Old member returning in tough times

Blackcats

I'm very sorry to read about your situation - it's very tough but it's nice to hear that you made Christmas as good as it can be.
I was in your situation several years ago and our mortgage insurance paid out when OH's doctors confirmed his condition was terminal and he had 12 months to live.  I think many policies do this and for us it meant we could put worries about money to one side (there were plenty of other worries so it was good to get rid of money worries).  It's really worthwhile finding a few minutes to check.  It is hard to accept the reality of meeting the criteria for the insurance to pay out though.
as others have said it's worth checking if OH has death in service benefit and/or a widow's pension and pension for dependent children from his employment.
bowel cancer UK were wonderfully helpful and supportive to me.  I had some calls with them that helped me to share how I was feeling and this helped me be the best I could be for OH. 
I hope the scans go well this week - it's so hard waiting for results.

Lanky_larry

Thank you - yes I think our policy also has that 12 month bit, my husband has implicitly asked that no time scales are to be discussed so am not able to do that (and I am not ready to consider it just yet) 
bowel cancer UK have been fabulous for us too, I have been using their forum and raised £300 for them this month asking family and friends to donate instead of sending us cards / presents.

he does have a death in service allowance - as soon as he was diagnosed he checked how much I will get when he dies so he is happy that I will be financially okay.
of course I won’t be - I may have a bit of money but I will be trying to find somewhere for me, my kids and the relatives living in the current house, all without him.
I would much rather just have him.

urgh. Sorry, not going to let it upset me again, it has helped him massively to know that I would be financially safe when he passes and I need to let that be. 

I am focussing on now. If I can get financially okay now, I will feel better. What a funny old position we’re in.

sending my love blackcats xx

13thlegion

Firstly you are wonderful and doing absolutely all the right things.

When I was 10 I was the child in a very similar story. That last Christmas with my dad was a big one and I'll remember every detail for the rest of my life. Well over 20 years later and I can still smell the memory.

My parents planned all the admin and financial side meticulously. Some debts were there and we moved house a year later. It really did let many things run automatically when they were needed and freed up mum emotionally to focus on herself and us. My parents were also very frank with us kids about the financial medical, and emotional reality which turned out to be really useful.

Lanky_larry

13thlegion said:

Firstly you are wonderful and doing absolutely all the right things.

When I was 10 I was the child in a very similar story. That last Christmas with my dad was a big one and I'll remember every detail for the rest of my life. Well over 20 years later and I can still smell the memory.

My parents planned all the admin and financial side meticulously. Some debts were there and we moved house a year later. It really did let many things run automatically when they were needed and freed up mum emotionally to focus on herself and us. My parents were also very frank with us kids about the financial medical, and emotional reality which turned out to be really useful.

Thank you for this, I am doing everything I can to give my children things to look back on and feel joy.
of course this may not be his last Christmas but likely his last where he’s well enough to enjoy it (there’s still chance for miracles and his oncology team and throwing everything they’ve got at it, so we are far from giving up)  but I want to make sure this isn’t just a time of sadness. 

Lanky_larry

I have sorted all of my accounts out
my biggest worry at the moment is the gas and electricity bill we’ll be getting in January- we pay quarterly and since my husbands treatment have probably spent £20 a day on gas (the chemo he’s on causes cold sensitivity, so the house literally can’t be cold or he can’t breathe ) so ummm… yeah.
hopefully they’ll be understanding as I don’t have that amount up front, I have £900 put aside so that should keep the wolf from the door!

Scans tomorrow (CT and MRI) the we have the anxious wait for the results. 

In the meantime I will be starting to take down the Christmas decorations- my birthday is in the new year so I like them down before then where I can. 

MinnieMidden

@lanky_larry I'm sorry to read that your DH is poorly.  Well done on making a lovely Xmas for you and your family.
My oncologist and a social worker organised PIP for me after I requested it.  It came through within four weeks and is paid weekly.  It would help you with your bills and it is not means tested.  Wishing you and your family all the best, MM x

Lanky_larry

Another reply reminding me of something I should do! 

I cannot thank this site enough already, I had been told to apply for PiP for my husband but to be honest felt it was a bit of a pee take as he is still currently being paid (and everything else was so overwhelming that it was out in the mental ‘do it later’ pile!) 

Four_Seasons

Hi, I think it would be worth applying for a blue badge as well, this will help with any parking situations x 

Lanky_larry

True, we did look at that but you have to send off lots of stuff and as we have a blue badge for our son, any family events haven’t been an issue, and otherwise the only place my husband has been is the hospital - for chemo I’m not allowed in so I drop him off, and scans so far have been on his off treatment weeks so haven’t been an issue.
as things progress however I expect he will need his own, he is waiting until his appointment on the 10th of Jan - depending on how that goes he will be applying for Pip and the badge (essentially if it doesn’t go well and chemo isn’t working then it is something for him to focus on instead. I may ask him if I’m allowed to ask the dr for a time scale if I think I can handle it, maybe when he’s out of the room. Then if they do think less that 12 months officially I can claim on the insurance. 

I am hoping beyond hope that all this is irrelevant and we get that miracle. ) 

Lanky_larry

Also , good news is that he is very much on board with my money making and saving attempts. Previously I have struggled to get him on board, but I have read out the forum threads I am joining and he is really game.
I think he knows I need things like this to keep my mind busy, but to have him joining in makes this much more fun, and I’m sure we’ll meet our goals quicker.

we’ve decided that once the credit card is cleared we’re going to put every penny saved and made into a holiday fund, if he is well enough in the summer we’ll go somewhere, only in the UK but we can really enjoy it. We haven’t been on holiday in years