Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep splitting restaurant bills with friends that have kids?

Lunabuna3

I don’t feel you should have to point out to your friends as a true friend would not expect you to pay for their children unless you offered to take them out for dinner. I have the same issue when I go out with some couples you shouldn’t be paying for a partner, if as a solo you are out with a couple the bill should be split three ways. Given the cost of living now you could politely say you will pay for your own food and drink as you are trying to cutback hopefully they will get the message. 

Blundells

Just from the other end of the debate- We have a handicapped son and when younger my friends always made sure that his mela and soft rink was split between us all (usually 11 persons, including our son) so they would work out the bill between 5 couples and thus include my sons meal in the division. These are true friends! Equally it got to a situation where our son was (as someone mentioned) was eating as much as an adult (14/15 years) I and my wife decided to politely refuse the groups generosity going forward, and we have paid for our son since, and the group is still together and happy to socialise  together on a regular basis... Our son is now 34!
So if your friends are true friends they should be telling you they'll pay for their children. If not they shouldn't take the hump if you mention it instead! If they do take offence, well, do you really want them as friends?
Good Luck

TELLIT01

I would certainly raise the question.  It's different when out with very small children where as often as not the parents bring food with them.  For older children the meals are often not much cheaper than adult meals.  The other potential problem with bill splitting, even without children, is a couple who always order expensive items and/or drink more than others.  They are always being subsidised.  We had a couple of friends who, when out in a group, would order expensive items if it had been agreed that the bill would be split but order cheap if separate bills were being produced.  It became so obvious that everybody noticed, so separate bills were always requested if they were there, but the bill simply split if they weren't.

rosyherb

We had this, the sister would buy the children's meals for her 2, as they didn't have a lot of money & always order cheaply for the adults & didn't expect us to pay so we didn't mind going 50/50.
Brother would order the most expensive things on the menu for themselves & have several courses, they would also order expensive steaks for 5 & 7 yr olds, we ordered what we fancied, rarely had more than a main, they would then ask the bill 50/50 we said no, they had ordered 4 adult meals to our 2, that we would only pay for ourselves. They had as much if not more money coming in as we did. We felt we were being taken advantage of. 

Chris_Jay

Ringo90. You don't say where in Europe you're from; I can only go by my times in France, when there's always been a carafe of water, and glasses, provided free of charge, and refills on request. Never on the bill.
If a restaurant can offer children's portions, it's only a matter of wording to offer small or "lite" - *shudders* meals.
If I have a burger, it's always without the bun, as I can't digest it; my eldest two children are shocked and horrified when I ask for it like that, but they're the ones who leave their buns so that they can finish the burgers. Then they'll say it doesn't matter, the kitchens just bin them. I'm disappointed with that reaction, when so many people are going hungry and the food prices are rising. Before you say that it's I brought them up, they're both in their late forties and left home with good food ethics. Then they married, to spouses with more money than sense...

I wouldn't have explained the gastric band thing, if it were me, just (maybe) that I had no appetite.
I also wouldn't have put this moral issue, if it is, out to tender.

I do see the problem, as you say, but I don't need the sarcasm.

crmism

It is most unfair that those with children should expect others to pay for them. Everyone should pay only for what they eat and drink.

nicktee55

Of course not!
However, I cannot be doing with sorting out who had what and adding it all up. Divide the bill by the number of people. Then each party, whether they be 2,3,4 or whatever just pay the multiple of their number.

Ringo90

Chris_Jay said:

Ringo90. You don't say where in Europe you're from; I can only go by my times in France, when there's always been a carafe of water, and glasses, provided free of charge, and refills on request. Never on the bill.
If a restaurant can offer children's portions, it's only a matter of wording to offer small or "lite" - *shudders* meals.
If I have a burger, it's always without the bun, as I can't digest it; my eldest two children are shocked and horrified when I ask for it like that, but they're the ones who leave their buns so that they can finish the burgers. Then they'll say it doesn't matter, the kitchens just bin them. I'm disappointed with that reaction, when so many people are going hungry and the food prices are rising. Before you say that it's I brought them up, they're both in their late forties and left home with good food ethics. Then they married, to spouses with more money than sense...

I wouldn't have explained the gastric band thing, if it were me, just (maybe) that I had no appetite.
I also wouldn't have put this moral issue, if it is, out to tender.

I do see the problem, as you say, but I don't need the sarcasm.

You didn't say where in Europe either, in your previous post, you just said "as they do in Europe" assuming in the whole Europe they do this, and I just told you, no they don't. Maybe in France, yes. There are countries (like UK) where you can't refuse serving free tap water, other countries on the countrary don't have permission to serve tap water by law.
Anyway, back to the real issue: if you go to France, sit at a table, drink their jug of free water, and then leave, do you think that would be considered fair? It is not about offering free tap water or not, but about using a venue for free, taking advantage of the only item they offer for free.
I'm all against waste, so I would also ask for a burger without a bun if I wasn't going to eat it for sure, and when I can't finish my restaurant meal I always ask for it to be packed in a doggy bag and never a restaurant has refused this. But if the said burger is £15, I wouldn't ask to pay £12 because I didn't want to eat the bun. Would you? And do you ask for a discount when you can't finish your meal? Again, you're missing the problem here: ripongrammargirl is not only trying to eat less, but also to pay less. If the restaurant decides some dishes are for kids, they are for kids, otherwise they would call them "light bites". You are free to respect their choices or choose another restaurant or just eat at home. But it's not the customers' place to rewrite the menu to their liking and then make a fuss when the staff kindly refuses.

phillw

I would never ever split the bill 50/50 under any circumstances.

Because one person will always feel like they contributed their fair share and someone else will feel like they're being mugged off.

GoldenLibra

YBR said:

Mention it, and discuss whether to pay separately or split the bill per head rather than per family.

That would involve taking ages of the children into account - a five year old will eat much less than a 15 year old.  That is why I prefer the solution of you and your husband asking for a bill that is separate from the others