Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more for our holiday because it's one my partner won't like?

zagfles

Pollycat said:

Agent57 said:

I know relationships are about give and take and being flexible but I've never understood why one person thinks they can make another do something they don't want/need/have to do and then in return allow the other person to make them do something they don't want to do.  That's very destructive. If you didn't want to go on the holidays he chose then you should have said "No.".  or were you quite happy to go and enjoyed them anyway even though he chose them?  You should both be compromising and going on holidays you are both happy with.  There is a whole world out there to choose from.  You don't say what your partner's objection is.  Another dilemma where we don't have all the key facts.

I don't agree with this.
Why should someone compromise on what is likely to be a pretty expensive spend?
If my OH is a keen walker/climber and I'm afraid of heights, should I really compromise and be afraid for my life every step of the way?
I'm sure that would dampen his enthusiasm for something he really enjoys.
If I like lazing on a beach in an all-inclusive hotel, and he hates to sit in the sun, should he really compromise and be unhappy every day and consider the holiday a waste of time and money?

As for this:

Agent57 said:

  Another dilemma where we don't have all the key facts.

MSE deliberately don't include key facts.
MMDs always say:

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

After one MMD that elicited lots of opposing comments, the originator came to the thread and posted what he/she had sent to MSE.
It contained lots of information that had been cut out which would have reduced the comments/arguments.

Yes these MMDs are usually too vague for anyone to give a useful answer.

"I usually let my partner decide..." could mean anything from "I let him do all the research and planning because I CBA and he plans it all with my interests in mind" to "He just books a package to somewhere he wants to go and doesn't even consult me or consider what I'd like".

Then people responding just assume where on the scale it is based on stereotypes or their own prejudices.

And depending on the specifics, it may be quite easy to solve. If for instance one of this couple is a "walker/climber" and the other a "lazing on the beach" person, then could go somewhere with both good walks/climbs and good beaches, then each can do what they like in the day and get together in the evening for a meal/drink.

primrose_penguin

Have you mentioned the holiday you would like to him, if so did he seem pleased to go for your sake? If he told you he would not enjoy it I wouldn't waste money on a holiday that would be disliked by him because it would totally spoil it for you. Have you got a friend or family member you could go with, it seems a shame to miss out, especially as you have always gone with his holiday choice. If he is happy to go I would keep with your usual arrangement of splitting the cost evenly, and in future perhaps it would be a good idea for you to jointly decide where to go on holiday, not just his choice. Good luck and I hope you get to go and have a good time.

Pollycat

zagfles said:

Pollycat said:

Agent57 said:

I know relationships are about give and take and being flexible but I've never understood why one person thinks they can make another do something they don't want/need/have to do and then in return allow the other person to make them do something they don't want to do.  That's very destructive. If you didn't want to go on the holidays he chose then you should have said "No.".  or were you quite happy to go and enjoyed them anyway even though he chose them?  You should both be compromising and going on holidays you are both happy with.  There is a whole world out there to choose from.  You don't say what your partner's objection is.  Another dilemma where we don't have all the key facts.

I don't agree with this.
Why should someone compromise on what is likely to be a pretty expensive spend?
If my OH is a keen walker/climber and I'm afraid of heights, should I really compromise and be afraid for my life every step of the way?
I'm sure that would dampen his enthusiasm for something he really enjoys.
If I like lazing on a beach in an all-inclusive hotel, and he hates to sit in the sun, should he really compromise and be unhappy every day and consider the holiday a waste of time and money?

As for this:

Agent57 said:

  Another dilemma where we don't have all the key facts.

MSE deliberately don't include key facts.
MMDs always say:

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

After one MMD that elicited lots of opposing comments, the originator came to the thread and posted what he/she had sent to MSE.
It contained lots of information that had been cut out which would have reduced the comments/arguments.

Yes these MMDs are usually too vague for anyone to give a useful answer.

I would substitute 'usually' for 'always'.

One could wonder what the point is...

bikaga

Give them the choice: Go and share equally, go and pay a bit less but do the same for you if they book something that's not really your kind of thing, stay home.

Willowthewisp2

If you've always shared holiday costs, even when it's not your choice, it seems fair to do the same this time.  

CraftyLittleLisa

I would say discuss it with them firstly.  However, I would think it would be fair to take it in turns to chose a holiday to go on for you both and you both pay half each.  If they really object - go on your own or with someone else who would enjoy it.

tenuissent

I love Venice but my husband has absolutely no interest in going there and has refused to consider it. Therefore I go without him. Once with family and twice with friends. We have a joint bank account plus separate accounts, so I have paid for these visits from my own account. This has caused no problems at all, and has been the perfect solution.

When we go on holiday together we discuss it beforehand and make sure we are both going to enjoy ourselves. We have indeed stayed several times with a particular colleague and his wife whose company I don't enjoy as much as he does, but I make sure I have plenty to read and do on these occasions, and certainly don't sulk or complain.

toby3210

I think you have to step up and pay the extra. Also to compensate you can offer to do something he likes more next year and get that agreed first so it's not contentious.

TGH

Who would you rather go on holiday with?   A friend, who is going to enjoy the same things that you do .... or a "Victor Meldrew" who would possibly complain all the time because he's not enjoying anything at all?

I've been on a holiday with a "Victor Meldrew", and NEVER again!!! The best bit was that he chose the holiday, to Corfu, when it was meant to be the hottest temperatures. He complained within 30 minutes of getting out of bed on the 1st day that he couldn't go outside anywhere because he'd become covered in a prickly heat rash! We were there for 2 weeks lol. I enjoyed my holiday in the sun, the travelers' cheques were in my name and I forgot to leave him some money a few days (so he couldn't sit at the bar all day and get drunk). I made friends there with some of the locals and went back, on my own, 2 years later after I'd got rid of Victor 

Makingabobor2

I would never expect my DH to go on a holiday they wouldn't enjoy. But then again we always like the same type of holiday. Can't imagine being with someone who didn't share my interests.