Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep splitting restaurant bills with friends that have kids?

Hannimal

This is an interesting one. I am going on a family holiday this year with my two siblings and their families. Sister 1 has a husband and 3 children, sister 2 has a husband and 2 children. Cost of holiday rental is divided by "household", which means I (travelling alone, without husband or children), household of sister 1 and Sister 2 all pay £1200 for a week in a villa each. This means that cost per person is £360 for accommodation, cost per adult (if cost of kids is shared equally) is £720 but my family thinks the fair way of dividing this is to divide by cost of household. I am a 1-person household. I have now agreed to this last ever holiday with my family but I am already resenting it. 

Chris_Jay

@Ringo90.  Ripongrammargirl didn't say that she doesn't eat at the restaurant, just that her drink of choice is tap water. There's nothing wrong with that, as a non-drinker, and if restaurants did here as they do in Europe, there would be water and glasses provided at each table, so no need to ask for it.
For my own medical reasons, my appetite is diminished, and I have never had a problem when I've asked for a smaller portion, or a burger with no bun, as I hate wasting food. Any sensible restaurant staff should be glad to not have food going into the bin - it saves money for them as well as the customer.
It does seem that the staff at that particular venue hadn't been trained very well in sensitivity, but as devil's advocate, maybe that staff member had already had a trying morning. No excuse for rudeness, of course.

itisjustmeandmythoughts

I have one 14 year old son and a 15 year old step son.

I would never dream of asking my friends to pay for their meals. If we go out in any company we pay out own share, 4 parts of the meal, and when they were smaller too, it was less, but still, not fair. I equally don't agree a bill should be split equally of people are having 3 courses versus 1 or drinking versus non drinking. 

Unless someone is rich and is insisting on paying of course, which never would happen to me lol 

But pay for your own, your friends know what they are doing!

Taking advantage 

Chris_Jay

@Ridgehead. Your comment about childfree or childless people wasn't kind or fair. 
It's something that comes up regularly in discussions over who pays what, whether in the costs of eating out, or the expense of childcare. There are as many reasons to have children as there are to not do so, and I would like to remind people that many of us parents and grandparents also work, frequently in less than wonderful jobs, because, you know, childcare costs, time restraints etc, and it will be their children - our children - who look after the residents in care or nursing homes, or on the wards, in the operating theatres, or in classrooms, or who work in shops and factories (lest we forget that shops and factories continued during the pandemic so that we all could eat) and they're available to do these jobs because, selfishly, obviously, their parents had children. 
Sorry, this has turned into a bit of a ramble; it's a subject that I do find irritating.

rwgray

If you can afford to subsidise their kids - because you don't have any - then you may as well continue.  If it's bugging you, then stop.  How do YOU feel?

Ringo90

Chris_Jay said:

@Ringo90.  Ripongrammargirl didn't say that she doesn't eat at the restaurant, just that her drink of choice is tap water. There's nothing wrong with that, as a non-drinker, and if restaurants did here as they do in Europe, there would be water and glasses provided at each table, so no need to ask for it.

I come from "Europe" and in particular from a country where it is not allowed to serve tap water for free, so there isn't that option and yes, some restaurants do put bottled water on your table by default or immediately bring it as soon as you arrive but it is not free. You will find it in your bill. I am also almost a non-drinker as I said, but that is no excuse to go sit at the table of a business FOR FREE. There are plently soft drinks options or snacks you can have. Or if you don't want anything you can stay home. But businesses pay rent and expenses to offer a service, so you should not take advantage of their hospitality for free.

For my own medical reasons, my appetite is diminished, and I have never had a problem when I've asked for a smaller portion, or a burger with no bun, as I hate wasting food. Any sensible restaurant staff should be glad to not have food going into the bin - it saves money for them as well as the customer.

But they didn't ask for a small portion, they asked for a dish from the kid's menu, which is reserved to kids and has a different price. I'm sure that if they had ordered a burger with no bun for the same price of a regular burger, the server woulnd't have refused. See the problem here?

