Very Different Sex Drives

Lotus-eater

toasterman wrote: »

From the recent posts, it looks like its much more commonly the man who loses interest in sex.

If only that were true unfortunately I don't think it is.
I think men and women are so different re sex, we find it hard to even start to wonder how the other is thinking.

So much of what has been written on this thread is true, yet can we make it work? Can females show males they love them by giving out fantastic sex all the time while not getting love and affection, can males show females love and affection without getting sex........... of course some people can, but alot have to force it and it doesn't last.
It can work perfectly of course, but you are extremely lucky IMO if it does.

musician11

I think a man's got to get into my mind to win me, that means listening and taking an interest and kind of connecting with me, also being a bit elusive and disinterested gets me interested, so maybe switching between both methods?

harryharp

musician11 wrote: »

I think a man's got to get into my mind to win me, that means listening and taking an interest and kind of connecting with me, also being a bit elusive and disinterested gets me interested, so maybe switching between both methods?

I totally agree with that, but reading it made me laugh. Don't you just feel sorry for blokes having to put up with us complicated and contradictory women?!!

From a fellow musician.

Lotus-eater

harryharp wrote: »

I totally agree with that, but reading it made me laugh. Don't you just feel sorry for blokes having to put up with us complicated and contradictory women?!!

Thats exactly what I thought when I saw it and I'm a bloke, so yes I do feel sorry for us. But if you could see what was going on in some of our minds, you would run a mile. Well. in my mind anyway :rotfl:

toasterman

Ah I think men are probably more complicated than other men would think. Ok most men like sex, but in other areas, I can't make decisions. I'm very awkward to live with and buy for apparently.
I've spent so long in my own company that if I'm with someone more than a few days constantly, I start to want to be alone again. Even holidays with good friends..I can't bear being couped up with someone for a week all day and night.
And sometimes, I really don't know what I want at all.. and if I don't know, there's not much chance of anyone else figuring it out!

Lotus-eater

Sound like a normal bloke to me

Lotus-eater

Skint_Catt wrote: »

I've got the same/opposite problem. I'm female and my OH never seems to want it except on Saturday mornings. He's been away a lot recently so at the moment we're having sex once a month or so.

I would love it more (couple of times a week) but because I've had so little I don't really get in the mood myself until he initiates it but then he goes straight for the 'obvious' bit and foreplay and sex is over in 10 minutes! He's always told me he's got a high sex drive and I also know he 'helps himself' in the shower most mornings but when I confront him he says that he does fancy and love me.

We've only just moved in together (renting)and should be making the most of it. I just don't know what to do I'm starting to think I can't go on like this and wondering if its better to end it now before we start buying property together etc.

That is a horrible situation, maybe he needs a bit of guidance?
Men can have very fragile egos though and what one will like, another will not.
Don't "confront", work with, talk with, ask about fantasy's.

You have got to get him used to having more sex with you, he's lived alone by the sound of it for a while.
A sex life you can't always just pick up and run with, it can take time to work out what you both need.

musician11

Seeing as I made you all smile, and I was just trying to be helpful :-) just try it and see if it works...bit of connecting, bit of distance... My other thought is that I do think people have different sex drives, there's no way round that and it's not just the partner you are with, it's innate and some people are just more naturally interested in sex than others and what's not fair here is that to pretend to have more drive than you do with someone who has a high sex drive is bound to cause problems, so ultimately think you've got to weigh up how much this relationship and having regular sex mean to you in terms of what to do as sorry but I don't think she'll change.

gelbean

i'm in the same boat although possibly a little worse, me and my partner have had no sex for nearly 2 years now - he injured himself quite badly (jaw, neck ribs|)and seems to have just gone off it completely. i have tried to be understanding, i have got cross, upset , tried to seduce him , u name it i've done it! and it can be so hard but i'm sticking with it. He won't accept he needs help and so i am doing my best to be patient. His problem is with his jaw and it hurts him to kiss so i can understand why he is not keen to engage in anything.it has also led him to lose a lot of confidence so i am doing my best to help him out with that but it is very very very frustrating sometimes

not got any advice as i am probably the worst person to give it but its nice to be able to get it off my chest as any conversation with OH over it usually ends up in a row!

x

TurnaroundSue

After 26 years together, my hubby are I are finally sexually compatible ..... neither of us wants it!!! :rotfl: