Money Moral Dilemma: Should my partner contribute more to household bills as he works from home?

skinflint_me

@CSI_Yorkshire Actually, we do exactly this - and it works for us.  We also had a conversation when one of us started WFH and was gaining a tax benefit for this, although we didn't reapportion bills as a result.

We are both only children, very independent and with business/accountancy backgrounds.  We've never 'shared' as such and we each buy our own food, have our own separate plates and cutlery in our own cupboards, even our own freezers but do share a fridge, albeit with our own individual shelves within.  We have a notebook, the 'Bill Book' and settle up at the end of each month with who owes what.  

The weekly grocery delivery is apportioned re who bought each item although items such as washing detergent are split 50:50.   

I know this may sound strange to some, but we've always done this.  It works for us and we've never had any arguments about money and have been happily married for 34 years.

Abbafan1972

skinflint_me said:

@CSI_Yorkshire Actually, we do exactly this - and it works for us.  We also had a conversation when one of us started WFH and was gaining a tax benefit for this, although we didn't reapportion bills as a result.

We are both only children, very independent and with business/accountancy backgrounds.  We've never 'shared' as such and we each buy our own food, have our own separate plates and cutlery in our own cupboards, even our own freezers but do share a fridge, albeit with our own individual shelves within.  We have a notebook, the 'Bill Book' and settle up at the end of each month with who owes what.  

The weekly grocery delivery is apportioned re who bought each item although items such as washing detergent are split 50:50.   

I know this may sound strange to some, but we've always done this.  It works for us and we've never had any arguments about money and have been happily married for 34 years.

This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read! 

Not a partnership at all. 

squirrel59

Initial thoughts on this thorny problem: a) get a joint bank account already, b) yeah, you really sound as though you should be having a child together, c) for Heaven's sake...!

bikaga

I'm a big fan of separate finances. Mostly from seeing many of the women of my mum's generation, including some of her friends, left with nothing much to their names as the more financially savvy men. I hate the idea that "if you love each other you'll share everything" - all these women implicitly trusted their partners before they screwed them over.

So I won't recommend going for shared finances on principle because I don't think that's necessarily the way for everyone.

But.

There is such a thing as spending more time and energy on admin than what you get back as a benefit. Now for me, the bills of living together (minus very clear one-sided expenses like Sky Sports that only one person ever uses) are one of those cases. You seem to be going into more detail than what's useful.

It does feel like you want him to pay twice extra, once for earning more and once for using more, which he's kind of already covering by contributing more to the shared bills.

So you can either live with slight inequalities, or list every single thing you do that could be avoidable and split it exactly, taking into account salary differences and subtracting the child. Both are fine, but be careful what you wish for. You might find he's using 30% more energy but paying 40% more towards the bills, so you'd have to pay him... I'd recommend going with a reasonable approximation and not watching every penny unless you really have to, in which case I would hope that in the interest of the child you'd focus on them rather than bickering about him having the light on while he's working from home and contributing to the bills.

kadison

I'd say no, you'll ruin your relationship trying to account for every little thing, my husband and I work under the belief that 'everything will even out in time', that said we both pay the same amount into a joint account from which we pay all household expenses. We don't care if I buy some shampoo just for me at Sainsbury's for example, but anything bigger than a few pounds comes out of our own accounts. If you work less to account for childcare, consider having your own personal account then paying into a joint account for bills and childcare costs. Then work out how much you each need to contribute, for example if he works 40 hours a week and you work 30, you need to contribute three-quarters of whatever he does, assuming your salaries or hourly earnings are similar. Hope this helps x

LadyBee_2

How would you plan deal with things if your partner developed a long term illness, and so couldn't work/earn?     I hope you find an answer, but it doesn't read like a loving relationship to me.

Markie11

We have a joint account that all bill payments and all household outgoings come out - obviously this is budgeted. We both pay into the joint account, albeit different amounts. We make sure that we have an equal amount 'spends' each month in our own accounts that we can spend how we like. She may save up for girl weekends away or clothing, I may choose to save for other reasons. We see this way as a pretty simple method, covering our joint needs, but also providing our own spending wants.

Just wondering if you're going to ask him today more for the Internet given he probably uses more of it.

Bob++

Brie said:

  Going down the "uses" route means the child should be contributing as well!

I used to tell our kids that I was keeping a record of how much they were costing and expected repayment in due course. They didn't really believe me I'm sure but there was always this niggling doubt when they wanted something expensive.

BobT36

QrizB said:

Brie said:

GingerTim said:

I suspect MSE might regret posting this in the plain speakin' energy forum!

well spotted!!!

And just to stir things a bit.....I'm well aware that some couples, completely emotionally devoted to each other, keep their finances completely separate.

OTOH the QrizB household runs on strictly Marxist principles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_each_according_to_his_ability,_to_each_according_to_his_needs

We have a joint account that receives our salaries, from which household bills are paid and from which we each draw an allowance for personal spending.

In my household we each keep our own savings / salaries separate, and total up & both pay half towards all non-personal expenses (bills, food, car maintenance, household items etc etc). Stuff we buy PURELY for ourselves we buy with our own money. Works for us. 

If we have kids and one works less SPECIFICALLY for the child, the other will contribute an amount totalling half of the "cost" (salary impact or whatever) of doing so. That way it's kept purely "fair" legal-wise so no "side" could argue they were worse-off in the event of any divorce dispute etc. Same if one contributed more in terms of household work etc, but again we generally halve that too so that's not a problem.

Can't see any argument against this method when both are working. If one earns more (not due to impacts as per the above) then so what? The one earning less has to simply get a better job if they want the same money.
If one worked purely part-time or not at all, I can see a different arrangement being more suitable, though.

Each to their own!

As to the thread context, I save SO much more money working and eating from home, compared to when I had to spend money commuting and buying lunch from sandwich shops etc. An extra bit of electric or toilet flush is moot by comparison. 

honestcove

I sleep 6hrs a night, my partner 8hrs. We need a new mattress. Instead of splitting the cost 50/50 I suggested they pay 57%. They suggested buying separate mattresses and putting them in separate houses. I think I’ll stick with 50/50.