Flying solo

twiggy86

Today's bits and bobs...

• Made last CC minimum payment for the month - I had budgeted £200 but only paid the minimum of £25 and have set the rest aside for the time being
• Started next crochet project as I finished the bunny last night! 
• Will finish eating the leftover stirfry for dinner tonight - I had it cold last night and it was actually really tasty! 
• Speaking of cooking, I asked my parents for a air fryer for Xmas as I keep hearing good things about them and will mean I don't always have to turn the oven on for only a small amount of food! 
• Consider emailing re jury service - the "worse" that can happen is that they say no and I have to do it anyway!!! However, I do actually want to do it - its just coming along at a really bad time!!!

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry to read of the catalyst situation. Well done on giving a deadline …have had to do that myself albeit 7 years ago but remember the stress.  I would second changing the locks the minute the deadline passes to prevent any wandering in while you are at work ( my ex excelled at this). At least with you owning the property and being the mortgage holder, changing the locks is something you can do and not have to wait for remortgaging or a court order.

The crochet dragon looks amazing!

badmemory

Just never feel like you are the only one.  I worked from home back then & I invented a prowler so I had an excuse to keep the outer doors locked when I was home to stop him walking straight in.  Then there was the small inheritance & the redundancy money that went walkies before I found out what he was doing when he was supposed to be working away.  They are an eternal source of joy!!  The price was worth it.

twiggy86

Thanks for sharing your experiences - not that I wish this experience on others, it is nice to feel I'm not alone in being made a fool of. Sorry to hear about the disappearing money - I think I might actually order all new cards, as some of my card details are potentially saved to his online accounts (like eb*y). I check my accounts pretty much daily so would pick it up quickly but I'd just rather not be faced with that situation. 

Had a lovely evening at netball - played a lovely team, we won (makes a change!) and I got player of the match! I then stayed to watch the other games and have a chat with a few of the other players. I ate the last of the leftover stirfry before I went so it was even better that I didn't have to cook! I planned to make the stirfry on Tuesday and then when it came to dinner I didn't actually want it but cooked it anyway as I'd taken chicken out the freezer - however it's fed me for three days and I really enjoyed it!!! 

Today's few bits and bobs:

• Text friend as my car needs servicing and normally she books it for me but she's changed job role within the same garage so not sure if she can sort it out  
• Made myself a nice sandwich for lunch 
• Will cook dinner from something I already have in - I have a few options given that I haven't cooked since Tuesday! 
• Make a list of crafty bits I want to achieve this weekend - one thing is wrapping my yarn advent swap (it involves sending 24x 5g balls of yarn, so a good way to get rid of some leftovers - although of course I will be getting the same back from my partner!). I was going to buy some paper bags to make it a bit nicer but decided that I don't need the unnecessary expense of bags and stickers, so will just use some brown paper which I can number in pen and try my best to make it look fancy! 

PennysIntoPounds

Congrats player of the match!

That's really good thinking on changing account details. Maybe start jotting down accounts and any passwords to change, there's always one or two lurking you suddenly remember! 

Good call on shopping from home too 😊

DancingTurtle

Ahh Twiggy, you have my sympathies. I was in almost the exact situation as you 5 years ago. Living with a complete tool someone you are no longer in a relationship with is so, so hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I did it for 8 months, with 2 children in tow. Not easy. You sound like the most lovely, decent person but please make sure you aren't being taken advantage of. Now is the right time to think only of yourself.

Plus the feeling of relief you will experience at the end of this month when your locks are changed will be completely unmatched! Honestly, a game changer. Once he has gone, my advice would be to change things in the house, not necessarily redecorating but just the layout of a room, moving furniture, change the photos, a new duvet set etc. All those little things will help you to reclaim the space as your own which is really important when you've been through what you have.

Wishing you well and keeping my fingers crossed that your difficulties are over soon.

twiggy86

Happy Monday!

I had a good, relatively frugal weekend and did lots of crafting! Only spends were on parking - met aunt in town and then visited a friend where I have to pay to park - and some crisps and dips to nibble on at my friends. I spent a good amount of time wrapping the advent calendar using brown paper and it doesn't look too bad, so happy I didn't incur unnecessary cost.

However, I'm feeling very anxious today and annoyed at my inability to deal with things/ avoidance of conflict. Ex made a comment before he went out on Saturday about buying the work vehicle he's currently using... I then realised that this probably means he thinks he's getting the £30k as I haven't addressed/ responded to this. So of course, I felt like I needed to bring this up yesterday but chickened out and remained silent on anything remotely difficult. I have started drafting a message to him to make clear that both him and his belongings need to be out at the end of the month (he has done absolutely no packing/ sorting) and that he won't be getting any money. Haven't sent it yet but think this needs to happen today and I can't rely on myself bringing it up when I get home. 

In more positive news I have written my will myself - I am a lawyer (nothing to do with wills - or family matters!) and so have access to a resource which had a template that I used. My wishes are straight forward so I am happy to use the template without having advice from a lawyer. Just need to print it and get it signed now - so that's a job for this week. 

twiggy86

DancingTurtle said:

Ahh Twiggy, you have my sympathies. I was in almost the exact situation as you 5 years ago. Living with a complete tool someone you are no longer in a relationship with is so, so hard and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I did it for 8 months, with 2 children in tow. Not easy. You sound like the most lovely, decent person but please make sure you aren't being taken advantage of. Now is the right time to think only of yourself.

Plus the feeling of relief you will experience at the end of this month when your locks are changed will be completely unmatched! Honestly, a game changer. Once he has gone, my advice would be to change things in the house, not necessarily redecorating but just the layout of a room, moving furniture, change the photos, a new duvet set etc. All those little things will help you to reclaim the space as your own which is really important when you've been through what you have.

Wishing you well and keeping my fingers crossed that your difficulties are over soon.

I have lots of plans for the house to put my stamp on everything! Some things will take a bit more time as will involve some level of spending, but I will be doing things cheaply where possible! 

twiggy86

Now on to today's bits and bobs...

• Put some grease on the sliding doors as they've been sticking - was doing this at 6:40 this morning! 
• Tighten up toilet seat... not quite sure why I decided to do this before work but it's done now! 
• Went to make a sandwich and the bread had gone off - however this was not an excuse to buy a meal deal or something on the way to work - took a tin of soup out the cupboard instead
• Need to update my spreadsheet with the weekend's spends - feel like I've overspent for the first (nearly) half of the month 
• Read through will to make sure I'm happy with everything - will print and get my bosses to sign later this week hopefully
• Consider how to address financial situation with ex 
• Need to get a few things from the shop on my home from work - will write a small list before I go 
• Wrap present so that I can deliver it on my way home from work one day this week 

_Dolly_Rocker_

It's not an easy conversation to have but honestly you are going to feel so much better when your home is yours!

I did it in May and it was awful but I am so much happier for it. 

My ex was a massive drain on me emotionally and financially and I'll be paying off debts that he's ran up in my name until September next year but you know what I can cope with that because a few months of hard graft by me to get rid of him and everything that he ran up is better than being in a toxic and violent relationship. 

You can do this and we're all behind you with your supportive friends and family.