Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask the bride & groom to help with the cost of attending the wedding?

patny · 15 March 2023 at 3:46PM

When the bride told you the wedding was to be in Cyprus everything changed.Already your friends have refused their invitations so you will no longer know anybody there except for the wedding couple.£2000 is not peanuts and the bride should know people might not want to or be able to afford this money.Does your wife still want to be matron of honour?Maybe she feels her friend has not acted in a friendly fashion by not revealing the true facts at the time of asking and nobody will feel she is wrong if she now gives backword.I can't think she will want to go without you and you should discuss this and the act in the way you both feel is right.The bride can always get someone else and maybe she will learn from this to be more upfront in future.

louisajoyce · 15 March 2023 at 5:17PM

No, just let them know you can no longer go...

DuchessM · 15 March 2023 at 5:25PM

The point of a wedding is to declare a lifelong commitment to your partner, in front of all your families and friends. By having an expensive wedding abroad, the couple are either limiting the numbers, or asking people to spend a great deal of money they might want for other things. They could have a small wedding in Cyprus, then a large party for everyone back in the UK. Honesty is needed - if you can't afford it, say so.

LunaLater · 15 March 2023 at 5:44PM

I do like the suggestion above to combine it with your holiday.

Our friends got married in Mauritius, with the events over a few days, and quite a few of us made the trip, and stayed for over a week. It was absolutely wonderful, but a lot of that was because the groom’s family are from there, and so we got to be immersed in their culture.

LunaLater · 15 March 2023 at 5:46PM

DuchessM said:

The point of a wedding is to declare a lifelong commitment to your partner, in front of all your families and friends. By having an expensive wedding abroad, the couple are either limiting the numbers, or asking people to spend a great deal of money they might want for other things. They could have a small wedding in Cyprus, then a large party for everyone back in the UK. Honesty is needed - if you can't afford it, say so.

Well, not really. It’s a change in how the state views your legal relationship. You can make a lifelong commitment without marrying, and you can do as we did, which is to get married with only the two of us and two witnesses.

Pollycat · 15 March 2023 at 6:28PM

LunaLater said:

I do like the suggestion above to combine it with your holiday.

Maybe the author of the MMD doesn't want to go to Cyprus (it wouldn't be my first choice for a holiday).
If we're going on holiday it would be to where we want to go and when we want to go.

LunaLater said:

Our friends got married in Mauritius, with the events over a few days, and quite a few of us made the trip, and stayed for over a week. It was absolutely wonderful, but a lot of that was because the groom’s family are from there, and so we got to be immersed in their culture.

I think that's slightly different from this MMD.

I can understand why someone would want to be married in the country you are from.
But that's probably not the case for this MMD.
And you probably knew up-front that the wedding would be in Mauritius.
This seems to have been sprung on the author of the MMD.

Murphy14 · 15 March 2023 at 9:08PM

No,you should not ask for financial help. Just don't go as it's so expensive in this financial state at present. My step son had his wedding abroad and he paid for our flight via a budget airline but we paid for 3 nights in an expensive hotel (my husbands choice). Never again!. All in all the 3 days cost us an awful amount of money.

primrose_penguin · 15 March 2023 at 11:20PM

I agree with others, I would not ask for a contribution, just explain with the cost of living as it is and as they have now decided to marry in Cyprus you will have to decline the invitation as it is unaffordable. I can't see them having many guests!! Perhaps they could have a blessing with a small reception in the UK at a later date and you wife could be maid of honour at that.

ellenvan · 15 March 2023 at 11:46PM

The cost sounds expensive - maybe you could find somewhere cheaper to stay. Only really have to be near where the wedding is for the night , budget flights take minimal luggage , should be dobable for less.

BethP · 16 March 2023 at 10:59AM

No, of course you should not ask the bride / groom to contribute towards your expenses! That would be very rude. If you want to attend the wedding, then do so. If you cannot afford to travel then tell the bridal couple as soon as possible. They’ll expect some guests to drop out due to cost of getting to Cyprus.