Very Different Sex Drives

Clive_Woody

Get SKY sports.

poorbabe

I read through this thread and I might have got it wrong (skimming whilst at work :shhh: ) , but it struck me that PP's other half misled him at the beginning of the relationship by pretending that sex, for her, was just as important as it was for him.

If I read it right, that makes them forever incompatible in that area, unless they can come to some agreement both can live with, up to and including splitting, which would be sad if sex was the 'only' problem in the relationship.

PP - I have no suggestions to make, especially as I'm not in a relationship at the moment. I wish you both a painless resolution to this.

privateposter

Well, I went on lunch thinking i would give up on this thread but at last it seems 3 of you are kind of getting the point. Part of me does feel sliughtly resentful because yes, she did basically lie to get her man and l;ead us both down a path that could potentially (but i dont think it will) lead to us both being very unhappy. Yes, we are pretty incompatible sexually but very compatible in most other ways and so I would never consider ending the relationship over this and we agreed, when iyt all came out that we would have to work a compromise meaning we both meet in the middle. That hasn't really happened but after yet another talk about ti last night we are gonna try and have a special day in the week where we get done up, go out for a meal and have dessert at home, if i can use such a cheesey pun (pun certainly not intended on the cheesey, before anyone sees a gag opportunity (pun intended). I completley agree that it is not her with the problem and have told her this, although she is gonna require convincing - it is a problem with "us" and compatability. Thanks poorbabe for the good wishes. Last of all, i find all the great jokes about doing more cleaning really funny, in fact I've only just stopped laughing. People are so presumptious and judgemental it is actually funny. Anyway, thanks again for those that took the effort to read and try and understand the actual problem. Oh, and it's not about getting my quota or keeping count, it's about me being in a state of near-constant sexual frustration. Miss-phish, where would you recommend for counselling -relate, a private practitioner, specialist or what?

pinkshoes

Atomised wrote: »

I half agree with your post. If she was happy having lots of sex at the beginning of the relationship but isn't now-what has happened? She either lied to get her man, thus building a rod for her own back ,or she has gone off him. Ignoring this problem will only make it worse

are you serious?! or just not had many relationships?!? i would say 99% of relationships have lots of sex at the beginning which goes down after 6 months or so...

Love kicks in, and some of the initial lust fades!

I do like the way the OP only seems to thank people for posts that suggest it's HER problem, and not him being unreasonable!

Sola

Only you can say how fair things are in terms of housekeeping, but I'm speaking from experience when I say resentment can build up massively if the majority of it falls to one person and they're expected to do it all plus provide sex on top. Sex becomes just another 'must do before sleep to tick it off the list' thing. If this isn't your problem, that's fine, but it is true for some women at least.

Jei70

I think this is a serious relationship problem and my advice is to get counselling.

It's obvious that there is no proper communication between the two of you - either your partner lied at the beginning of the relationship, or she's lying now (i.e. she has a particular issue/problem that she's not sharing with you). On the other hand, she may be reticent to talk because she feels under pressure from you... There's more than one side to this. Counselling should provide a non-threatening environment and tools to improve the communication between you. I hear Relate is good.

I have to reiterate that, in my view, this is a serious problem. My SO had almost the same experience with his ex wife - enough said, I think.

Good luck, privateposter and partner!

Pink_butterfly_3

Have you tried just backing off for a bit?

There is nothing that is less of a turn on than a man who constantly whinges on and on about wanting sex. Guilt tripping someone into sex is not really the best way to get a woman 'going'.

Give her some space and stop hassling her about it. Trouble is, its now obviously turned into a big issue which probably makes it even harder for her now.

Jei70

pinkshoes wrote: »

are you serious?! or just not had many relationships?!? i would say 99% of relationships have lots of sex at the beginning which goes down after 6 months or so...

Love kicks in, and some of the initial lust fades!

LOL! If the relationship works, there's no need to have many! Some of the initial lust *may* fade, and circumstances may change (health, family, etc.), but not drastically and without explanation.

privateposter

Pinkshoes - i started thanking everythoing, helpful, relevant or otherwise. Pretty much everything you said in your post 23 had previously been addressed. If you really want thanks that much, let me know and I'll just thank everything you say. Also, yes, everyone knows the lust fades but if you had read anything you would understand that this is not the issue.

Sola - you are speaking from your experience and applying that information to me when there is nothing that has been said to make you think it would be relevant.

The communication between us is good (unless, of course, she is holding something back but i don't think thats the case as we HAVE talked about this on a few occasions) but talking only goes so far. We generally talk, come to some form of slight resolution but then nothing changes. Before people say that i'm only expecting her to change, thats because yes, i am, because the change has all been one way previously - we went from having a reasonable amount of sex to very, very little as thats what she wanted.

heather38

since my DD was born my sex drive has dissapeared to a big fat zero.
like you my DH is very frustrated and pesters me for sex, but i'm so tired at bed time i really can't be arsed.
you seem very bothered that you aren't getting any, but seem to be missing her point, you can't make someone increase their sex drive. you have to come to some sort of compremise, taking tablets wont cure the underlying problems. you really need to sit down and talk (and listen).i mean really talk and find out what can be changed in you relatiionship (if anything) start off small, a meal, the cinema or what ever, think of it as a date, with no expectation of anything at the end.
if you plan to have sex on set days then it becomes even more of a chore.
if you really can't live without sex morning noon and night then maybe it's time to move on.