Old member returning in tough times

Lanky_larry

Good evening! I’ve not been on since the forum changed and goodness it’s taking some getting used to.
I have to admit to being a sporadic forum user, life often got in the way, things got tough and I would let things slide. Unfortunately this is no longer an option.
Not too long ago, my other half was diagnosed with incurable stage 4 bowel cancer. I have to come to terms with losing the love of my life, and for soon becoming the sole provider for our family (as it stands he is still being paid at work, but this won’t last forever)

Because I was in a state of shock and grief (despite him still being alive, it’s a strange mental place) I went overboard for Christmas and have blown the budget, sticking it all on the credit card and Klara. Yes I know I’m daft, but if I’m honest I don’t currently regret it. This could be his last Christmas and I wanted it to be amazing for him and the kids. 

Anyway, it’s done now, the money is spent and I have to get a grip of this and pay it off ASAP so I can start to build a buffer. (In an ideal world I would like to start to overpay the mortgage but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here!) 

I am going to start by reducing spending and trying to increase income but without overexerting myself, I still have to work, care for my husband, care for our disabled son, keep house etc etc so there’s no point burning myself out.

apologies for the essay, I’m determined to start now and not on the 1st of Jan. I am currently updating the accounts app I have to see exactly what I owe. Wish me luck!

Lanky_larry

Current debts: 

Mortgage approx £210,000 

Virgin Credit Card: £2800
Klarna: £275

Halifax Overdraft: £160

editing to add - I forgot the very account!

very: £500

LookingForPeace

Oh @Lanky_larry - I'm so sad to hear of your situation. I cannot begin to imagine. 

I hope the magical people (and I!) here can help support you through this in whatever small way is possible. 

I'd struggle to feel any guilt over the Christmas spending in the circumstances - and it'll give you no benefit to feel that way either. Memories and time together with the most special people is never wasted spending in my opinion (I might get drummed out of the MSE circle for that one though  )

Do post when you've had a look at what the situation looks like money wise, and if any help is needed just ask and I'm sure some kind folk will chime in 

Lanky_larry

That’s so kind of you, thank you.
I’m laid in bed next to him determined to make 2023 good somehow.
next scans are Thursday and we find out 10th of Jan if his treatment is doing anything so I am keeping myself as busy as possible in a productive way
house is full of food, kids are happy playing with their presents - life is okay right now, I can do this ☺️

Gettingmyshiztogether

Just wanted to offer my moral support. I can hardly imagine being in your situation right now, you can do this xxx

Four_Seasons

Sending you positive vibes and lots of virtual hugs x

Lanky_larry

Thank you also, I have my moments when I am strong and feel like I can do anything and it will be okay, and others where I can’t keep the tears at bay. 

I’m better when I am busy, but I have a habit of doing too much and crashing out spectacularly so I am tying to be mindful of this. Plus I do not know what this year will hold. Should his current chemo regime be working, there may be some pretty significant surgeries happening, I will need time off my job, but may be able to do some home working to keep topped up. 

First on my list is to update my CV and linked in profile. I have some decent experience but no actual qualifications (typically, always just said I’d do it ‘later’ grrr) I currently work for a very small business and am on a low wage for the work I do (however I can genuinely call my boss my friend, and I am being given so much leeway at the moment, I am not able to complain, unfortunately the business isn’t well off, I can’t rely on it forever so need to have a backup plan, )

WinterWarrior

I’m so sorry. 

Without being morbid can you check your insurance? If the mortgage will get settled on death of one of the parties then you definitely would be better saving any extra, rather than overpaying. Also make sure he keeps his employment, even if the sick pay runs out there should be a death in service payment if the firm is big enough. Also some kind of pension?  I know this is horrible to think about, but it’s good to know what can be covered if the worst should happen and may clear your minds to concentrate on treatment plans and hopefully getting better. It may help you breathe a bit easier and not fret about training just now. 

ladyholly

I am very sorry to hear of your situatiion. I cannot imagine how hard things are for you. If you havent it might be worth getting in touch with Macmillan who can provide all kinds of help and advice. While you may not need it at present there may come a time when you do and if you are already in touch with them it may be easier. Also I dont know what your disabled sons needs are if there is a charity which helps people with his condition it might be worth joining/ getting in touch with them. For many people the most difficult thing is asking for help but dont be afraid and grab all the help you can get.

Finally dont feel guilty  about Christmas spends I think most people would have done the same and hope you had a wonderful time.

Lanky_larry

WinterWarrior said:

I’m so sorry. 

Without being morbid can you check your insurance? If the mortgage will get settled on death of one of the parties then you definitely would be better saving any extra, rather than overpaying. Also make sure he keeps his employment, even if the sick pay runs out there should be a death in service payment if the firm is big enough. Also some kind of pension?  I know this is horrible to think about, but it’s good to know what can be covered if the worst should happen and may clear your minds to concentrate on treatment plans and hopefully getting better. It may help you breathe a bit easier and not fret about training just now. 

You make a good point actually - we have mortgage insurance so when he passes it is paid off. I was concentrating on reducing mortgage as we have a slightly complex issue - his job currently houses us, and the house we own is occupied by elderly relatives, it is a bungalow which could not house us, we don’t take rent on it. I was thinking about decreasing mortgage so I have more equity as I can’t get another mortgage when we / I sell that house to house us. I’m trying not to worry about that right now, but you have reminded me of that. I will focus on debt and savings, if reducing mortgage becomes a priority the savings can be used for that anyway. thank you

Lanky_larry

ladyholly said:

I am very sorry to hear of your situatiion. I cannot imagine how hard things are for you. If you havent it might be worth getting in touch with Macmillan who can provide all kinds of help and advice. While you may not need it at present there may come a time when you do and if you are already in touch with them it may be easier. Also I dont know what your disabled sons needs are if there is a charity which helps people with his condition it might be worth joining/ getting in touch with them. For many people the most difficult thing is asking for help but dont be afraid and grab all the help you can get.

Finally dont feel guilty  about Christmas spends I think most people would have done the same and hope you had a wonderful time.

You’re not the first to mention this actually, so another timely reminder, contacting Macmillion has felt a bit of a step, like admitting it’s real, which is ridiculous but there we are. I’ve had a lot of food for thought already, I can’t thank everyone enough, I only posted to get it out of my head and out into the world, to try and keep me motivated, I didn’t expect this!