Very Different Sex Drives

privateposter

People do not just have different sex drives? Well, yes, they do actually. It is more of a chore than I would like and yes that is a problem for me because obviously I want her to enjoy it too. However, it's a chore because it is of less interest to her. I have tried getting her drunk, yes, but no, it doesn't work.

pinkshoes

3 to 5 times a month sounds adequate!!

If a woman feels presurised to do it more, then she'll end up doing it just to please you, enjoy it less, then in the long run want to have sex even less, as it will become a chore rather than a pleasure!!

Or maybe your technique isn't up to scratch...?

Or maybe she feels you're too obsessed with getting your quota rather than pleasing her, so doesn't enjoy it?

You have 2 hands don't you?! What's wrong with using them?? I'm sure you could fit it in twice a day, and she wouldn't have to know, and then she might relax a bit more about sex because she'll no longer feel like you're pestering her all the time!

Clive_Woody

privateposter wrote: »

I have tried getting her drunk, yes, but no, it doesn't work.

Flowers, chocolates, cute cuddly toys, sexy lingerie (for her, not you)?

lilac_lady

Try cleaning the house and making a meal beforehand. Your OH will love that style of foreplay !!

poppyscorner

private poster I sympathise with your situation.

Our relationship started off much like yours very active in the bedroom but my hubbys drive slipped to where he was happy at 3 times (ish) a month and I always wanted more.

We now have two kids and I have to say mine has also slipped (partly due to health problems) and I sometimes feel he has just run me down to that way and after a while of rejection you stop asking and trying his drive has now perked up so to speak and he wants it and I do not.

I don't want to because I am knackered with the kids I work full time aswell and then I keep the house because he is a lazy !!!!.

Sex does not feel special to me like it used to and is just something we do for some relief (mainly on his terms) I have lost me somewhere in the hustle and bustle of our lives and I am now wife mother and general dogsbody as opposed to just being Poppy IYSWIM.

I probably havent helped a bit but I think when people get into long term relationships they can feel a bit like they loose a bit of their individuality and that can feel awful.

cazziebo

lilac_lady wrote: »

Try cleaning the house and making a meal beforehand. Your OH will love that style of foreplay !!

:T :T :T :T :T :T :T

Would sure work for me! :rotfl:

truthseeker_4

private poster if you're so convinced it's just about her having a lower sex drive and just not being that bothered about sex, then there's not much you can do about it. Unless you want to quit the relationship just because in your view you aren't getting enough :rolleyes: . I'm sure there's stuff she'd like to change about you too, more housework, more romance, more sensitive to her feelings etc etc but in relationships you don't always get exactly what you want.

Dan_Thunder

privateposter wrote: »

People do not just have different sex drives? Well, yes, they do actually.

Actually the word I carefully and specifically used is 'lower', in that once a month is suspiciously low; not 'different'.

flutsy

best thing you can do is don't bring sex up. the moment you do that itll be a turn off for her (because it is an issue). romance her, laugh with her, spend more time as a couple with other people where you flirt but cant do anything. get home and she'll be more in the mood for it.

miss_phish

This is a difficult but seriously common problem. The thing is to find the compromise for the pair of you - which means you're gonna be getting less than you ideally want - is that OK by you?

It's not her with the problem, but the both of you. You can't aim to 'mend' her because in her world she is OK - it's you that is being demanding and therefore you with the problem.

My advice to you would be to get counselling - as a couple. Don't expect counselling to change 'her' and ensure that you get your quoto, instead approach it from the point of view that it'll help the pair of you reach the place where you both feel satisfied and loved.

Good luck xx