Very Different Sex Drives

Andie2308

Toasterman - a man and his football or cricket or rugby or any other sport shown on the tv in my mans case!

[HTML]Tried dressing up?[/HTML] -
been there tried it made no real difference!

[HTML]Or how about watching some !!!!!! together.. I've only met one man once - in my life, who didn't like !!!!!!....although for many (including me), part of its appeal is that you're not meant to be looking at it.. if you were allowed/encouraged, it might lose something. Then again, I've never had a girlfriend want to watch any with me.[/HTML]
A couple we're good friends with just did this I told the OH and he laughed and said it was stupid, when we first started going out together (4 years ago) I noticed some !!!!!! dvds he had hidden and didn't mention them and now occasionally I mention !!!!!! and if he's had/got any and he denies it even though i've always implied it wouldn't bother me, it's like he's embarrassed to talk about sex etc if that makes sense? he's a really confident, fairly loud person in every other way!

[HTML]I knew a girl a few years back who liked to do it in public places..beaches, caves, cars, fields, anywhere, so long as you were outside and there was a chance of being caught or someone seeing. Sadly I've not met anyone since who was into the idea, because that was a lot of fun.
[/HTML]Will try giving it a go just after my above comment I don't think he'll be up for it!

[HTML]Failing all that, do you have a twin sister?
If that doesn't get him interested, check for a pulse.[/HTML] No twin sister i'm afraid and checked he's stil alive! (sat oppersite me reading a book in fact the exitement!!!

The only other thing I can blame would be that i've gained around 1.5 stone while we've been together although i'm not exactly massive and he's been about 2 stone overweight the whole time we've been together. The last reason I can think of is us moving in together as I expected us to have more chance to get down to it and in fact it's quite the reverse!!!

toasterman

Well that is difficult Andie.

How about crushing up some viagra and mixing it into his coffee? lol.. if he's stuck with a third leg for hours on end, he might want to make use of it.

Come on then - what did you dress up as?

To be fair to him, I've always found phone sex hard.. describing..stuff..my imagination isn't great in that way, and I get a bit embarrassed.
I don't pad it with enough detail either and it seems to end a little too soon..
But watching !!!!!! and telling the person I'm with whether that looks fun or not, I reckon would be pretty easy.
Although I'd be more concerned as to what she might think of me if she thinks what I've got on dvd is 'weird' or whatever.

If he's not into watching !!!!!!, how about doing a celeb and MAKING some !!!!!!?
Either way, you should totally watch some yourself and accidentally let him catch you...

I must admit I've never been in any relationships long enough for a partner to gain much weight, but I've been with larger girls and slimmer girls - and the larger ones are generally more chatty, outgoing, and also more fun in bed.

What about a bit of selfless oral? Surely he wouldn't turn that down...every man loves that!
Not that thats as much fun for you though....

tesuhoha

Try acting like you dont want sex at all and that youve completely lost interest in her. She will soon start wondering what is wrong and the pressure will be off her so she might well start making advances towards you. Also have you tried giving her a bit of what the last poster was talking about. Women love that.

missprint

All the helpful suggestions about how to get the OP's lady 'in the mood' are way off course. The assumption is she needs to get back on track somehow, as if she's lost her way. By her own admission she just isn't that bothered. Been there, done that. My first marriage got into difficulties over this very same issue and I agreed to go to counselling because the pressure was becoming unbearable. The therapists (a man and a woman) started the first session by turning to me and saying 'We are here today to discuss YOUR sexual dysfunction'. MY sexual dysfunction???!!!! MY fault???!!! I wasn't the one whining like a spoilt child every five minutes. I never got over the sheer fury I felt at that moment, when they suggested we try massage as a starter, I vowed he could massage me till his arms fell off - it would get him nowhere. Needless to say the marriage didn't last.

The fact is some people just aren't particularly interested in sex. You can't force them to feel something they don't, and making them feel guilty about it just drives a huge wedge into the relationship. It will take a great deal of understanding to make such a relationship work and I doubt the OP has the patience.

For the record I am now in a blissfully happy relationship of over 10 years duration with a man who is as interested in sex as any healthy male and we have found our equilibrium, neither feels pressured or deprived. I am really lucky.

