Money Moral Dilemma: Should we pay for my eldest stepdaughter to go on holiday with us?

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

live with my husband and our five-year-old daughter, and we have a 16-year-old stepson who lives with us a couple of days a week, a 19-year-old stepdaughter at university and a 20-year-old stepdaughter who has just bought her first home. Last time we went away, we paid for them all, including the eldest's boyfriend. For our next holiday, my husband and I disagree about whether the eldest and her boyfriend should now pay for themselves or at least contribute. My stance is that they should pay, especially in the current economic situation, as she earns more than us put together.

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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Comments

  • Newly_retired
    Newly_retired Posts: 2,954 Forumite
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    If the holiday has already been booked, I would hope that the cost has already been discussed. If not, assumptions will probably have been made, based on last year.

    If this is future planned holiday, not yet booked,  it is a big assumption that the couple with want to come with you, especially now she has bought her ( their? ) first home. A conversation is needed before the holiday is booked. 

    Every family will have its own view on how long young adults are still supported, but in my opinion, for what it's worth, is that once they are working, or moved out and living with someone in a relationship,  they stand on their own feet. Of course that doesn't stop a parent being generous, but in this case, as the step-daughter earns plenty, she can afford her own holiday.
  • Skiddaw1
    Skiddaw1 Posts: 2,017 Forumite
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    I'd start with the assumption that she and her boyfriend would probably prefer to do their own thing anyway. I'd not be surprised if the 19 year old stepdaughter would also prefer to be off doing something with her peers. Putting myself in their respective shoes when I was their age I know I'd have avoided a big family holiday like a rabid dog! :)
  • louloo22
    louloo22 Posts: 31 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    You need to ask do they want to come and tell them the cost. Explain you can't pay for everyone this year. 
    I've paid towards my older kids holidays in the past as I've known they didn't have it. But if they have the money who shouldn't they pay?
  • bikaga
    bikaga Posts: 157 Forumite
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    Like at least 3/4 of moral dilemmas here, this could be solved in 5 minutes if British people hadn't been told that having an open and honest conversation, especially about money, wasn't the done thing. In many places, people would just approach their kids and ask if they wanted to come and whether they could contribute something or everything towards the cost, and hey presto. Less misunderstanding, better awareness of each other's needs and constraints, nothing lost. But no, it's the UK, so you need to second-guess people and then get aggravated about what you think they think. Talk to them.
  • retired19
    retired19 Posts: 21 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Talk to all the adults involved. They maybe offspring but they are adults and need to be involved in honest decision making. Is it just pride that stands in the way of honesty about your financial situation?
  • MSE_Sarah said:
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    live with my husband and our five-year-old daughter, and we have a 16-year-old stepson who lives with us a couple of days a week, a 19-year-old stepdaughter at university and a 20-year-old stepdaughter who has just bought her first home. Last time we went away, we paid for them all, including the eldest's boyfriend. For our next holiday, my husband and I disagree about whether the eldest and her boyfriend should now pay for themselves or at least contribute. My stance is that they should pay, especially in the current economic situation, as she earns more than us put together.

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

    B If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
     Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
    If they are living independently, they should pay independently, particularly if they are earning more than your household. 
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