Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask the bride & groom to help with the cost of attending the wedding?

Gosportmum

Agree.
Be up front and say you can't afford it. 

Groom

As everyone has said - tell the couple that you are sorry but you didn't realise that the wedding was going to be abroad and that you can't afford it in time or money, as it will mean taking time off work rather than just a couple of days. The other alternative, if you were thinking about going on holiday this year, is to book a holiday there and incorporate the two. Don't leave it until the last minute, do it now to give the couple time to get a new bridesmaid. 

fay68

It’s a difficult situation to be out in. The fact you are asking the question shows that you will struggle to finance this event and really the bride shouldn’t have put your wife in that situation. The response needs to be I was honoured to be asked to be your maid of honour but I cannot afford to spend that money on the travel required. 

Flipflop13

It really annoys me when the future bride and groom do this, just assume everyone will be willing to spend thousands on their wedding/honeymoon. If they booked it and said they were going regardless of family/friends and will have a party when they get back but to make wedding party arrangements then divulge the location isn’t on. Not everyone has thousands in savings ready to fritter on a holiday that someone else has chosen. I also think it quite awkward after the wedding that everyone is on their honeymoon with them. Do they not like time alone as newlyweds??

The same happened to me but everyone else was in couples and could afford it but I was single and just bought my first house so it was going to be £1500 (this was 10 years ago so seemed even more aged 25). I was the only one not to go and felt quite embarrassed by it. Our friendship hasn’t been the same since. All you can do is be honest as early as possible to get it out the way so the bride doesn’t get carried away with plans 

diystarter7

Hi

A simple case of being open and honest.

If you can't afford it, don't ask for help in these circumstances

just say, I'd love to be there but feeling awful as I can't afford the costs
of going there. Then see what their reaction/offer is and if no offer of help, it is a definite no.

Too many people get themselves into financial trouble over stuff like this.

When we worked a niece of mine decided to get married in Barbados. 
We could afford it but I was open and honest no messing, thanked them for the invite etc, we will missi the wedding but
only have limited holidays and it was not worth going all that way for at least a week -  my siblign understood and when they returned, they threw a party for everyone.

IMO, only an unreasonable person will not understand or not pay for the flight/hotel.

More recently, from Mrs Diy's side - a wedding in Spain, we were offered flights/hotel by BiL ie me and our kids and family, but 
as it was during school term etc we look after our grandkids a few days a week and I hate flying we said thanks but no - they were ticked off as were we as they could have easily had the wedding in se England or England for that matter. - 

So, OP, simple sorry, love to go but cant afford.

Thnaks

WolverineSW11

Ask the bride politely if she would rather have a low key event where there are lots of her friends and family there, or whether she would prefer a high cost do with just a few of her friends & family there.
Then let her know that you are not in a financial position to be her maid of honour abroad.

honestcove

Why are you asking this question and not your wife?
Is the event important to your wife but not for you perhaps.
If important to your wife and not going would be a big disappointment for her, what is it worth to you to try and avoid that disappointment.
Treat the £2k not only as a holiday but also an investment / gift to your life partnership maybe - quite cheap when you look at it that way.

John_Philip_Howarth

Pretty selfish for a couple to expect guests to spend a lot of money to attend their wedding 

gothvixen

REJP said:

As with many other answers, "No, if you can't afford it, don't go". Also your friend will be paying a large amount of money for her Cyprus wedding, it is unlikely she can afford to pay for someone to be her Maid of Honour.  As for asking the bride and groom to contribute towards the costs of your UK wedding, why should they?

They aren't considering asking for help with costs for their UK wedding. He means ask for a contribution to the costs of going to Cyprus, which would still be tacky. You simply explain that you can't afford it. If the bride has the money available, and wants her friend there as MoH, she might posibly offer, but you don't ask.

ginger_chocolate

Groom said:

As everyone has said - tell the couple that you are sorry but you didn't realise that the wedding was going to be abroad and that you can't afford it in time or money, as it will mean taking time off work rather than just a couple of days. The other alternative, if you were thinking about going on holiday this year, is to book a holiday there and incorporate the two. Don't leave it until the last minute, do it now to give the couple time to get a new bridesmaid. 

^^ This. This is a perfect answer. Do this.. ^^