CapeTown

Chris_Jay said:

@Ringo90.  Ripongrammargirl didn't say that she doesn't eat at the restaurant, just that her drink of choice is tap water. There's nothing wrong with that, as a non-drinker, and if restaurants did here as they do in Europe, there would be water and glasses provided at each table, so no need to ask for it.
For my own medical reasons, my appetite is diminished, and I have never had a problem when I've asked for a smaller portion, or a burger with no bun, as I hate wasting food. Any sensible restaurant staff should be glad to not have food going into the bin - it saves money for them as well as the customer.
It does seem that the staff at that particular venue hadn't been trained very well in sensitivity, but as devil's advocate, maybe that staff member had already had a trying morning. No excuse for rudeness, of course.

Poster is going to a restaurant asking for tap water and child meal. Where is the profit in that. Poster already admitted problem with food hence gastric bypass. Kids meals typically junk .... chicken nuggets,  burgers. Just ask for a starter. Restaurants having hard enough time without people being so picky and then obnoxiously aggressive 

saajan_12

Reminds me of a similar experience with a taxi shared with strangers once.. 

Was away for a weekend getaway by train, when the last train of the day was cancelled. Rather than hang around and miss our connection, I and a few other passengers decided to club together for a taxi to the mainline station. Taxi was a 6 seater and negotiated a rate of £[90] from memory, and the general discussion was around £15 per person seemed better than the alternative. Our taxi filled up with 2 couples, a parent and a child ~10yo, and away we went.

As we got on the highway, the parent started talking out loud to the ether about how we were lucky to get this rather than individual taxis, of course her child is a minor and wouldn't pay, but we can still split it 5 ways. Bear in mind this was a bunch of strangers, the child's space wasn't free as otherwise we could have another single adult / couple to pay the share as there were 20+ people waiting, and the negotiation had mostly been about the per person cost if split 6 ways. 

Most annoying was how the parent tried to change the deal with comments out of thin air, but shrouded in a bunch of niceties to make it awkward for anyone to disagree. Response to all these should be 'your child isn't expected to pay, I'm sure you'll cover their expenses though'

Ringo90

CapeTown said:

Chris_Jay said:

@Ringo90.  Ripongrammargirl didn't say that she doesn't eat at the restaurant, just that her drink of choice is tap water. There's nothing wrong with that, as a non-drinker, and if restaurants did here as they do in Europe, there would be water and glasses provided at each table, so no need to ask for it.
For my own medical reasons, my appetite is diminished, and I have never had a problem when I've asked for a smaller portion, or a burger with no bun, as I hate wasting food. Any sensible restaurant staff should be glad to not have food going into the bin - it saves money for them as well as the customer.
It does seem that the staff at that particular venue hadn't been trained very well in sensitivity, but as devil's advocate, maybe that staff member had already had a trying morning. No excuse for rudeness, of course.

Poster is going to a restaurant asking for tap water and child meal. Where is the profit in that. Poster already admitted problem with food hence gastric bypass. Kids meals typically junk .... chicken nuggets,  burgers. Just ask for a starter. Restaurants having hard enough time without people being so picky and then obnoxiously aggressive 

Really, it's like one was expecting to pay a child ticket at the cinema only because they're much shorter than the average adult... I don't understand where all this entitlement is coming from. It's a shame that she had a gastric bypass but I don't think it's the restaurant's problem.

jedav

My partner, his brother and I took our respective mothers out for Mothers' Day one year.  I paid 2/5 and they each paid 3/10 of the bill.  Seemed fair to me.  I have a friend I always pay for because she has two children and she and her husband struggle for money and taking her out gives her some identity of her own.  So I'm making value judgements about people's circumstances.  Only you have that kind of information about your friends.

On the other hand your friends' children will be paying for your pension and healthcare when they are working.  If you're unhappy subsidising them (that's your prerogative) don't.  Your friends may not have thought through the effect on you of their changes in circumstances. 

There seem to be some good suggestions for handling this scenario sensitively, without causing friction.