NST June 2023 Flotsam and Jetsam

f0xh0les

Morning all!

Hugs @Thrifty_Taylor - can't even imagine how you are keeping it all together. 

@Toni'sfriend soon you will be able to count the remaining sessions on two hands and one foot!  You are doing brilliantly.

@Starlight_at_Sea - exciting times!

I have just waved DH off on his camping trip. The washer is going round and round on load #1/1000.  I have a lot of towels to get dry quickly before DS3 and 4 remember the outside hose exists. 

Trying to work out if I can pay my car tax from spurious excess money incoming this month.   I do not understand how people can just 'stick it on the credit card', I am so far the other way that I am not sure it is normal. . 

So, went off to Herr Ron this morning, and if anyone is a fan of vi0life dairy free smoked cheese, or is trying to catch a vegan in a trap, I would recommend a trip - 1kg for  the same price  Mr T's sells 200g for. So my fridge is full of that, and my freezer is full of ice lollies.  It's getting hot in here...

The kids can scrub the paddling pool and live their fantasy lives as pond frogs -when they get off their idiot boxes to complain I have turned the sun up too much.  Off to make some ice cubes for the 27p supermarket lemonade, and put another load in General H0tp0int.  Rock n Roll!!!

grandmanerd

I was awake early but pulled on my clothes and went outside to see if I could cut some of the branches I tried yesterday evening (the sun was in my eyes). Lots of bits cut back and some branches (one cut through but twisted in with another and one nearly there but was very thick and awkward + razor wire twined through and around it). So several  hot and sweaty hours later I'm back upstairs resting (the bedroom is quite cool now the sun's on the front of the house).

Their fridge -freezer is defrosting. The freezer door had been left open and then it iced up so much the door could not shut, so it needed doing (but I may have left it turned off when I used the socket for the toaster) so easy food (not the planned easy food) as this will  need eating. I ate some chicken nuggets and have separated a lump of cauliflower and ice for later. There are things in both fridges to throw out. After being ill, I've decided to discard some dregs of sauces that have been opened for a while and will check on a few other things besides - I have unopened jars of most things.

Friday 9th June 2023

Major Causes of stress
Physical - Extreme environmental conditions such as temperature, humidity or noise
Physiological -Physical conditions such as fatigue, lack of sleep, missed meals, illness

Psychological - External
1   Work
Challenging work
Overwhelming workload
Having a high risk job working under dangerous conditions
Long daily commute
2   Life Changes
Joining a new office or school, shifting to a new house, marriage, motherhood etc
3   Relationships
Abusive, unhappy marriage
4   Social Acceptance
Social norms
Discrimination
Appearances

Psychological - External
1   Fear
Fear of public speaking
Fear about disasters
2   Cynicism
How you view a situation
Negative self-talk
Worry
2    Perfectionism
Unrealistic expectations
www.learn2livefully.com)

grandmanerd

Dealing with Illness
1   Chronic Illness
This is what Beanie and I live with (and young Mr Thrifty too?)- multiple medical conditions (physical, mental or a combination - then most long-term physical illness causes depression. My group CBT sessions last year had lots of people dealing with chronic pain). People with chronic illness may not be able to do 'normal' activities, or do them slowly or inconsistently. It's all about learning to  live with your body's limitations and energy levels, recognising 'good' (high- functioning) and 'bad' days ( just getting in the shower might be an achievement) and matching daily activities accordingly, prioritising (eating a meal is important, making it yourself is good, having a beautifully laid table to eat at is less important - unless you are OCD about having the table done properly). Not giving in to negative self-talk (I'm useless) or overwhelmed.

