Flying solo

twiggy86

I did it!!! I told ex that he has until end of November to move out - and that it is a "hard" date.

The subject then quickly moved to him asking for money and I did actually throw a load of numbers at him! E.g. £283 per month average for the last two years, £15,600 debt (which was the figure at the start of June) etc. And I felt so proud of myself! 

And then about an hour ago I received a text from him requesting £30,000! This is the value he places on the various work he carried out on the house. I don't necessarily disagree that this could be accurate, but that alone does not mean that is what he gets which appears to be his opinion. 

It is a hard "no" to £30k but now the question is: How much do I want to fight him on giving him nothing VS paying him something and not dealing in hate/ arguments. I am shocked at the number he cam up with (and he appears to have forgotten everything I said last night) but equally I just want peace and to move on. 

Thankfully I have netball tonight, am going straight out from work tomorrow and won't be home until late, and then am going to my best friends for the weekend. So at least I can have some space.  

Floss

I would mute all notifications from him on your phone & ignore him while you're away.

Then next week do some sums of what he has cost to live with you vs what he has paid, and maybe check with an estate the real value of the work he has done. Note down the cost of the building materials too, and 50% of the c/c debthe's walking away from.

You said earlier that you had a figure in mind - is that still the same? Re-read what the solicitor said & think about how to frame your offer of settlement as a final, non-negotiable figure. It may be that you round it up, but it would support your offer to have some background / workings-out to show you are serious about that number.

Most important of all is DON'T RUSH into anything. Have you put that request to leave in writing?

CRANKY40

It would probably be good if you could demonstrate that he hasn't paid towards your mortgage. If you calculate the monthly bills without mortgage so gas/electric/food/petrol then you are able to demonstrate that he hasn't even contributed half to those then he can't be said to have been paying towards your property. Then there's the fact that he's lived rent free for how many years......has he included that figure in his calculations? What would he have paid as a lodger per year for 15 years? Can that be taken into account?  

twiggy86

I really appreciate all the suggestions of all the various figures to factor in to this - I'm sure if it was someone else I could see things more clearly! I didn't see ex yesterday and haven't responded to his message but I think my response is going to be along the lines of "give me your solicitors details" i.e. I'm not even negotiating with him if this is his view of his entitlement! 

twiggy86

I don't really have any "bits and bobs" for today! The plan is to go from work to my monthly stitch night - and I may treat myself to a small dinner there as I need to go from there to netball and then won't be home until 10:30ish! 

I'm then off work tomorrow and my aunt is treating me to lunch, which will be lovely! Then I'm heading to my best friends for the weekend - fireworks tomorrow night and then "jumping fun" on Saturday with her two boys! 

So possibly a few spends but I will be mindful

PennysIntoPounds

Heya, I've just caught up with your diary and subscribed. My heart goes out to you for your upset and situation. You're doing so incredibly well x

P.S. the dragon is very cute, I'm most impressed with your skill

twiggy86

Happy Monday! 

I had a lovely weekend with various people! Weekend update:

• Had a lovely night at Stitch night on Thursday - ended up spending £22 including dinner, treated myself to my fave drink (chai latte) and parking. Then had a complete change of pace and went to netball - lost but a lovely game! 
• Friday my aunt took me out for a lovely lunch and she paid so no cost there - she also mentioned that a few of her friends want me to do their power of attorney forms (I did it previously for my aunt) and that they would each pay me £100 
• Then headed off to my best friends for the weekend... 
• Friday night was a fire work display followed by food back at hers (she paid for the ticket for fireworks) 
• Saturday got up and she cooked me a full english breakfast before we headed to jumping fun with her two boys followed by a MacD0nalds (all of which she paid for). Then went back and some of her family came round and we all had a D0minoes - her OH managed to get the total bill from nearly £200 down to £100 by using coupons!!! (It was for 7 adults and 4 children) My share was £12 so that wasn't too bad. 
• Then yesterday morning my mum texted asking if I wanted dinner at theirs! Was nice to spend some time with my parents and I even took leftover lasagne with me for lunch today! 

So basically my weekend consisting mostly of eating and enjoying the company and kindness of others!

twiggy86

Now on to today's bits and bobs...

• Updated my spreadsheet with weekend's spends 
• Make CC payment as one of my statements has come in 
• Have LO lasagna and birthday cake for lunch! 
• My friend is off work today and invited me around for a cuppa at some point - I was going to go after work but that will meaning paying for parking, so I'm hoping to go at lunch because I will be able to park in her OH's parking space as he'll be at work 

Oh and by way of an update on the ex - haven't discussed money with him any further but I've hardly seen him. However, he is now the one moping as I think the reality of the sh*t show he's created has finally hit him - whereas I'm in good spirits after my lovely weekend!!! Maybe that's karma finally catching up! 

twiggy86

PennysIntoPounds said:

P.S. the dragon is very cute, I'm most impressed with your skill

Thank you - my friend's son was very sweet when he opened in and said "oh my god, how long did this take you"!!! :

Floss

That sounds like a fab weekend 😊