Sister has asked me to lend money - how to deal with it

Sea_Shell

I have to say, I'm in the "don't lend" camp too.

£2k is likely to be just the start☹️

Also, sadly, I feel I may be in your shoes in the next few years, once the bank of Mum and dad has been cleaned out..

So it's been interesting to see people's views.

Sometimes you just have to say, no, sorry.


Should we keep saying no as we watch them slide into financial oblivion, taking their kids with them ☹️

It's hard.

HampshireH

Unexpected bills are quite unusual.

Usually reserved to such things like car breaking or boiler /major house repair.

What is her bill for? Has she told you?

Personally I'd go with the suggestion to lock it into a saver that can't be withdrawn especially if you don't need it right now

I also would say no 

Lola_balola

It would be a hard no from me.

she has demonstrated via your mum that she does not pay money back. 

If you go ahead then do so knowing that you are *giving* her the money. 

JReacher1

Boat_to_Bolivia said:

JReacher1 said:

Your sister needs £2k urgently and she has asked you for help.  You have £2k so if you care for your sister then lend her the £2k.

If your sister doesn't repay you as promised then don't lend her any more money again.  

Until she has actually borrowed money from you and not repaid it then I don't really see what the issue is.  You seem to be assuming she won't pay you back which may not be fair (only you really know the situation).

Have you actually read all the thread? Does she really need the money urgently or is she just living beyond her means?

She constantly borrowed from her mother until 'mum' had nothing left to give. The sister lives beyond her means, maxed out credit cards and large mortgage etc..yet you advise the OP to give her money with no hope of it being repaid???

She never paid her mother back, so why do you think she will pay her sister back?

There is no evidence that there is no hope of the Sister being repaid.  You are just speculating based on a very small amount of information which you have manipulated to suit your own agenda (not sure why).

The facts are quite simple

1) The OP's sister has said she needs £2k urgently.
2) The OP has £2k she can lend the sister.
3) The OP's sister says she will pay the money back early next year.
4) The OP's sister has never borrowed money from the OP before.

As a result we have no way of knowing whether the money will be repaid or not.  The information about holidays and credit cards is irrelevant to this situation.

To help my sister in need in the OP's position I would lend the money.  Then if the money was not repaid would never lend them anymore money and use the previous non payment of the £2k as the reason why.

Lola_balola

JReacher1 said:

There is no evidence that there is no hope of the Sister being repaid.  You are just speculating based on a very small amount of information which you have manipulated to suit your own agenda (not sure why).

The facts are quite simple

1) The OP's sister has said she needs £2k urgently.
2) The OP has £2k she can lend the sister.
3) The OP's sister says she will pay the money back early next year.
4) The OP's sister has never borrowed money from the OP before.

As a result we have no way of knowing whether the money will be repaid or not.  The information about holidays and credit cards is irrelevant to this situation.

To help my sister in need in the OP's position I would lend the money.  Then if the money was not repaid would never lend them anymore money and use the previous non payment of the £2k as the reason why.

Are you the sister!?

Mojisola

easy said:
My sister has always lived beyond her means,  mortgaged to the hilt,  credit cards up to their limits,  borrowing from parents.
Last year our mum died,  and we were both lucky enough to inherit a sum of money,  obviously the inheritance was shared equally.

 Not a vast fortune, but a comfortable sum.
But she has spent all her money. 

She's asked me to lend her a sum of money,  a couple of K to help her pay some unexpected bills.  She says she will repay me early next year.  She has a plan .
My husband is incandescent with rage ...  I'm pretty pee'd off myself.  

But I can't really say no at this stage - I know my mum would say don't leave her high and dry in a panic.

She knows how much you inherited.

She knows you're a saver.

She won't stop asking until she's had as much of your inheritance as she can get out of you.

Are you sure that's what your Mum would say - she, of all people, knows how much of a taker your sister is and had to eventually say no to her.

Don't wait until you have to say no because she's had all your capital!

sharpe106

Family and lending money pretty much always ends in tears. From her history I would not expect the money back, However if I had the money I would lend it this time and this time only. It sounds like you think if you don't lend her the money it will break up your relationship with her and you would think it was your fault.

If you lend her the money and she does not pay it back and it still breaks up your relationship at least you would know it was not your fault. To me that would be a bargin for £2,000. 

kinger101

herebeme said:

It’s actually not a kindness to enable her sort of behaviour. Your mum, for all her good intentions, has not helped your sister at all by constantly bailing her out. Don’t make the same mistake. These forums are full of diaries of people that have pulled themselves out of huge debt and transformed their attitude to finances. Anyone can do it, but they won’t do it if there’s an easier way out. 

This!  "Lending" her the money would enable the behaviour she needs to stop.  Tell her you won't be lending her the money because she needs to get a grip of her finances and learn to live within her means.

GiantTCR

2 things:

First, you'll never see the money again if you lend it to your sister

Second, your husband should just shut the hell up because it's your inheritance money, not his.

easy

kinger101 said:

herebeme said:

It’s actually not a kindness to enable her sort of behaviour. Your mum, for all her good intentions, has not helped your sister at all by constantly bailing her out. Don’t make the same mistake. These forums are full of diaries of people that have pulled themselves out of huge debt and transformed their attitude to finances. Anyone can do it, but they won’t do it if there’s an easier way out. 

This!  "Lending" her the money would enable the behaviour she needs to stop.  Tell her you won't be lending her the money because she needs to get a grip of her finances and learn to live within her means.

She is 66 years old. One of my mother's sayings was 'people don't change, they just get more so'. 

I feel I have to lend her this one sum. 
I don't think I'll get it back. 
But that will mean I don't have to lend again, I suppose.