Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask the bride & groom to help with the cost of attending the wedding?

Pollycat

Susanq said:

My brother son got married in Italy which was June and we booked to go but then covid struck so the wedding got cancelled to the following year for July. 

I live abroad and the costs was around £3500 for us both to go for 4 days.!! 

Flights, hotel etc (july the most expensive time )
we either had to fly back to Uk, then another flight to Italy, or 3 flights from where we live and 16 hours flight time.
 I have lots of animals and because it was july I couldn’t get anyone to look after them also one was very sick
so we said we couldn’t attend the wedding . 
To cut the story short, my nephew who was getting married but fine about us not going, but  my brother and sis in law went ballistic.
you would have thought it was there wedding. The wedding is over and done with last year but my brother and sis in law haven’t spoke to us for over a year now
Thats fine by us , sod them 
Also when my brothers daughter got married abroad, he didn’t go !! 

She didn’t go to this wedding, but they still speak to her.
Now what does everyone think of that
do you think I am wrong ? 

They even said to attend/travel on my own and leave my husband at home 
 So he could look after the pets.
my sis in law don’t even go to sainsburys on her own and waits for my brother to take her 🤣🤣the cheek of it.
We gave them a good sum of money as a wedding present as we couldn’t go.

So it's perfectly ok for your brother not to go to his own daughter's wedding but unacceptable for you not to go to his son's wedding?
So it's perfectly ok for your brother's daughter not to go to her own brother's wedding but unacceptable for you not to go to his son's wedding?
I think he needs a reality check.
And needs to understand that an invitation is just that. It can be declined.

Personally, with someone as unreasonable as that, I'd prefer for him to never speak to me again.

It doesn't matter to me where anyone wants to get married.
As long as they don't expect me to accept the invitation.

Susanq

Thank you, well said

pickledonionspaceraider

I would refuse to go, it seems absolutely self obsessed to expect people to spend 2k to attend your wedding

Spendless

Can I say that I find that marrying abroad AND asking various guests (beyond very immediate family) to attend is a bit odd, and I married abroad in the late 90s.

It wasn't our original plan, but when a tragedy happened, we now longer wanted the original wedding for personal reasons.  We were already going on hol with my parents and sister and her husband, so decided to add a wedding package. We asked my husband's parents  before booking it, and though they said at the time they were fine with this, later after it was all  booked  and paid for it became an issue to one, who should have spoken up at the time we talked to them! My Grandmother was the only other person asked (by my Mum) about coming along just for a few days but ultimately she was unable to leave my invalid Grandad (she tried respite for the 1st time in advance before making a decision but she wasn't comfortable with it - fair enough). DH did end up on the day having some family there as his Aunt and Uncle who live in a neighbouring country to where we wed, flew in on the day as a surprise.

On our return home we had a blessing and a party for all those back home. If you wish to marry abroad (and I quite see the attraction) then ask both sets of parents about how they feel about it and whether they wish to/can afford to come (and ask them to be truthful!) and possibly any siblings and that's it. Don't ask extended family members, attendants etc, to spend £1000s travelling to your wedding. Either go alone/with immediate family or have a smaller wedding at home, there's loads more choices than years ago when it was either a Church or Registry office.  

Pollycat

Spendless said:

Don't ask extended family members, attendants etc, to spend £1000s travelling to your wedding. Either go alone/with immediate family or have a smaller wedding at home, there's loads more choices than years ago when it was either a Church or Registry office.  

This is even worse in that the bride to be asked her friend to be matron of honour and then later said the wedding would be in Cyprus!

I wouldn't have made a MMD out of this, asking if the bride & groom should contribute to the cost.
I'd have retracted my acceptance.

I don't mind where people choose to get married.
If it doesn't suit us (time of year, location etc), we'd decline the invitation.

hildasmuriel

Pollycat said:

I don't mind where people choose to get married.
If it doesn't suit us (time of year, location etc), we'd decline the invitation.

This.  It's an invitation, not a summons to Grand Jury. People need to get over the idea that their wedding is at the top of everybody's priorities, IMO

GoldenLibra

Share the costs 50-50:  Bride and groom pay for maid of honour while maid of honour and husband pay for  husband 

elsien

@GoldenLibra this is the third time you've managed to find and bring an old thread back to life. The first post on this thread was March 23 and the last post on here was August 2023 -the  OP is long gone.  
Sometimes an older thread is resurrected by people wanting an update (for example) but generally it's a mistake by people who don't realise that the discussion ended a long time ago.  I'm not sure how you are searching but it would be helpful if you checked the dates.

GoldenLibra

elsien said:

@GoldenLibra this is the third time you've managed to find and bring an old thread back to life. The first post on this thread was March 23 and the last post on here was August 2023 -the  OP is long gone.  
Sometimes an older thread is resurrected by people wanting an update (for example) but generally it's a mistake by people who don't realise that the discussion ended a long time ago.  I'm not sure how you are searching but it would be helpful if you checked the dates.

I have only recently become a member and the posts over the last year, which I am now seeing for the first time, make for some interesting reading - interesting enough to wish to add a comment   

Pollycat

On a lot of public websites, necroposting is seen as bad form because it can waste people's time replying to an old thread when the original question is out of date or the OP hasn't come back to the thread.