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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more for our holiday because it's one my partner won't like?



  • ripongrammargirl
    Being in a couple is all about give and take. It seems that you give a lot by always doing what he wants, holiday wise. I find this very odd and not the basis for a long term relationship. Why will he hate it? What kind of holiday do you usually take and what do you want to do now that he doesn’t? Seems to me he needs to broaden his horizons a lot and let you have the chance of doing what you want for a change. Or if he is that mean that he says no then go on your own or with a friend, and don’t have another holiday with him later on. Compromise is the key- alternate years chosen by you and him or this is very one sided and unfair on you plus any family you might have.
  • Annie2018
    Honestly, give him the offer of coming (50:50 on cost), or go without him. I’ve tried dragging partner on holiday he didn’t fancy, won’t be trying it again! Go by yourself or with a friend. Carpe diem!
  • Malcvolm
    Without knowing what the holiday is, it’s location, your likes etc, it’s impossible to comment sensibly.
    for example the holiday could be

    hang gliding in Turkey
    advanced knitting techniques in Polperro
    potholing in yorkshire
    bavarian beer festival
    sunbathing in the south of france
     discover Italian glass in Murarano 

    give us a clue!

  • Parkerlings
    Maat said:
    Given that your partner normally gets his own way with regard to holidays I'd say to not offer to pay more this time. You've had to pay several times for holidays which were more for him so it's time he did the same. If he'd asked you to pay extra I assume you would have mentioned so I'd leave it.
    Not what she said at all. She said that she usually lets her partner decide. It doesn't state she doesn't want to go, they didn't discuss it first, or that she didn't enjoy it. It is possible that the bookings he made were with her in mind, seeing as some partners love their partner enough to make a decision they might like more. I think that you are taking this too much for granted that everything is against her.
  • Parkerlings
    Hardly what I would call a dilemma. Try talking to your partner and discuss what you would both enjoy doing and choose a top 3 and lucky dip. It's a partnership, not a me me me ship. I'm sure he discussed something first on previous trips or surprised you with something he thought you would enjoy. If you cannot talk about it with your partner then there isn't much more to say.
  • keithyno.1
    keithyno.1 Posts: 100 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Photogenic Combo Breaker
    This is a very bizarre MMD this week. 

    “I usually let my partner decide where we go on holiday.” In most relationships it’s a joint decision that’s agreeable to both parties. Why do you allow him to make this decision unilaterally?

    “The catch is that the holiday won't be to my partner's liking - it's not the sort of thing he's interested in at all.” It sounds like a recipe for the holiday from hell, in that any enjoyment of it will be one-sided in your favour and he’ll have a right miserable time of it and it could test the relationship to breaking point.

    Sadly I don’t think the dilemma here is a financial one, as in who should pay for what. Rather, it sounds like you and your partner aren’t really that compatible at all, certainly not when it comes to holidays. I can’t help thinking whether you should be considering what future there is in the relationship anyway, or at the very least whether it really works going away on holiday together.

  • welchandginger
    a few questions.1)when your partner decides do they try to find something for everyone even if its not fully to your liking.2).do you actually know for sure they dont want to go or are you basing it on past experiences.3). is your partner the type to try new things or are they set in their ways.

    as a youngster i had many holidays i had partial input in and it never stopped me enjoying them.willingness to try and a posiitive outlook are what matters.if you are paying an equal share or greater then your say is valid especially if its not been put to use in past.it really comes down to what you both enjoy and that means if you've been ingnored in past one holiday of your chosing isn't going to hurt.if your partner has tried to include you then try to return the favor,you may have to lower your expectations but perhaps that is also what they did.
  • jenniewb
    jenniewb Posts: 12,838 Forumite
    Photogenic First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Well, I know this wasn't the question, but I'd first ask why you want your partner to be there, when you know he wont enjoy himself? Is it because you think you'll be able to make him enjoy things? Or because you're imagining paying him back by going on a holiday of his tasting some time soon after?
    If it's the latter, for sure pay the same way equally. But if it's the former, or for anything other than knowing he is as happy to go as you are, then I'd say it's your treat and unless it's the essentials, you're footing the complete bill. Then it's for him to pay you the favor when he see's something he feels he wants to share.

    I have never gone as far as a holiday, but nights out, cinema tickets/shows/events...etc, if I want company, and I know the other person wouldn't have considered the event without me asking them to go with me, I'd not expect them to pay the bill. If I knew they were into the event and would have gone without me, then fair enough, but forcing someone to pay to sit with you, that's not cool and looks like an argument waiting to happen! This is not about the money, it's about the respect and owning your choices and not expecting anyone else to foot the bill for them. 
  • LAMBS60
    LAMBS60 Posts: 19 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I agree with the last post . What do you usually do ? How different is the holiday you want to have this year ? Do you usually enjoy your holiday ? 
  • honestcove
    honestcove Posts: 79 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Annie2018 summed it up for me. You are partners not Siamese twins, so doing some things separately is fine.
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