Lotus-eater

missprint wrote: »

All the helpful suggestions about how to get the OP's lady 'in the mood' are way off course. The assumption is she needs to get back on track somehow, as if she's lost her way. By her own admission she just isn't that bothered. Been there, done that. My first marriage got into difficulties over this very same issue and I agreed to go to counselling because the pressure was becoming unbearable. The therapists (a man and a woman) started the first session by turning to me and saying 'We are here today to discuss YOUR sexual dysfunction'. MY sexual dysfunction???!!!! MY fault???!!! I wasn't the one whining like a spoilt child every five minutes. I never got over the sheer fury I felt at that moment, when they suggested we try massage as a starter, I vowed he could massage me till his arms fell off - it would get him nowhere. Needless to say the marriage didn't last.

The fact is some people just aren't particularly interested in sex. You can't force them to feel something they don't, and making them feel guilty about it just drives a huge wedge into the relationship. It will take a great deal of understanding to make such a relationship work and I doubt the OP has the patience.

For the record I am now in a blissfully happy relationship of over 10 years duration with a man who is as interested in sex as any healthy male and we have found our equilibrium, neither feels pressured or deprived. I am really lucky.

I see, so to be opposite from you and have a healthy sex drive, is so terrible?
I'm not suprised your marriage didn't last with that remark about the massage.
I'm glad you are happy now though.

keelykat

I agree some people have lower sex drives-and they shouldn't be made to feel bad for this. If you have a low sex drive-getting together with someone with a really high one is a bad idea, you'll never be able to keep them happy and yourself happy if you're forced into sex when you dont really want it.

Yes sometimes it is a case of once you get started you enjoy it, being tired etc does put people off and can need encouragement. but if the case is that she/he simply has a low sex drive and really isnt that bothered, you cant force them into it.

Not everyone's compatable in bed, unfortunately. Some people are better off as friends.

Some people really are selfish, others are more understanding.

keely.

Skint_Catt

I've got the same/opposite problem. I'm female and my OH never seems to want it except on Saturday mornings. He's been away a lot recently so at the moment we're having sex once a month or so.

I would love it more (couple of times a week) but because I've had so little I don't really get in the mood myself until he initiates it but then he goes straight for the 'obvious' bit and foreplay and sex is over in 10 minutes! He's always told me he's got a high sex drive and I also know he 'helps himself' in the shower most mornings but when I confront him he says that he does fancy and love me.

We've only just moved in together (renting)and should be making the most of it. I just don't know what to do I'm starting to think I can't go on like this and wondering if its better to end it now before we start buying property together etc.

missprint

OOh Lotus-eater, you miss the point. It wasn't the healthy sex drive that was the problem. It was the constant demanding and whinging, and the fact that both he and the therapists assumed I was the one at fault. He could then sit back smugly and do nothing to change his behaviour while I was expected to somehow conjure up a sex drive to match his.

ceridwen

whew...waded through this thread!

I CAN only speak for myself....as with any of us....

Personally.....I reckon on "doing the deed" when in a relationship whenever he wants it (even if I dont at that time) up to a "reasonable" number of times per week (say 2-4 in my personal opinion). Most of those times I will want to anyway - but I'll still do so even if I dont, as I figure part of a relationship is doing things (not necessarily that!) that you know will make them happy.

On the other hand.....no matter how much I felt like "it" per se....he'd get little (if any) if he'd let his personal grooming slip (ie put on weight/not done the daily shower or bath, etc/wearing dirty workclothes/etc).

Both sexes can let the grooming slip - and then wonder why their partner is no longer so "forthcoming". I have certainly found ways to let previous men know the grooming had to be ratcheted back up to normal (ie when I met him) standards......if they didnt, then the relationship soon turned to friendship, then finished.

But I'm sure O.P. is "bandbox" neat as the day she met him - I'm only talking about my own personal experience here.

Personally speaking - I take the view that if he/she lets their grooming go, then the choices are:

- encourage them to get back to normal
- "let yourself go" to get to the same (ungroomed/overweight) standard as they are (as you will resent looking better for them than they do for you)
- change relationship to friendship
- leave

The option of continuing with a sexlife with them as normal (me groomed/slim and them not) doesnt exist.

To be fair - the O.P. says he does his share of the housework - so I dont reckon thats the problem. Though - I can certainly sympathise with the women who say "he doesnt do his share - so he isnt getting it".....as I would take the same attitude (if I hadnt left him altogether).

toasterman

From the recent posts, it looks like its much more commonly the man who loses interest in sex.

Either that or there's a much higher proportion of women reading this forum.