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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay more for our holiday because it's one my partner won't like?

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  • san8888
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    My partner came to India with me and enjoyed it, but doesn’t share my desire to go again. So I’m going with my daughter next year. 
    We both contribute to ideas as to where to go on holiday, pretty evenly, and we each pay half. Even places I wouldn’t have chosen myself (eg Alaska) have turned out to be interesting- travel broadens the mind!
    If your partner usually dictates where you go on holiday, then it’s only fair you should have your choice too. Relationships are about give and take. So what if it happens to be more expensive this time - how much have you spent on the holidays your partner has chosen?
  • vickivicki_2
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    I would give him the option of coming with me and paying half. I don’t think you should pay more as it will put pressure on the holiday and could cause resentment. 

    If he doesn’t want to go, that’s fine, just go on your own or with friends. You don’t have to do everything together. 
  • daver9
    daver9 Posts: 10 Forumite
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    One partner usually deciding on a holiday doesn't necessarily mean they are getting their own way at their partners' expense. Lots of comments suggesting this is a tit-for-tat as he usually chooses but it could be the case he chooses holidays that are perfect for OP.

    Also, some suggestions that OP should go alone or with someone else and take a separate holiday with their partner. Personally, I would find this impossible, going on holiday without my partner leaving her to look after the kids forcing her to take time off work for both mine and her holidays and the other logistical and financial challenges that would cause would be a nightmare to manage, maybe this is the situation here too.

    Too many unanswered questions on this to give an accurate answer
    • Does OP dislike the holidays her partner usually chooses
    • How credible is the idea of taking multiple holidays
    • To what extent will the partner not like the holiday, can compromises be made to tweak the arrangements
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,803 Forumite
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    Go on your own or with a friend who will be interested in the holiday.

    I go to music concerts on my own.
    I don't see the point in us paying for 2 (expensive) tickets and travel to see/listen to someone my OH isn't interested in just so we can do things together.
    I wouldn't want my 'loved one' to do something he doesn't want to. So he doesn't.
  • nightstar12
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    Personally, I would have picked a holiday that both of us liked, because it won't be enjoyable for him otherwise. If you know he's not going to like it then it'll be unfair to take him unless you're going to add activities that he would enjoy. 

    If you can, find someone else who will enjoy the holiday to go with. If it were me I wouldn't have booked it and expect my husband to go with me unless I tried to accommodate him in some way. 
  • Hoveactually
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    When you're in a relationship, sometimes it's difficult to see the wood for the trees. 

    This is what it looks like from the outside: Either you do what he wants for holidays (and maybe other decisions?) or you pay. You are actually paying for his company. Please sit back and think about this. It's important. It's not just about holidays. It's about your worth to him. 
  • Gregs_kl
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    You should pay half each but does he think of you and your interests when booking holidays? or do you always go to somewhere he wants to go and do things he wants to do? If the answer is Yes and he moans about this and refuses to pay half then i would say bye bye im afraid.
  • zagfles
    zagfles Posts: 20,378 Forumite
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    edited 2 August 2023 at 9:14AM
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    As others said, either go alone or find a friend/relative to go with. It seems an odd relationship if you have separate finances yet don't seem to consider doing things separately. I go on holiday without my wife all the time, to places I'm really interested in and she has zero interest in. Equally she does loads of stuff I have no interest in. 
    Just going along with something your partner wants and you have no interest in is a complete waste of time and money. It's healthy to have separate interests. It creates resentment if you're dragged along to stuff you don't want to do just to keep your partner company, particularly if you have to pay for it.
  • Ed264
    Ed264 Posts: 107 Forumite
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    You've not said whether your partner is aware of your choice. It could be that he refuses to go if he really won't like it. I can't suggest how to split the cost, but if you think it's fair that you should pay more, then that's ok. Insisting that he pays 50% might get up his nose, knowing that he won't enjoy himself at all! 
  • sheramber
    sheramber Posts: 19,504 Forumite
    First Anniversary I've been Money Tipped! First Post Name Dropper
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    san8888 said:
    My partner came to India with me and enjoyed it, but doesn’t share my desire to go again. So I’m going with my daughter next year. 
    We both contribute to ideas as to where to go on holiday, pretty evenly, and we each pay half. Even places I wouldn’t have chosen myself (eg Alaska) have turned out to be interesting- travel broadens the mind!
    If your partner usually dictates where you go on holiday, then it’s only fair you should have your choice too. Relationships are about give and take. So what if it happens to be more expensive this time - how much have you spent on the holidays your partner has chosen?
    The OP did not state the partner dictated where to go . He decided. Maybe there was a choice and she let him decide which.

    I inherited some money and decided to use some of it for a holiday.  There were three, vastly different, holidays I  was interested in . I mentioned them to my husband and let him decide which he preferred.

    So, he decided where we went  but did not dictate where we would go.
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