Very Different Sex Drives

destiny_star2006

get her pregnant lol my bf is over the moon about how much my sex drive has gone up since falling pregnant lol he said he gona re pregnate me again when ive had this one lmao!
But on a serious note my partner wants it everyday and im happy once a week/fortnight as i just carnt be bothered but again once we start having sex its great but im always to buzy lol kids washing irnoning other household duties that when it becomes night time i wanna go to sleep and forget about the day so why not help her out around the house a little and for gods sake wotever you do dont bug her in bed over and over again cos my partner does this and it causes huge arguments!
Ill lift my leg up to put on top of blanket and by the time i go to shut it his hand or god knows what else is there in the way!And thats no joke!
He also sometimes gives me massages on a night time at least 30 mins of pure massage in all areas and slowly moving to the naughty places this tends to work quite well for him get plenty of baby oil etc and your set xx

stebiz

Horace wrote: »

I can see why she has gone off sex, you are treating her like a performing chimp demanding it 3 times a day.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :T

cheltenhamgirl

It sounds like I WAS your other half in a previous relationship OP.

We had a very active sex life, and then it drifted off. I don't think it would have become a major problem, if my OH hadn't kept going on about it. Don't get me wrong, I understand that it was very frustrating for him, but we were probably still doing it once a week or so. However, because he kept mentioning it, kept bringing it up and kept pushing it (even though he was lovely, very loving, did more of the housework than me and was very affectionate) it eventually became such an issue, and I felt so pressured that I literally couldn't even bear the thought of it. I used to dread going to bed, because I knew he would try. Actually, I should point out that most nights after a while he wouldn't even try, but just knowing that he wanted it made me feel even more pressured, and stressed. I guess what I'm saying is that even though you might feel that you're not pressuring her because you don't ask for it every night, because she KNOWS that you want it every night, she will be feeling more and more pressured. It caused massive issues in our relationship, and eventually it ended. Sorry, I know that's not what you need to hear, but what I think you need to do is actually not what most of the other posters on here have said. We tried counselling, and actually that just increased the pressure on me, because I felt like there was an 'end date' to when I was going to be expected to perform again. We also tried 'special nights' - as other posters have said, please don't do this, it ruined the whole night for me, and nothing ever came of it so to speak. I truly believe the best thing my ex could have done was sit me down, and genuinely mean it, say, 'listen, I know you aren't happy, and because I love you, I'm willing to make the compromise. I won't put any pressure on you whatsoever, when/if you're ready, come to me. I will still love you, even if it's only once a month'. Then completely taken a step back, still been affectionate, but always stopped it HIMSELF before it got to sex. Ok, for the first month I would have just felt relived that I wasn't being pushed, but actually, after a while of having no attention in that way, I know I would have initiated it just to check he still fancied me(!) And once the pressure was off, I would have felt so much more relaxed. And we could have got back to normal. I guess what I'm satying is that if you're not careful, this could destroy your relationship. By backing off, you could make things naturally right them selves. I'm pretty sure this would have worked, because with my partner now, we've never got to this situation, although we probably only make it about once a week, he's never pressured me for more (even though there was more at the beginning), and actually I initiate it sometimes because I feel so much more relaxed about it, and often it ends up being more than once a week.

Sorry, typed that really quickly, so it probably doesn't make any sense, and I know it was only my situation, and may not fit yours, but I just wanted to let you know how it feels from the woman in that situation. I wasn't tired or stressed and didn't have any children, so I'm coming from what seems to be her situation. I hope I've helped, and please fell free to ask me any advice or PM me becasue I really do feel that I've been in that situation and it might just help you to get her perspective as I know it was always difficult for me to explain exactly what I mean to the ex.

Horace

OP sounds a tad ungrateful calling people idiots who have tried to help him. I think his g/f or whatever she is should give him the heave ho - her life would be so much better without a whining oversexed boy making constant demands for sex.

OP should seek help from a psychologist to understand why he is constantly sexually frustrated - it must be a problem deep-rooted in childhood. Mind, he could always ask his GP for some bromide (it worked during both world wars when it was given to the armed forces to cool their ardour).

toasterman

I must admit I've read the 1st page and the 7th page of this thread, and nothing in between.. but from the descriptions on the first page, I think I've dated someone very similar.