2   Life- Threatening Illness
I don't want to say terminal because the outcomes for many diseases are much more positive than they were. They may involve treatment, therapy, lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, regular checks). There might be some permanent impairment from strokes or heart attacks or a complete recovery. I think this breaks down into several parts
a)   The big scary thing happens
A diagnosis, a lump, your body suddenly not doing what you want it to (to some extent we all take our bodies for granted), an incident that leads to a ride in an ambulance, mysterious symptoms requiring 'tests'. Your mind goes into overdrive, all the worst possible scenarios play through your 'busy brain'. You don't know, big complicated medical words are being thrown around. I think the professionals have got a lot better at explaining things (mum's neurologist was lovely) but you need to try to stop or at least slow the catastrophizing and take one step at a time. It's  okay to be scared, tearful or anything else you feel, be kind to yourself, listen to your body, give it all the help you can but remember you are not your disease/ condition. You are living with it but it is not your whole life.
b)   The long slog
Being in hospital is stressful, having to visit regularly for treatment is stressful, the travelling is stressful and exhausting. Don't be afraid to take short cuts and keep up healthy eating (I used to walk around with an emergency banana), drinking water, sleeping when you need to. If you aren't the patient, regular visiting and support is exhausting,  especially as families tend to be scattered around the country (when my grandma had her first stroke I was 20 and my mother and I would happily trot up and down the Avenue nearly every day, when my father was in hospital I was in my early 30s and it was 2 bus rides each way and pick up food from the SM as I got off the first bus, then straight into work when I got off the second). 
c)   Living with your illness or condition or caring for someone else
Caring for someone is hard even when you want to do it and they are pleasant and grateful (they don't have to be and are frequently curmudgeonly and hostile, denying the need for help and fearing loss of independence). In a way it's like a bereavement - there are a whole range of emotions you might feel (including anger at the person who died, who 'left you'). It's perfectly okay to 'feel' but try to avoid acting on them and lashing out (you are  allowed to, just not all the time).
Changes may be necessary - my 2 uncles gave up smoking after having heart attacks, my father did too (but only for about 3 weeks). Routines, short cuts and thinking ahead will help. My hip operation took place on 13th November 2014, we moved back to this house on the 5th -a Wednesday and on the Saturday I filled the freezer with ready meals, did an additional SM visit, cooked, sliced and froze my festive turkey and in 8 days I unpacked all the boxes and arranged my house and bedroom to work for me.

General
Take responsibility for your health
Mum's partner took many pills and had a lot of professional and caring support. He thought his responsibility ended with taking the pills, his diabetes pill meant he could still have sweets, cakes and ice creams as often as he wanted (they had to enlist the help of the local postmaster who would tell him he could only have one cake, one loaf etc as he had to keep some for all  his other customers). I take pills but I do whatever I can to support my health (not quite there yet with the diet), do daily inspections, apply otc creams and pills (+ a couple of supplements), keep moving (trying to catch up with the snails). If I go to the doctor, I write down what I want to talk about, say what I'm already doing and if there is anything else I should/ should not be doing.
Future Proofing
Try not to leave a huge mess for your children to sort out. keep only what you need and that which makes a positive contribution to your life now (if you no longer have a DVD/Cd player why do you still have the discs). As Clutter Clarity says "they don't want your stuff, get over it".
Please don't have fixed roles. I think (hope) this doesn't apply to most turtles but someone on another thread has had her husband in hospital for many weeks now and he's always paid the bills, the bank won't even talk to her about the accounts and it's added stress she doesn't need. There's nothing wrong with the one who's better with money dealing with it but you both need appropriate access and know how things work. You both need to know how to switch on the WM, cook something (a boiled egg, tuna butty, toast), do simple car stuff (tyre pressure, put petrol in)  We lived on packet soup for a week when my mum had to have an operation as dad couldn't do anything else. I was 6 yo and had to show him where our pyjamas were kept. And when mum hurt her leg when I was in my teens, I followed my dad round the SM returning all the little 'treats' he put in the trolley, back onto the shelves.
Similarly when my mum's cousin's husband died, they had just moved into a large house with stone pillars at the gateway, and her car stayed in the street for weeks as she was terrified of hitting the gateposts.

I hope this is helpful rather than scary or worrying and do feel free to add your own thoughts and contributions

Toni'sfriend

I'm not surprised you're feeling emotional, Thrifty Taylor. Take very good care of yourself and give my very best wishes to Mr TT for a speedy recovery.

Thank you all for cheering me on. Number three ticked off now and I have Saturday and Sunday off for good behaviour. Five next week but no sign of any side effects so far, Fingers crossed.

It is so hot here. Himself has forced me to have a very large, very cold, very bubbly glass of wine. Obviously I wouldn't have thought of it myself.

A relaxing evening is on the cards. xxx

beanielou

Thrifty~~hope the transfer went well.
All positive vibes your way xx

beanielou

Hope you enjoyed the bubbles    xx

apple_muncher

Today I am grateful for dc going in to school late and getting some much-needed extra sleep, for a good liddle shop with a veg box too, for a lovely card from old neighbours, for dh changing the bed, for dc remaining cheerful espite a nasty sprained ankle, for feeling ready for tomorrow's first fair of the weekend (I have two!), for a lovely neighbour lending me their gazebo.

ldee2111

OH and I helped out at DS’s school sports day this morning. Good fun in the sun thankfully.

Sold an old phone on Bookface for £45. Recycle sites were offering £7! That’s us got some cash handy for tomorrow’s school fete and some £s towards bigger clothes for DS. A surprise £14 arrived in our NW today too… apparently cash back from grocery shopping over the past year. I didn’t even know it was a thing. 

