Help, I think my mum is being scammed

RAS

On a practical note, has her husband severed the tenancy to protect his half of the equity? It does not need her consent. And registered an alert at the Land Registry.

Pollycat

gettingtheresometime said:

Pollycat said:

heidiprincess13 said:

She has a farce book message to start with then moved her on to Google chat. 

She is just lonely but has a great group of friends. She is going to speak to her closest friend later today as they had warned her. She feels awful for lying. But I have draw a line and if anyone ever asks for money, vouchers etc she is to call me.

I can’t thank you all enough for your comments 

Why is she lonely if she has friends?
Are her days empty?
Perhaps she could look into starting a course at a school. Possibly IT for beginners or something similar. Or even going to tea dances or join a local ramblers group.
Or maybe volunteer in a charity shop.

She needs a big hug and a bunch of flowers.
Well done to you for stepping in and sorting it out.

Oh Polly I'm not sure of your circumstances but you sound as if you have no idea.

Hubby died 18 months ago and whilst I will miss him every day for the rest of my life, and whilst I have friends I can call on & do things with, I am so lonely it hurts, probably more now than losing my hubby.

I miss being someone's person, I miss someone being just at the other end of the sofa or upstairs. I miss coming home & telling him that he was right that film, play whatever was awful. I miss coming home, shouting I'm home and there being a response rather than deafening silence.

Thats why the OP's mum is probably lonely.

I guess I don't. 
Just trying to help the OP's Mum. ☹️

gettingtheresometime

Pollycat said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Pollycat said:

heidiprincess13 said:

She has a farce book message to start with then moved her on to Google chat. 

She is just lonely but has a great group of friends. She is going to speak to her closest friend later today as they had warned her. She feels awful for lying. But I have draw a line and if anyone ever asks for money, vouchers etc she is to call me.

I can’t thank you all enough for your comments 

Why is she lonely if she has friends?
Are her days empty?
Perhaps she could look into starting a course at a school. Possibly IT for beginners or something similar. Or even going to tea dances or join a local ramblers group.
Or maybe volunteer in a charity shop.

She needs a big hug and a bunch of flowers.
Well done to you for stepping in and sorting it out.

Oh Polly I'm not sure of your circumstances but you sound as if you have no idea.

Hubby died 18 months ago and whilst I will miss him every day for the rest of my life, and whilst I have friends I can call on & do things with, I am so lonely it hurts, probably more now than losing my hubby.

I miss being someone's person, I miss someone being just at the other end of the sofa or upstairs. I miss coming home & telling him that he was right that film, play whatever was awful. I miss coming home, shouting I'm home and there being a response rather than deafening silence.

Thats why the OP's mum is probably lonely.

I guess I don't. 
Just trying to help the OP's Mum. ☹️

I know but I get so frustrated when people (aka mum & sister) think that the solution to the loneliness is getting out there and doing things. 

It's doing the mundane things on your own that's the kicker.

Longwalker

OP, I am so so sad to read this is what has happened 

To your mum, and your family 

Having to cope with the thought that mum has been conned has got to be hard on you all. Dont be blaming yourselves, these people know what they are doing, they know how to make that person at the end of the line so needy of them, that they are more then happy to send , send, send

Its called grooming , it happens to people from all walks of life and all ages

Dont be hard on mum and also dont be hard on yourselves 

I dont know if age concern or action fraud can advise on where to go for help in teaching you all how to spot the signs . I guess you probably do have a good idea, but Im just suggesting its not mum being singled out. She must be totally devastated 

I too have an elderly mother and I do have to keep a wee eye on her as well. Luckily shes a miserable cow so chatting to strangers isnt on the cards, but I found out she was online gambling. Online scratch cards and spending way too much on lotto tickets. Not enough thats going to leave her destitute but I did have to have a little chat - not something anyone wants to do with a parent

The very best of luck moving forward with it all xx

Lavendyr

I am so sad to read this OP. 

Could it be worth trying the "papers"? Guardian Money, etc, often take up these cases and result in a refund. 

Sapindus

gettingtheresometime said:

Pollycat said:

gettingtheresometime said:

Pollycat said:

heidiprincess13 said:

She has a farce book message to start with then moved her on to Google chat. 

She is just lonely but has a great group of friends. She is going to speak to her closest friend later today as they had warned her. She feels awful for lying. But I have draw a line and if anyone ever asks for money, vouchers etc she is to call me.

I can’t thank you all enough for your comments 

Why is she lonely if she has friends?
Are her days empty?
Perhaps she could look into starting a course at a school. Possibly IT for beginners or something similar. Or even going to tea dances or join a local ramblers group.
Or maybe volunteer in a charity shop.

She needs a big hug and a bunch of flowers.
Well done to you for stepping in and sorting it out.

Oh Polly I'm not sure of your circumstances but you sound as if you have no idea.

