Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner contribute more to household bills as he works from home?

markin

The was a thread over on housing board very simula to this but the was no kids yet and the main concern was what happens when you have kids, it seems like that thread inspired mse.

Swipe

This has to be one of the most ridiculous MSE dilemma threads ever.

Gardendays

This 'dilemma' - if indeed it is a real one, makes me feel incredibly sad and decidedly ancient.
When my 'partner' and I married over 40 years ago, our vows included the words (said by us both) "with all my worldly goods I thee endow". How times have changed.

ellyj

So very true and the correct way if you love somebody

mumf

Gardendays said:

This 'dilemma' - if indeed it is a real one, makes me feel incredibly sad and decidedly ancient.
When my 'partner' and I married over 40 years ago, our vows included the words (said by us both) "with all my worldly goods I thee endow". How times have changed.

My wife and I are just behind you at 33 years. We combine our incomes,and then pay the bills. What’s left we save and spend. That’s why on very moderate incomes we are comfortable. It’s not difficult. 

Merlin139

For me its about both contributing to all the costs. 

Each partner has a set amount they can spend and do what they want with, the rest all goes into the big pot.

Works perfectly well for us, been married nearly 40 years. For most of that time I was earning 3 times as much as my wife but we both had the same amount to spend.

Each relationship is different and whatever is best for them then that's the correct answer. No right or wrong way. 

MSE_Kelvin

dealyboy said:

@GingerTim said:

I suspect MSE might regret posting this in the plain speakin' energy forum!

No I don't think so ... indeed @MSE_Kelvin may well be in line for a bonus now that the Daily Express has picked this up ... Money Saving Expert user divides opinion on whether income should affect bill payments (msn.com).

Hahaha! Thanks for posting that @dealyboy, hadn't seen that - will give Martin a shout about that bonus when he's back off holiday

Chrysalis

There is never going to be a right or wrong answer to this as every relationship is different.

My own personal view is primarily based on two things, one I share money with partner, what is mine is also theirs so if they want to buy something they cant afford but I can, then they buy it from my income.

Second is when it comes to bills, the way I approach is the higher earner pays more of the bills.  From the question this is already happening, so I am not sure of the value of entering a negotiation with your partner is worth it here, relationship or money comes first?

Pescur

I will not slag off the person who sent this moral dilemma as enough have done that and I can't help but agree with them about this being a relationship that is the foundation for a family etc.

HOWEVER, I think the right way to answer this is to ask what is the best way to agree finances in the household for a couple as this creates an equally difficult dilemma. 

So we have Jane and John,  Jane earns £47,000 plus bonus of around £15,000, John earns £150,000 plus a 50% bonus so his Gross income is £225,000.

They don't get any benefits and John has his tax free allowance taken back when his tax is calculated.

Jane had a baby about a year ago and is going back to work soon, they both work and live in London, childcare is around £100 a day.  Mortgage is eye watering as they financed property improvements.

The dilemma is how should bills be split, John earns around 78.3% of the household income while Jane earns 21.6%. Does this mean they should add up all outgoing and pay their respective percentage of the household bills?

Should they have a Joint Account for bills and contribute their respective percentages or should it be 50/50?

What about other bills, trips, holidays, childcare, at what point is something a personal expense that Jane or John should pay for out of their own money?

What about the mortgage?

If the law says they are 50/50 owners of the home then shouldn't they be paying 50% each?

What about private healthcare and insurance, John is at greater risk in that if something happens to him the home will almost certainly be lost or downsized.

What about cost to go to work for both of them, should these be bundled into a shared cost?

What about car finance, John has a 4 year personal contract hire agreement costing £600 a month both of them use public transport for work and only use the car at weekends where they share driving.

Would this approach be better than being bitter over the other person using more energy as they are working from home?

If the person reduced their hours and had more leisure time does that mean they should pay for childcare?

Should they work a full day week and contribute to the childcare?

What happens if the person with the lower salary does not earn enough to pay for the childcare, should they not work.

In the example question the cost of energy etc would be a saving compared to the cost of season ticket to work.

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I work part-time from my workplace and look after our child one day a week to save on childcare costs. My partner works full-time from home, using two computers, cooking food and having the lights and heating on as required. He contributes more towards bills than I do, as I reduced my hours, and therefore pay, to care for our child, but I think he should contribute even more, as he uses much more energy, water and so on than I do. Should I ask him to pay more?

Spoonie_Turtle

All the posts mentioning that different arrangements work for different relationships are correct - but missing the fact that clearly their current arrangement is not working for them if they can't agree.