Money Moral Dilemma: Should we ask the bride & groom to help with the cost of attending the wedding?

kajsa

No, just be honest and say it's going to cost too much. It's not just about actually being able to afford it, it's also about whether or not you want to spend that amount of money on someone else's wedding.
I find that trend here in the UK insane, getting married abroad in a place neither of you have a family connection to and/or the stag/hen do abroad. Expecting people to be fine with spending a fortune because you decided to get married.
A friend of mine asked me if, when she decides to get married, would I go on her hen do if it was in Las Vegas. I said absolutely not. 😄 That's a lot of money for me, and even if I could afford it I wouldn't spend that amount travelling that far to a place I would never have chosen to go.

Shebear

I agree with nearly everyone else. You can hardly ask for them to pay but then they can hardly ask you to pay £2000 to attend their wedding. That is ridiculous. I think I would just say I was looking forward to being your maid of honour but I am sorry to say I cannot afford it so will have to decline after all. And I would do it straight away so as to give them time to find someone else. Things have got so out of hand lately that whereas when I got married (in the 80s) it was normal to just have a drink with some girlfriends as a hen night, now it has to be some amazing weekend trip abroad, and again, children's parties were just games and jelly etc, now it has to be some elaborate thing with expensive party bag treats etc. The world has gone mad.....Don't play!

Bigfra46

you have to be honest and say that you would love to come but 2 grand is way too much money and you cant afford it. Not many people working or on benefits can afford that today due to cost of living rises. But I wouldn't ask them for help. I'd be too embarrassed. If they have plenty of money and are half decent and offer to help then that's a different story!

jg119980

I believe as your wife is clearly close to the bride they should do something which allows them to celebrate together which both are happy with but it’s not yours or your wife’s right to ask for money towards your travel. Unlike another responder, don’t let this drive a wedge between the two, it’s unfortunate if it appears only you are the ones who can’t travel but will be ample opportunity to do stuff together in the future. They respected you having your wedding in the UK, you need to respect them having their wedding abroad.

Bonnypitlad

I would discuss with my wife what we should do

Itsarz2

What is happening these days? Just WHY do people think it’s OK to ask your “friends” to spend a fortune just to attend a wedding? They are not friends, they are just self-centred and self-serving pains. NO, don’t ask them to pay, just DON’T GO!

ripongrammargirl

I would be asking why they feel the need to marry abroad? What is wrong with their home country, especially in this day and age with costs of everything Sky high and the potential of becoming ill abroad-food poisoning, sickness, colds, Covid, mosquito bites…… etc!
Will they then produce a ridiculous list of very expensive gifts that they expect as well?
Have they already set up home together or does this have to be factored in too? The money they will save by abolishing this mad idea will pay their utility bill for a month!!!
Extremely selfish really as how many of the friends and family have they now excluded due to costs? 

Plus they will have to pay again when back home to get the marriage legalised as it doesn’t count just marrying abroad. We discovered that in 2006 when we were going to Australia for our honeymoon and, stupidly and selfishly, thought we would get married there too to cut costs- but then realised nobody would be there (age, sickness, can’t fly, can’t afford it etc) so we are glad we changed our minds and got wed here.
The bride should have given all this information before asking people to take part etc as that is ridiculous. 

Never get yourself into debt for anyone, especially something like this- without putting a hex on it, how would you feel to still be repaying this debt long after the divorce??!!
Politely decline, like everyone else, and tell them they will be really sad if they do this and don’t have family and friends around for their big day.
Just crazy.

keithyno.1

Yes, ask the bride and groom to pay at least half of your cost. It's ridiculous to get married and expect guests to fork out £2,000 for the 'privilege' of attending the wedding.

If they're well off enough to afford this foreign junket then they should chip in towards the cost they're lumping on to other people who, it would appear, they have an expectation of being there.

clarryd

I got married in Cyprus 13 years ago but we didn’t invite anyone to come with us as we thought it was an unnecessary costs for everyone. I’m sure your friends will understand that you would struggle to find the £2000.
Maybe if you could afford it make this your annual holiday and then you would find this expense acceptable and after the wedding enjoy your holiday.
Just get your wife to be honest to the friends they will understand and if they don’t then they are not true friends.

CapeTown

It always annoys me when couples do this. However having just come back from Cyprus myself, I fail to see how the costs could be so expensive unless you are staying in the wedding hotel. Flights to Cyprus cost buttons. I had car hire for a week which was £50.  You can stay in an airbnb very cheaply if you are away from the main tourist areas.  I agree that the bride is being very selfish and you should not have to fork out the money