Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask the bride & groom to help with the cost of attending the wedding?

in Weddings & anniversaries
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This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My wife agreed to be her friend's maid of honour, but the bride has since divulged that the wedding will be in Cyprus. It will cost more than £2,000 to attend, and mutual friends have declined invites because of this, so we won't know anyone else there. Given the bride was my wife's maid of honour, and we got married locally and paid for as much as we could at the time, should we ask the bride and groom to make a contribution towards our costs?

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  • LunaLaterLunaLater Forumite
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    What you can do is say that you are going to struggle,to afford it, or maybe have only your wife travel.
  • powerful_Roguepowerful_Rogue Forumite
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    As above, Just tell them you can't afford it so sadly won't be able to attend.

  • edited 14 March at 6:12PM
    elsienelsien Forumite
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    edited 14 March at 6:12PM
    The bride and groom must know that having a wedding abroad is not going to be affordable for some of their friends and family. So if they choose to go ahead, they shouldn't be surprised if people say no.

    I don't think she should ask for a contribution, but if your wife does want to go (it's not clear whether this is an affordability issue, a "don't want to go because she won't know anyone issue" or a bit of both) she needs to be honest with her friend about the difficulty. 

    Also  your wife is the main invitee and not you - if your wife wants you to go along for company then that's her decision and not that of the bride and groom. 

     The bride may offer to cover some of your wife's costs without being asked if affordability is a genuine factor. But as the plus one who doesn't need to be there,  yours are down to you. 
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Merlin139Merlin139 Forumite
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    Also as above, point out that while it would be great to attend and for your wife to carryout the role of maid of honour.

    Its not something that you feel you can go into debt to do.
    3.975 kWp PV SolarEdge System Facing 200 Degrees 10% Shading Installed 21 May 2014 Located in Mid East Yorkshire.
  • Obird63Obird63 Forumite
    5 Posts
    First Post
    It's all been said already - you've just got to be honest and say so if you can't afford it. Personally with the economic situation as it is, I think it's completely unreasonable for someone to expect a friend to shell out £2000 to go to their wedding unless their financial situation is such that it would make no difference... 
  • JennyC89JennyC89 Forumite
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    No. You shouldn’t do that. Ever. 
  • Ed264Ed264 Forumite
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    The bride should have told your wife from the outset that the wedding was to be in Cyprus. As it seems you will struggle to find this sort of money, I would be straight-up and inform them that you're unable to attend.   
  • edited 14 March at 9:12PM
    REJPREJP Forumite
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    edited 14 March at 9:12PM
    As with many other answers, "No, if you can't afford it, don't go". Also your friend will be paying a large amount of money for her Cyprus wedding, it is unlikely she can afford to pay for someone to be her Maid of Honour.  As for asking the bride and groom to contribute towards the costs of your UK wedding, why should they?
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