We'd cuddle, go places together, a lot of hugs, etc. In bed she'd cuddle up next to me, stroke me a lot til I was definitely in the mood, and then seemingly not want to have sex.

I tried talking it through with her - whether it was something I was doing that she wasn't enjoying, or whatever.. but she just told me that she'd never really had any desire for sex at all.
If we were watching a (normal) film or tv show, and a couple happened to end up in bed together, she'd look the other way for fear of seeing any naked flesh. She always felt embarrassed about her, me, or anyone else being naked, she didn't like her body, hated me looking at her...and any sort of compliments from me made the evening really awkward.

We're not together anymore. I guess she's got issues she needs to sort out (or maybe not.. us not having sex was a lot more of an issue for me than her). Either way, talking about it never got anywhere and it was too soon in the relationship to be seeking counseling.

What made it worse is she's the hottest woman I've been out with...I'd say a long chalk out of my league. She could do a lot better. There's nothing worse than being in bed with a woman you think is absolutely beautiful and not feeling like you're allowed to touch her. It's much less frustrating to be in a situation where you don't get so much as a second glance from anyone (my current situation).

Bold-girl

Like Toasterman, I've only read 1st and last posts and this sounds a bit like my relationship at the mo only in reverse. My OH rarely wants s=x, I'd be lucky to get it once a YEAR! We hardly ever cuddle or do anything smoochy at all, yet, he can seem to be quite a loving guy and we get comple
iments on our marriage (If only they knew the truth!)

Last year on our hols I gave him a handjob in the shower because that's how it usually happens these days but if he tries the same for me, he never hits the spot and then usually rolls over and says he cannot do it, it's too tiring and to finish myself off!!!! He's said I could buy a dildo if I want, but that's not the point!

So think yourself luck OP, there are tons worse than you out there. If you want this relationship to work, you can do, but if it's not for you, then split when you can because you only have one life and if you're not happy in this one, then you aint gonna get another one!

Andie2308

Bold-Girl I'm with you on this i'm in the same position - my OH hardly ever wants it either and i'd be happy if we did it everyday, he would be happy with a hand job on a Sunday morning and even then would give it a miss if he was missing match of the day or similar! I'm sure he loves me as he's very loving and does lots of little things for me as well as giving me cuddles and kisses but sometimes I would love him to be mad for it! I do try not to nag though as I don;t think nagging gets you anywhere with anything much in life! Perhaps i'll have to start feeding him oysters or whatever else is an aphrodisiac! (not sure i've spelt that right!)
Guys any ideas to help us?!!

harryharp

Not sure if the OP is still listening as his last post was on 20/12/07. Are you still there, OP? I'd be interested to know how it's going and if you've tried anything that's helped.

toasterman

Andie - I think trying to come between a man and football is a lost cause. Me personally, I've never been interested in any sport, but I know men who would probably miss their own wedding if their favourite team was playing at home and they had tickets.

Tried dressing up?
Or how about watching some !!!!!! together.. I've only met one man once - in my life, who didn't like !!!!!!....although for many (including me), part of its appeal is that you're not meant to be looking at it.. if you were allowed/encouraged, it might lose something. Then again, I've never had a girlfriend want to watch any with me.

I knew a girl a few years back who liked to do it in public places..beaches, caves, cars, fields, anywhere, so long as you were outside and there was a chance of being caught or someone seeing. Sadly I've not met anyone since who was into the idea, because that was a lot of fun.

Failing all that, do you have a twin sister?
If that doesn't get him interested, check for a pulse.

Primrose

Maybe part of the problem is that once a lot of men are involved in a kiss or cuddle, they often automatically assume that it will continue into full blown sex. Often women are quite content, especially if they're tired or stressed, for the intimacy to end at this point and would prefer it to but know it probably won't, so don't want to encourage it. You don't say how long you have been together but it's unrealistic to assume that sex will alway remain at its initial "first attraction" passionate stage. You say your wife has admitted that she honestly isn't that bothered about sex. Maybe you, and/or the sex act really isn't turning her on all but she feels it would be too hurtful to you to admit that because your masculinity might feel threatened. If you're having sex up to five times a month, that is probably more than a lot of long-term relationship couples are having it. Is the frequency worth wrecking your relationship for?