Hubby died 18 months ago and whilst I will miss him every day for the rest of my life, and whilst I have friends I can call on & do things with, I am so lonely it hurts, probably more now than losing my hubby.

I miss being someone's person, I miss someone being just at the other end of the sofa or upstairs. I miss coming home & telling him that he was right that film, play whatever was awful. I miss coming home, shouting I'm home and there being a response rather than deafening silence.

Thats why the OP's mum is probably lonely.

I guess I don't. 
Just trying to help the OP's Mum. ☹️

I know but I get so frustrated when people (aka mum & sister) think that the solution to the loneliness is getting out there and doing things. 

It's doing the mundane things on your own that's the kicker.

It's having someone you can be a nuisance to.  You can go out and join a group and make friends, even good friends, but there always comes a point where there is a  boundary you have to stop at, and they almost always have someone else they need to prioritise and go home to.  You only transcend that boundary with a life partner, a family member or a best friend.  

Malthusian

@Taylor7979: I'm not sure you can do a lot else other than try to keep your distance and avoid burning bridges with your mother, because she will need people around her when her fake reality comes crashing down. This might be sooner rather than later given she is trying to force the sale of a property she part-owns.
I suspect she is low priority with the mental health team as there is no immediate danger to life and limb. (Unless something horrible happens when she gets off the plane. But while 401 scam victims have been kidnapped in the past, that happened in Africa, not the USA.) They will have more urgent cases on their plate than somebody losing all their money. I realise that's no comfort to you. I'm just saying why I wouldn't expect them to ride to her rescue. 
Unfortunately it is more common than you might think for someone who has had their finances turned upside down by divorce to grasp for a magic solution. You mention she thinks she is "getting her money back and then some" which means this is a get-rich-quick scam on top of a romance one. Once you are hooked it is easier to carry on going than to admit you have been a fool. In for a penny, in for a pound. If you are wrong she is going to be rich and live happily ever after. If she is wrong she is already
ruined financially and socially. Which would you prefer to believe? 
[Note: the next section relates to the original OP's mother, not Taylor7979's]

Lavendyr said:

Could it be worth trying the "papers"? Guardian Money, etc, often take up these cases and result in a refund. 

Unfortunately, because the mother bought vouchers to send to the scammer (a common trick to avoid the banks blocking payment) and the banks had no reason to stop her, I don't think this is at all likely to result in a refund.
It feels dirty to defend the banks but if I dated a woman I met in a bar, gave her £4,000 from my bank account and she ran off with it, I would not expect the bank to refund me. Being a few decades older does not necessarily change that, and nor does being catfished online. 
There is an argument that the OP's mum has nothing to lose, but firing off emails to the papers and waiting weeks and months for a response (which is unlikely to ever arrive) would risk re-opening the wound. I would not do it unless Mum/I were absolutely desperate for the money. 

diystarter7

gettingtheresometime said:

Pollycat said:

heidiprincess13 said:

She has a farce book message to start with then moved her on to Google chat. 

She is just lonely but has a great group of friends. She is going to speak to her closest friend later today as they had warned her. She feels awful for lying. But I have draw a line and if anyone ever asks for money, vouchers etc she is to call me.

I can’t thank you all enough for your comments 

Why is she lonely if she has friends?
Are her days empty?
Perhaps she could look into starting a course at a school. Possibly IT for beginners or something similar. Or even going to tea dances or join a local ramblers group.
Or maybe volunteer in a charity shop.

She needs a big hug and a bunch of flowers.
Well done to you for stepping in and sorting it out.

Oh Polly I'm not sure of your circumstances but you sound as if you have no idea.

Hubby died 18 months ago and whilst I will miss him every day for the rest of my life, and whilst I have friends I can call on & do things with, I am so lonely it hurts, probably more now than losing my hubby.

I miss being someone's person, I miss someone being just at the other end of the sofa or upstairs. I miss coming home & telling him that he was right that film, play whatever was awful. I miss coming home, shouting I'm home and there being a response rather than deafening silence.

Thats why the OP's mum is probably lonely.

Hello

What dad said and felt but could not tell us as he was "too embarrassed" and I get it. We found out via his best friend as we all wrongly felt it was too early for dad to remarry. 

Sadly, too many people have no idea just like you and its only until they hear something like this, they may get a better idea of what it feels like to be alone, alone day and night and no one to talk to for days, if not weeks at times and not having your rock there as I see it

The partnership between two people is not always rosy, but a partnership it is and where most can share their true inner feelings about almost anyone and everyone, a shoulder to cry on, feel comfortable/safe, be happy, knowing you have someone that is not only your OH but best friend and someone to boucne ideas off share concerns often without fear of having these shared with others etc.

Being "lonely" especially when you have had someone there for donkey's years and you are getting on is an awful thing that is made easier by having loving family and friends around you but never the same as your other half. Sadly, I've seen this too often and aften older men, when their wife/partners pass away, many lose the will to live.



Thnak you for sharing your thoughts