Flying solo

Floss

twiggy86 said:

...I also realised that I had in my head that my December pay (i.e. next week) will be impacted by jury duty - it won't, it will be my pay at the end of December. So my plan is to try save as much from next week's pay to have a buffer at the end of the month to cover any shortfall. Both my parents and brother have also said they will help out, but I really want to do this myself - but that may not be possible. I do of course have my £1,000 emergency fund but the "jury is still out" on if I will end up giving anything to ex, which would potentially wipe that out.

Ahh, but you're not being paid for jury duty so cannot afford to give him anything 😉

PennysIntoPounds

I know it's pointless saying don't worry about paying out to your ex as of course you're worried as would we all be, but you weren't married, his name isn't on the mortgage, he's just a chancer and emotional blackmailer. If he wants to pay to engage a solicitor, which seems unlikely given his loathing to part with money, and submit a legal claim for labour and materials (plus mental distress to him caused by him cheating on you lol), then you have a far more expensive list of ways in which he hasn't paid his fair share in your relationship let alone since you broke up.
Obviously I know nothing about actual legal practicalities but that might be enough to tell him to do one with his fanciful notion he's owed something. Is it worth consulting your legal colleagues so you can get something in place to show him he's being a p**** if you're comfortable doing so? 

twiggy86

Morning all! 

Quiet evening after a day of text arguing with ex (however all was fine when he came in at about 9pm). He was basically listing out all of the things he believed he paid for. He also offered to pay me £300-£400 moving forward towards to credit cards - as if I believe that is going to happen (and was probably contingent on a pay out now!) 

Ooo - excitingly my yarn advent swap arrived yesterday! I can't open anything until 1 December and I think given that I have a couple of gifts that need completing for Xmas, plus I'd really like to complete my year long project in December, I'm not sure I will have time to complete it daily but I can try! For what I have in mind, I may need to order something but I might start out and see if I change my mind! 

Today's bits and bobs:

• Look at my options re car tax - it is the same price to pay by monthly direct debit vs 6-monthly direct debit. This is only £8.50 more for the entire year compared to paying it in full so currently debating my options. Seems wise to pay monthly but I've always paid in full - but put the money aside monthly so actually wouldn't make any difference, other than having a pot of money left
• Look at how to claim council tax discount - looks like I just have to complete a simple form online 
• Write out my December budget in my little notebook - will try a google form but at the moment I only have my phone at home so may be difficult to view properly so possibly rather just have a "pen and paper" version 
• Netball tonight and was asked to play an extra game but I declined as would have been an additional £5 spend 
• I am potentially going ice-skating on Friday now which will cost £14.50 - they always have an ice-rink at Xmas in town but I've never been so looking forward to that (if it happens) 

PennysIntoPounds

He is giving you b****r all towards credit cards and needs to be out with all his stuff from one week tomorrow, how long does he think he can play this out 😂
Make it clear he's relinquishing anything left in YOUR property from the 1st Dec and put it in writing and save/send copies 

stymied

I assume most things he bought will have significantly depreciated in value since then anyway so he’s already had the value out of them. It doesn’t make sense to try and claim the full value back now.

Little_bit_taller

He clearly doesn't think you will kick him out and to the kerb. You need to get someone in living with you for the next week. You will feel SO much better when this is over with. This situation happens to so many women. As I said before ... do not pay him a penny!

twiggy86

Enjoyed my game of netball last night even though we lost - but we expected to lose as were playing a very hard team! Yesterday also ended up being a NSD (other than netball which I don't count as a spend as I have a separate line for it in my budget!) I did meet my friend at the pub beforehand but I didn't have a drink (partially to avoid spending and partially because we genuinely didn't have very long and I didn't fancy downing a drink before netball!) Dinner beforehand was a simple beans on sour dough - my boss makes me a loaf of sour dough every week!! 

I didn't manage to get to everything on my list yesterday as had a busy day at work, so some things have rolled over to today...

• Print out some potential patterns for my yarn advent at work so that I have them to hand on 1 December - think I've decided on what I'm going to do and it may not mean buying anything as I will hopefully have enough of the colour to use alongside the advent yarn in stash 
• Sort out car tax - going to do monthly DD 
• Print out budgets as not sure I'll have time to write them out, but at least then I can do that at my own leisure if I have them printed 
• Work on Xmas present at lunch - again, didn't have much time to work on this yesterday so feeling behind! 
• Netball again tonight but already budgeted for 
• Possibly another NSD?! 

twiggy86

And re ex - again thanks for all your support. He has texted this morning saying he will be borrowing a work van to move stuff next week... and also asking what I can give him financially as he accepts that £30k is too much. This could mean one of two things - I've finally got through to him that his expectations are ridiculous (although obviously he is still asking for something) OR that he's realised that the approach of making ridiculous demands isn't working so he's trying a different tactic! 

If I'm honest, I can see me giving him something as a "nuisance payment" as the lawyer called it. That's just me - I know I'm soft to my own detriment! However, despite whatever any outcome is, I can say that I'm proud of how I've handled things so far. 

PennysIntoPounds

Well done on all your ongoing productivity, good call on the monthly car payments for a bit more peace of mind over this period.

Obviously it's your life and your choice but I really don't see why you should be additionally out of pocket to someone who hasn't paid their fair way, is in this situation because HE cheated, and has caused you untold extra stress by not getting their act together to move until the last minute. As far as I see it, the choice isn't 'give me money or I won't go' it's 'go or I'm calling the police at midnight exactly in one week from today'.
As mentioned before, if he wants to consult a solicitor and send you an official invoice of monies owed then he can, and will be met with a counter claim of significantly more to cover rent, bills, wear and tear, food and car/petrol.

Also, make sure he knows that 'next week' is by the deadline, not Friday, not over the next weekend, it's by the deadline he was given a month ago!

stymied

Tbh I would give the nuisance payment so he can cover first month and deposit on a room in a shared house and has no excuse not to get out.