Grateful today for being involved in the ‘major event’ of sports day, for OH being such a great cook (lunch and dinner were delish), and for unexpected extra pennies in the pocket. Feeling lucky in life today (why can’t we bottle our good vibes to drink on days we need it?!)

Thrifty_Taylor

@apple_muncher

Thank you for your posts @grandmanerd, great advice, as usual

Woke an hour early today, so decided to get up. Messaged mum to see if she fancies coming home with us tomorrow, after shopping, & having a sleepover. Being in the countryside will be a nice change for her, plus she can assist me in my tent zip replacement!

Did some yoga, caught up with logging my spends in the folder. Think I'm on NSD#4 today.
Took DH's uneaten hospital tea sandwich for my dinner today, had to sniff it first to make sure there was no mayo or salad cream on it 😂 Had a good day at work, my pupil was pleased to see me 😍

Got some tidying done when I got home & put a few things out of the house & into the shed. Used the airfryer for the first time, to cook tea. Watched TV with DS1 whilst eating it. Watered the stuff in the greenhouse after phoning DH, took photos of the finished memory bear, then a friend came to collect my ironing. Too tired to wash the dishes, will do it in the morning. Hooked my rug instead.

Grateful for friends online & close by, feeling more positive, laughter.

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony (toe knee)

What do you call a person with no nose or body? Nobody knows! 😂

grandmanerd

Clarification
It occurred to me that  my Clutter Clarity quote was open to misinterpretation. Clutter Clarity advocates starting to declutter in middle age, starting small but making it into a regular activity (maybe an hour or two a week). This is because, if you wait too long, the decision will be taken out of your hands. If you wait until after the heart attack or other event, then someone else may have to make the decisions on what to keep and what to let go, especially if you are forced to downsize to a more disability friendly house or into some form of care. 'Not leaving a mess for your children' also means that you remain in control of the whole process and make the decisions that suit you.

A couple of examples. I've been planning my new kitchen for about 5 years. I mostly know what I need. The top cupboards are redundant as the arthritis in my shoulders means putting away one plate at a time. I've always loved open shelves and when there is no-one else around to put things back in the wrong places or even not at all, I'll be fine. Recently I've been looking at lighting options (ceilings are 8'9" - 9') and wondering if I still need an oven. But most people avoid changing the kitchen (adapted taps etc) until it's too late and then they can't cope with the upheaval - we can't all be like my neighbours who employ decorators to do the whole house, then go off on a fortnight's holiday whilst it's done.

The lady I've already mentioned, whose husband is in hospital, is, in addition to hospital visiting, housework, voluntary work, worrying about her husband, fighting the bank to get information about their finances - also having to sort through years of accumulated clutter. I think her husband was a borderline hoarder - vast amounts of packaging materials saved for Justin and the amount of paperwork she's shredded is unbelievable, many sack full on the driveway each week (I think the shredder went on strike). Like my mother who, in fear of throwing away something important, kept mountains of useless trivia, with no particular order to it.

Everyday
The past two days have been productive, especially pleasing as I wasn't particularly fit and didn't know what, if anything, I'd be able to do. A few more branches have been dealt with in various ways I'm going to try tying bits of old washing line onto some of the 'just out of reach' ones and tie half bricks on to start weighing them down. I probably can reach them but don't want to risk toppling forward whilst doing it. I've been using a brush to hook some of them (including one that was cut but still tangled up in the razor wire and the fork of an adjacent branch). Where possible I've been holding onto something with my free hand but prefer to  lean against a wall or over a bin - so I don't have to think about holding myself upright at the same time as cutting/ looking up.

I ate my breakfast yoghurt between 3 am and 4 am so had to come downstairs early in search of toast. I then had to rush (best fast hobble) back to the bathroom so brought another two bags down with me (I passed DS3 on his way to bed). I was hoping to get out early to tackle a few more branches and do a quick visit to W's to buy the bits I can't get online but still wobbly so I'm staying on the couch, going to drink some soup to warm my stomach up (the rest of me is overheating) and then see what I feel up to doing.

Grateful for:
Father Brown (the original with Alec Guiness - I was hoping for Cyril Cusack but Obi Wan will do)
An unusual but enjoyable book just finished and the current one in a series that I've been haphazardly borrowing from the library (I.m on the last of my large print ones now so ought to get to the library if at all possible). Large print books in general
Accidentally accessing a new to me bit of tech - though I'm on a kind dull cloud so I don't know if it's actually on my computer.
New books out / due anytime from my favourite authors.