Money Moral Dilemma: Should we keep splitting restaurant bills with friends that have kids?

stephgr8

Your friends have taken financial advantage of you for far too long. I would simply say that whilst you have been happy to split the bills for many years, now due to cost pressures, you reluctantly need a fair way of dividing the costs and therefore from now onwards, you will be paying for yourselves as a couple. Your friends are, presumably, not stupid so the fact that they have knowingly taken advantage of your generosity for so long is disappointing but you have gone along with it.

sclare

Use the cost of living crisis to your advantage. Tell the others that you're needing to budget more carefully at the moment, so will only be able to pay for what you have. 

Just make sure you don't have the most expensive of everything and undermine your reason!

flobalob1

littlebird37 said:

I had a friend I'd known for years who always used to order the most expensive food on the menu like lobster or steak, and an expensive glass of wine plus several soft drinks. We went on holiday a couple of years ago, and to my horror on the first day she said it would be easier to put all our money together and pay for everything out of that. On the first night she ordered two main courses (I kid you not!) and ordered two bottles of wine, which she gulped down before I had even finished my second glass. After the second day of her stuffing her face with chocolate, crisps and sweets from the hotel shop, ice creams and drinks at the pool, I realised she was taking the mickey big time. So I politely and apologetically told her that I'd prefer to pay for only what I ate, and that it shouldn't be too difficult to do it that way as it was just the two of us. She agreed but then spent the rest of the holiday sulking and feigning illness. We've barely seen each other since, and I'm so annoyed at the way she behaved I'm actually glad.

Yes, I know the feeling! My brother in law use to ask "how are we paying" when a group of us sat down in a restaurant. If the bill was being split between the couples, he and sister in law ordered the most expensive starter,  fillet steak, dessert and Irish coffees. On the odd occasion when each couple paid seperately, the ate MUCH more modestly. Then they started bringing their kids along and of course, the kids had fillet steaks as well. One of the kids dropped them in it by saying they only were only ever allowed steak when somebody else was paying!

ripongrammargirl

My husband and I have a similar problem. We are a couple without children and neither of us drink alcohol, preferring tap water (free -and then it doesn’t matter if it’s not all consumed!). Also, 12 years ago I had a gastric bypass (losing 10 stone) which means I opt for a starter or a children’s meal at much cheaper costs and no dessert. We were being taken for a ride by others regarding split bills etc, so when we had a quiet word with them they got on a massive offensive and didn’t contact us again, which showed what leeches they actually were and we are better off without.
My main problem is getting eating establishments to serve me a child's meal as most (not all) look at me with disgust and don’t understand. This was once the case of a fish and chip restaurant in Thirsk (often seen on The Yorkshire vet). There were 7 adults who ordered starter and mains. I ordered a childs meal (which is still too big) after explaining why, and the waitress returned saying they would not serve me that as, at 40 then, I was not a child under 10??!!!
Needless to say I was very upset, my husband angry and my parents, sibling and grandparents horrified. We walked out after telling them and other customers why (who were also horrified) and they lost over £120 that day all for the sake of one smaller meal at £6 instead of £12, and we have never been back despite many visits over all our lifetimes. So many establishments have to be told why, which is total discrimination, and then several change their minds and will help; but WHY do adults have to eat expensive large meals that go to waste and are refused smaller meals??? OAP’s get specials so why do adults with medical reasons have to justify this just to have a meal out somewhere? I hate it.

Ed264

I'd have thought at least some of your friends should have raised the situation with you! It's entirely unfair for you to be paying for their kids. Put your foot down here and assert that you're only going to pay for yourselves from today, and arrange with the restaurant staff to let you have your own bill. If your friends get shirty about it.....well, are they real friends at all? Good luck.

Ridgehead

People with no children already pay through the nose for the children of others. They pay less tax, get extra benefits and allowances and usually subsidised or 'free' (paid for by others) children's meals out as it is.
Pay your own bill and if they complain they were never really your friends.
However, work it out roughly in your head first, you may not be paying as much extra as you think.

Kaffiness

You could also take advantage of the order at table app that a lot of places have since covid,  and just order your food separately if it’s a pain to split the bill. 

CapeTown

ripongrammargirl said:

My husband and I have a similar problem. We are a couple without children and neither of us drink alcohol, preferring tap water (free -and then it doesn’t matter if it’s not all consumed!). Also, 12 years ago I had a gastric bypass (losing 10 stone) which means I opt for a starter or a children’s meal at much cheaper costs and no dessert. We were being taken for a ride by others regarding split bills etc, so when we had a quiet word with them they got on a massive offensive and didn’t contact us again, which showed what leeches they actually were and we are better off without.
My main problem is getting eating establishments to serve me a child's meal as most (not all) look at me with disgust and don’t understand. This was once the case of a fish and chip restaurant in Thirsk (often seen on The Yorkshire vet). There were 7 adults who ordered starter and mains. I ordered a childs meal (which is still too big) after explaining why, and the waitress returned saying they would not serve me that as, at 40 then, I was not a child under 10??!!!
Needless to say I was very upset, my husband angry and my parents, sibling and grandparents horrified. We walked out after telling them and other customers why (who were also horrified) and they lost over £120 that day all for the sake of one smaller meal at £6 instead of £12, and we have never been back despite many visits over all our lifetimes. So many establishments have to be told why, which is total discrimination, and then several change their minds and will help; but WHY do adults have to eat expensive large meals that go to waste and are refused smaller meals??? OAP’s get specials so why do adults with medical reasons have to justify this just to have a meal out somewhere? I hate it.

I understand where you are coming from regarding the kids meal. However they are aimed at kids not 40 year old. You should have just had a starter and left it at that. Telling all the other customers was too much. If anyone kicks off in a restaurant I just want to shrink into a corner. It is embarrassing 

Agent57

This really annoys me and is one reason why I dread going out for group meals.
Why can't restaurants treat people as individuals.  I always keep an eye on the size of my bill.  I often just have one course and one drink and can come in at under £20 whereas others have bills that are twice that.

It seems that the majority on here are rightly in favour of splitting the bill.  However, in practice at the end of the evening most people can't be bothered to work out who had what and go for the easy / lazy option of splitting the bill.  Usually those that ordered the most.

honestcove

Suggest to your friends that they come out without their kids so you can all enjoy adult only time.
I guarantee that will resolve the issue.