Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep splitting restaurant bills with friends that have kids?

Aussie6

Totally agree. 
Pay for your own on a separate bill. 
It's done like that all the time in some countries and works a treat. 
Enjoy your next meal out! 

keithyno.1

As others have suggested, tell your friends at the next meal out that from then on you're just going to pay for what you and your partner have had and ask the restaurant to put your meal and drinks on a separate bill from the others - they can continue to split their bill amongst themselves as they wish then.

If you feel a bit embarrassed about having to do this, just say with the cost of living crisis things are a bit tight at the moment - any true friends would surely respect this without questioning further. That way you don't have to tell them you're doing it because of their free loading kids! It's just my view, but I think they've a bloody nerve expecting you and your partner to subsidise their family on social occasions out.

keithyno.1

John_Gray said:

If you're rich enough to eat out, then you can afford to pay for everyone.

Of course, the same applies to your friends.  

"If you're rich enough to eat out?"

Oh come on, this is 2023, not 1823. I think it's considered quite normal for the vast majority of the population to eat out once in a while these days, it's not some exclusive preserve of the rich and wealthy. And quite rightly so.

2702

NO

Cannot understand that you have let this go on for so long. Your friends should have suggested that you get a separate bill long ago.
Politely request a separate bill in future. If anyone feels embarrassed it should be them.

gloriouslyhappy

I often go out with my pensioner friends, there are seven of us, two couples and three singles. The bill is always split seven ways so the couples pay an equal share. None of us drinks a lot or is greedy so doesn’t order the most expensive dish, and it averages out pretty evenly. 

Last time we met up I had toothache and was on antibiotics. Therefore I paid separately for my soup and mineral water while the others had a proper meal with wine and split the bill as usual.

Only fair and no one raised an eyebrow.

BethP

High time you requested a split bill for just you and your wife’s food & drink.  Much fairer for you both.

WolverineSW11

I suggest you miss 2 of the meals in a go, stating that you cannot afford it.
Then when chatting between the meals with these 'friends', if they say nothing about the meals, then they know they have been rumbled. I do wonder if they would want to go so often if they have to pay for their own kids' food?
Last year my sister decided to go to TGIF for her meal. As birthday person she did not have to pay. She still had the most expensive dish on the menu as well as 2 of the dearest cocktails, after 2 large glasses of wine and again, the dearest dessert, which she left most of. At the end of the meal I had to pay for my meal, my daughter's and grandaughter's as well a portion of my sisters.
When it was my birthday, I did my usual and went for what I liked, which at the cheap end of the scale.

[Deleted User]

Unfortunately, lots of us have been abused in a similar way, and it can be difficult to broach the subject, especially when the situation has been accepted for a while, - but do it.  I let a situation like this continue, and I regret it, not because of the cost, but because I was treated unfairly and it wasn't acknowledged, and they knew I allowed it rather than mention it.  It's a kind of bullying, and I'm annoyed I was a wimp and didn't handle it.  I should have shown more respect for myself, I wish I had, and I think you should.  Explain with confidence, everyone must be aware of the extra cost on you, so acknowledge it, say you haven't minded (you haven't previously complained) but have decided not to continue, and in future will pay what is a fair amount to you, and perhaps the simplest way is with a separate bill.  

Mick1898

Are you splitting the bill between the adults only..? If you are, then start suggesting it’s split by the total number of people (including kids), then the families with kids would pick up the equiv. of 3+ people, for example.

Or, just rightly point out that splitting evenly is ridiculous and that from now on you will pay for your own.

MaxiRobriguez

We're in the opposite situation, we are the only couple of our friendship group who have kids.

Guess what, we don't split the bill equally, because it's not fair. We pay for our child.