Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep splitting restaurant bills with friends that have kids?

Appuldurcombe

No, used to fall into this trap all the time even with family as well friends. You just need to be clear from the get go of arranging to go out that you will pay your own way… some people don’t like it however I’ve always found that these tend to be either the wealthiest or the scroungers in life…..

Viveva

In a similar scenario my husband and I have kept a total of our order and just paid for what we ate and drank and if needed included the tip percentage. 

Or, the other way is to divide the bill by the number of people at the table, that way a family of four pay for four, a family of two pay for two etc. that can work out more fairly. 

Work out what’s the best way and say something to the rest of the group before it gets to the bill paying so everyone knows. Good luck. 

SuperScrimper1

Its tricky when you have been doing it for years ..perhaps say because of the cost of living crisis and bills going up you will pay your portion separately then they will 'get it' in an acceptable way that doesn't cause any uncomfortable discussions ..and depending on their finances you all might not be going out to eat as often when they realise the full cost of their portion of the bill.:)

Primrose

I think this depends on how frequently it happens.  If it,s a weekly or monthly event then obviously it's going to be an issue. But if it,s onky a couple of times a year could yiu swallow it for the sake of harmony.

if it,s become a major issue then obviously you should raise it but try and do it away from the timing of an immediate gathering so it becomes less emotionally connected.

Ringo90

ripongrammargirl said:

My husband and I have a similar problem. We are a couple without children and neither of us drink alcohol, preferring tap water (free -and then it doesn’t matter if it’s not all consumed!). Also, 12 years ago I had a gastric bypass (losing 10 stone) which means I opt for a starter or a children’s meal at much cheaper costs and no dessert. We were being taken for a ride by others regarding split bills etc, so when we had a quiet word with them they got on a massive offensive and didn’t contact us again, which showed what leeches they actually were and we are better off without.
My main problem is getting eating establishments to serve me a child's meal as most (not all) look at me with disgust and don’t understand. This was once the case of a fish and chip restaurant in Thirsk (often seen on The Yorkshire vet). There were 7 adults who ordered starter and mains. I ordered a childs meal (which is still too big) after explaining why, and the waitress returned saying they would not serve me that as, at 40 then, I was not a child under 10??!!!
Needless to say I was very upset, my husband angry and my parents, sibling and grandparents horrified. We walked out after telling them and other customers why (who were also horrified) and they lost over £120 that day all for the sake of one smaller meal at £6 instead of £12, and we have never been back despite many visits over all our lifetimes. So many establishments have to be told why, which is total discrimination, and then several change their minds and will help; but WHY do adults have to eat expensive large meals that go to waste and are refused smaller meals??? OAP’s get specials so why do adults with medical reasons have to justify this just to have a meal out somewhere? I hate it.

This is a tricky one... to be honest if two people are going out and occupying a table that is aimed at paying customers just for a free tap water each, it is unfair to the pub (and if I were your friend sitting with you I would be a bit embarassed if you did this regularly). I mean, if tap water's all you want to have, just invite your friends at home then rather than dining out. And I'm saying this as a person who only rarely has alcohol, but if I go to a pub to meet friends I make sure I have at least an apple juice, a coke, a bag of crisps or peanuts, whatever, it's a matter of respect. The pub is a business, not a charity.
And same goes for kid's meals. I understand where the restaurant is coming from. A kid's meal is, as the word suggests, for KIDS. Not for adults who want to save some money. I understand you do it because you had a bypass and only need a smaller portion, but you can order a starter, a "small bite" (many pubs and restaurants have that section) or if that's not at all possible, just order a regular meal and have the leftovers wrapped in a doggy bag to take home and eat the following day. Most restaurants do that. But by no mean order a kid's meal. Making a scene for that with other customers was also quite petty.
Have you considered the idea that maybe the reason why you had an argument with your friends is that you come off as stingy? I'm not saying you are but you might appear so.

paulk3

one born every minute ! can't believe this question !
I can't afford to eat out and pay for myself!
carry on paying for everyone,you seem to be able to afford it !

Hbarratt888

They should be paying for their own kids plus themselves,
or just do a separate bill, tell them your sorry but can’t afford to go half’s.

aintreemaid

Ridgehead said:

People with no children already pay through the nose for the children of others. They pay less tax, get extra benefits and allowances and usually subsidised or 'free' (paid for by others) children's meals out as it is.
Pay your own bill and if they complain they were never really your friends.
However, work it out roughly in your head first, you may not be paying as much extra as you think.

Playing devil's advocate here: whilst it doesn't make up for the lack of consideration on the part of the OP's friends, I'd like to make the point that raising children involves far greater expense than any meagre allowances parents may receive.  Please also bear in mind that, not only do childless couples have more disposable income now, but it is other people's children who will be looking after the childless in their old age. 

JayD

I agree with others here who say to speak to the others in the group about how these food bills have developed into a rather unfair bill split given that there are now so many children - some of whom are no longer toddlers. Then suggest your food and drinks are billed to you separately. 

Brie

I'd at least want the bill divided up by the number of people there.  So you two and two other couples each with a child then you pay 2/8ths and they each pay 3/8ths.