId=1&radius=0.0&minPrice=160000&maxPrice=200000&minBedrooms=&maxBedrooms=&displayPropertyType=&maxDaysSinceAdded=&_includeSSTC=on&sortByPriceDescending=&primaryDisplayPropertyType=&secondaryDisplayPropertyType=&oldDisplayPropertyType=&oldPrimaryDisplayPropertyType=&newHome=&auction=false

Now, you may not want to live in Romford, but this is merely an example of what's out there.  If you really want your own place and not be in a house share, then start actively looking for what you can afford, rather than be pessimistic about what you can't afford.

Best of luck.

snooksnj1

The OP has the idea situation and doesn't even realize it.  They can party with friends during the workweek in London and stay with relatives.  Since living near a lot of seniors  is not what the OP wants why not look into an University town to buy a place for the weekend as an investment and to party with 20 year olds. Maybe find someone majoring in Pre Wed. Something like this is within their budget. https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/140906123#/?channel=RES_BUY

Luke451

Angelica123 said:

I think that for you, being able to change how you view your situation would be as beneficial as actually changing your situation. I honestly think working with a coach or therapist would help you immensely! Their bread and butter is working with people who feel stuck. 

This guy is in a situation of many others in UK and he quite understood the problem but didn't find the solution yet, I don't think he needs therapy, or he may accidentally end up with his brain like a marmalade of many years old, after receiving unnecessary prescriptions, and after that, there is no way back... He can forget to realize his expectations in life.

Certainly I suggested to take it with spirit, and to tackle one issue at a time, but therapy... come on...

Luke451

RHemmings said:

Luke451 said:

Well thanks, Leeds vs London? With his salary, he's better off in London then...

Leeds, as other medium UK cities, they miss pretty much everything, like safety, public transport, housing quality etc...

I don't recognise your description of 'medium UK cities'. Certainly, I don't see it as being more dangerous here compared to London at all. Quite the opposite. Public transport - there is less of it here compared to London, but it helps a lot when I can easily live within walking distance from the centre of the city, and do. And, I can buy a house here of a quality that I could never ever achieve in London. I'm not in Leeds, but I have lived in Leeds. 

I assumed that in Leeds you need a car, as in every city in UK, unless Edinburgh or wherever the transport is 24/7.

The car would increase the life cost drammatically, so at that point, I'd be in London (also more jobs available), but all starts from the point that I wouldn't live in Leeds.