Flying solo

twiggy86

vampirotoothus said:

Hi, I think you're being a bit too calm. He will not move out whilst you are carrying on the same. It seems you are still doing all the providing and he is doing all the taking. You need to get him GONE!. Good luck. Rooting for you V x

You are 100% correct and I can't say anything otherwise - he is continuing to take advantage and I am letting it happen. I need to give him a date and stick to my guns. It would be so much easier if I could switch off the part of me that cares and just be angry! 

foxgloves

Hello @twiggy86,
Agree with above post - sometimes we have to do hard things in order to be able to move on. Your ex needs a deadline. If there is no sign of any action as the agreed date looms, perhaps packing his stuff into bags & boxes & leaving it by the door might serve as a clue that he's come to the end of the road where your goodwill is concerned. If you are pretty much living as flatmates, he doesn't have much impetus to move.
Good luck with getting it sorted. Be strong. I remember you from 'Small things' thread a while back.
F

twiggy86

I wrote a post yesterday but then it wouldn't post and the forum seemed to have crashed!!! 

I played two games of netball last night so my legs are aching a bit - however both games were great and we won both! (We very rarely win!) It was nice as we played a horrible team on Wednesday night so was feeling a bit rubbish! 

So yesterday and today's bits and bobs:

• Paid £146 off one of the CCs - taking my total payments for the month to £642!!! There may be a few more pounds I can throw at this as part of the end of month "close out" but won't be too much. 
• I've contacted a lawyer I know through my work to discuss the financial situation re the house. Already feeling better because I feel like I'm taking control of the situation - even though I haven't spoken to him yet so still don't know any facts! 
• Claimed a whopping 28p from TCB! 
• Ex stated that he would be fitting the new shower today... ex has made similar statements in the past so I'm not holding my breathe!!! 

My weekend plans include:

• Finish making a crochet dragon ready to be gifted next week 
• Frogging my jumper so that I can start it at some point 
• I have a family party to attend on Saturday night but I will be driving so won't be spending much 
• Possibly carry out some small DIY projects - not sure I'm feeling brave enough to fit the shower (if ex doesn't) but maybe I will! 
• Maybe have another play with some air dry clay - I attempted to make a little pot but it cracked whilst drying so want to have another go! 

teapot2

Hello @twiggy86, have to agree with previous comments that there is no incentive for your ex OH to move out,  You are still making life comfortable for him so why would he?  Having his cake and eating it springs to mind.  Would you consider looking for some counselling to explore some of this?  Might help and I wonder if you are still in shock and not able to access your anger yet?

_Dolly_Rocker_

Aw I want to learn to crochet!

twiggy86

I spoke to a lawyer on Friday (free initial chat) and her view was that it is highly unlikely that ex would legally be entitled to any financial payout from me. However, she suggested considering a "nuisance payoff" to get him gone and also consider a separation agreement to ensure he doesn't try and get more. I haven't come to any conclusions yet but have been giving it some thought. And whilst I chickened out of having a conversation about moving out, I did put a big empty box in front of his bedroom door - which is a big step for me (as silly as that sounds!)

twiggy86

Now for an update on the weekend:

• I finished my dragon! It's huge and now wrapped but will need to get a card before I go to see him on Friday. It used up materials I already had to "no spend" required (although of course I did buy the materials at some point in the past) @_Dolly_Rocker_ you should definitely learn to crochet! 
• Made a start on the next present - a bunny this time. I did purchase a ball of yarn as didn't have the right colour (I'm sure I could have found something that would have worked in all honesty though!) so £2 spend there and then the rest I already had
• Didn't frog my jumper but did take some measurements to try and work out how to get it the right size next time 
• Didn't do any DIY but I did do a load of cleaning, so house is at least feeling fresher/ more ordered! 
• Spent £8 at the party but gave some people a lift home and they gave me £20 even though it was only about 5 minutes out of my way! 
• I £20 in my cousins card for his birthday, but that came out of the "present pot" - which is now depleted so will need topping back up! 
• Oh and I also didn't list the items on V*nted! I did photograph one thing, decided something else needs to be binned and was having a "I want to keep everything else" moment!!! 
• Part of the reason there are so many "didn't's" on the list was that I went to see my brother and nephews yesterday afternoon - had a lovely time making bath bombs! 

Floss

Good to read you've had some advice. The suggested payoff & agreement are good ideas, and will give you both closure.

Will we see a photo of your dragon? 

twiggy86

And now on to today's list!:

• Paid £100 cash into the bank on way to work - this is what ex has given me so far. Also prompted him to transfer the rest of the promised money! 
• Checked something on the item to go on V*nted so that I can actually list it! 
• I've updated my budget spreadsheet with the weekend's spends - pay day tomorrow and looks like I will have a small amount to make an extra debt payment! Possibly near £50 if I include the £20 petrol money I received on Saturday but will do all my rounding tomorrow 
• Going to see a friend tonight so won't have much time at home this evening - will probably have soup for dinner

Think that's pretty much everything for today! 

twiggy86

Here's my dragon @Floss - in looking at this photo I've realised he has wonky nostrils but who wants perfection!