Flying solo

twiggy86

I appreciate your comments @ArtyJ931 The reason I'll be worse off is a combination of me earning slightly more than OH and him paying towards his children. We have gone back and forth over whether the kids should come out of his "share", but its my view that we either combine everything or we stay as we are with separate finances. Otherwise it becomes a muddled mixture of the two! He has pushed back time and time again, and says it isn't fair on me to pay towards his kids - but I see it as they (i.e. OH and his children) came as a package deal! Some of his "excitement" comes from having more money as his debts will be gone - not that his position is changing solely because of combining finances.

My parents have always shared finances - with my mum earning vastly less than my dad - so it's how I see that it should be done. I appreciate we're coming in to this later (i.e. after he's had kids) which complicates things slightly. So there is an imbalance in earnings/ outgoings, but not commitment - or at least that's how I see it! Such as I am just about to effectively inherit half of the £75k he'll receive from the sale of his dads house.

Does that make any sense or is that all just waffle?!

ArtyJ931

it’s a tricky situation for sure. I’ve been on his side of it in the past with a partner who pushed for this exact arrangement and it went down the pan a year or so later as they then felt it unfair that they had less money because of “my” kids. To be honest that was a nightmare all round but as a result I am very wary of combining finances now and haven’t done it since.

As long as you both keep talking and being honest I’m sure it will be fine :) I think it’s admirable.

dawnybabes

we always just pooled money - when we first did it we had a rule the other couldn’t buy any 1 thing for more than £75 without checking first (was a long long time ago) we could spend £75 in the supermarket but just not on a pair of boots

your cruise - you mention the wave surf thingy - is it Royal Caribbean ? If so it’s free 😁😁😁

twiggy86

@ArtyJ931 - That's so unfair to push for it and then get narky about it! Fully understand why you'd be wary!

@dawnybabes - Thank you so much! I have just gone on and cancelled it as didn't realise you could use it at any time for free!!!

We were chatting last night and are likely going to combine our money from the end of July. We had been planning to tie it in with the new house, as that would mean new direct debits etc needing to be set up so made sense to set them up from the joint account. Of course that was when we thought it would be happening "soon" (it had already been 5 months since our offer was accepted!). So all being well (I don't want to speak too soon), OH's dad's house sale should complete mid-June and at that stage, he will be able to pay off all his debt (plus mine). Provided that goes to plan, we will then combine from the following pay day. The mortgage is also fairly low, but will increase when we move - so it doesn't seem like a bad thing to start working together whilst there's more flexibility!

I fully accept that my budgeting method, spreadsheet and accounts is overly convoluted! It very much reflects tracking everything with sinking funds for all manner of things, which was necessary when I literally had to watch every penny! My financial standing is now much better, such as I have the capacity to allow myself a more reasonable "allowance" every month so getting a haircut isn't something that needs planning and budgeting in advance! This doesn't mean I am going to start being frivolous, as I still want to build wealth and not be in "emergency" situations that mean I have to drain everything and/or put stuff on credit cards! Those days are long gone!

But what it does mean that my system probably needs a re-vamp and simplification! Me being me, I of course have instantly started a new spreadsheet!!! However, I need to be conscious that OH gets a voice too to come up with a budget and savings pots that work for both of us!

Catscoffeecake

I think it wont hurt to approach him with a budget and say this is what I think would be a good starting basis, where do you think needs improvement, have I missed anything etc and then discuss it. maybe get him to do similar or if he's not that way inclined maybe he can think of things that are "important" to him and he wants to make sure are covered in the budget.

joedenise

Perhaps have a monthly "budget setting" chat a few days before the start of the new month so you both know where you stand with regards to what money is available for your personal spends. Possibly personal spends could be a cash amount withdrawn at the beginning of the month and when it's gone it's gone until the next month but doesn't have to be accounted for to the other. Or perhaps transfer a set amount to a separate personal account if you don't want to use cash.

twiggy86

So we managed to re-sell the house in two days!!! However, the house we were in the process of buying also managed to find a buyer just as quick - and the new buyers don't have a chain so are a more attractive option! We have found somewhere else that we both really like and have had an offer accepted "in principle" but the sellers aren't convinced they will be able to find what they want!!! So given that everything has already fallen through once, OH in particular is concerned about this purchase actually proceeding/ us losing our buyers! So we have a second viewing on a different place later - it's cheaper and no forward chain, which is obviously appealing, but there is a question mark about the size of the bedrooms. But the outside space is better than the other one! So we're flip-flopping about what to do at the moment!!!

We also had new tenants move into OH's flat yesterday, as that had been empty for a month. So at least we only to had to cover two mortgages for a month - which was the risk with keeping it! But equally it wasn't looking likely to get a buyer any time soon had we continued to try and sell it!

So everything has been slightly stressful on the home front!