Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay for a full funeral just because one of my children wants me to?

MSE_Kelvin MSE Staff Posts: 308
Sixth Anniversary 10 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
MSE Staff
edited 9 May at 2:19PM in Deaths, funerals & probate
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm planning for the future and have been looking to buy a non-attended cremation for when I die, as post-life events don't hold any particular significance for me. I have three grown-up children, and two of them are fine with it, but the third gets very upset at the idea of not having a traditional funeral to say goodbye to me. Should I pay for the funeral to make them feel better, or stick with my original plan?

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  • Keep_pedalling
    Keep_pedalling Forumite Posts: 14,809
    Eighth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Any instructions you leave regarding your funeral are just wishes and not enforceable so your children can make any arrangements they like, but there is nothing they can do to get you to pay for in advance.
  • gran3
    gran3 Forumite Posts: 237
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Name Dropper
    If one is that bothered ask them if they want to pay the difference. Increasingly this will become the norm. Not the paying, the non-funeral.
  • bradavon
    bradavon Forumite Posts: 46
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Funerals aren't about you. They're about your close family.

    Their opinion matters more than theirs, you won't be here anyway.
  • Ron246235
    Ron246235 Forumite Posts: 7
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    If it is all the same to you but the idea of no funeral makes your third child upset, then I would say the sensible thing is to have a funeral. And if you don't mind paying for it, or you like the idea of the expense being dealt with in advance, then it would be sensible for you to pay for it.

    I don't agree with Malthusian and annabanana82. Who a funeral is "for" or "about" depends on your religious views. In Christianity it is for the deceased person. For people with no religion, perhaps you could say it is for the living but about the deceased. Either way, it is easy to understand any child's wish that their parent should have a funeral. 
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