Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for my eldest stepdaughter to go on holiday with us?

Janey333

Absolutely! Adult earning children/step-children  should contribute or pay. Never again - hard life lesson for me after  years of funding step-children including holidays and on one 5* all inclusive, their boyfriends as well, with little thanks and zero respect. Make them learn the value of money early and pay their way in life. 

2702

They should pay for themselves or dad should pay for everyone including you.Why should you pay for his grown up kids? But then you need to speak to him about that.

TABond007

I have three daughters ranging from ages 27 to 21.  All work, being full or part time, the eldest is living with her fiance and the other two are at home.  Whether the people involved are step children or your own then they should be treated the same.  How are they going to appreciate how much a holiday costs if they are constantly given freebies.  We have just returned from a villa holiday in France, we gauge it that myself and my husband pay for the villa and the girls and fiance pay for their own flights and a contribution towards the holiday insurance.  We go self-catering and they chip in with food costs while we are away.

Cirrus5

I hope this is a rhetorical question !  Independent house owners and good earners . No they should pay for themselves - why include the boyfriend anyway !

Agent57

At some point all 'children' should transition into self-sufficient adults.  The timing may vary and the transition may be gradual. Parents are, of course, free to give generous gifts to their children at any time.  You just need to talk to your husband.  If you are getting into debt to pay for his wealthy daughter's holiday ( and her boyfriend) then I would suggest that is a step too far.  If he has ready cash to pay for a holiday for (seven?) then maybe it is not such a big deal.  Are we talking out of season in Bognor or All-inclusive in Barbados?   Usual lack of full disclosure on these topics. 

Agent57

Beware of setting precedents as you could end up supporting all the other children and their partners well into their twenties.  Paying for ten adults could get really expensive.

pam_fam

If it was my child and I could afford it then I would definitely treat them. Life is too short and these moments of sharing quality time are priceless. Let the hubby do this with his kids.

realistic55

Well I think the main question here is Are you wealthy enough to pay for all as previous holiday? If so what is the dilemma? I would not want to be the step mum who appears to single out the oldest stepdaughter and make her feel not part of the family (the boyfriend is slightly different matter but again down to how well off you are🤷‍♀️) I would imagine they may want to do their own thing soon enough so I wouldn’t want to cause resentment. 

dirtmother

I'd agree with those who are saying this is context dependent... is this something you decide on and organise and invite them on? Is the priority spending time as a family (perhaps saving you money in other ways if you would otherwise have to organise weekends/travel to see one another)?

Be aware that if you expect a contribution of the kind you are implying it may prove quite a headache - what if they can't go and want money back? What if, paying equal whack, they are no longer happy to just get the bedroom they are given as your guests? 

How about instead agreeing different sorts of contribution such as paying for meals out/food shopping/activities but not the basic accommodation cost? That might be achieved much less awkwardly and achieve mutual respect.

simonwilliams0308

Always a tricky situation and I believe there is no one size fits all. You have to weigh everything up and have an open discussion. Including about your own financial circumstances. We have taken our own "grown up" children on holidays and paid for them when we have been able to and money for them was tight. But it's not something we do all the time or we can always afford to do. The types of holidays have varied from short breaks in this country to longer ones overseas. Hope that helps.