Very Different Sex Drives

privateposter

Hi

My partner and I have very different sex drives and it's starting to cause quite a bit of stress for both of us. At the start of the relationship we had sex most days and it probably stayed like this for a year or more. Since then, and especially over the last 2 years it has become less and less often and now is probably 3-5 times a month. I have a very high sex drive and would prefer 3 times a day to 3 times a month, although realistically even 3 times a week would be loads better. She has said that she has never really been that bothered about sex and at the beginning was partly just doing it for me. I just wondered if many people had been in similar situations (I'm sure they have as i think this is a VERY common issue) and what they did?

Cheers for any advice.

vik6525

With sex, Ive always found its a case of 'the more you have it, the more you want it'...
Can i just ask though, are you 'close' in other ways? For example, do you curl up together on the sofa and have a cuddle? Do you hold hands? Speaking as a woman, those are the things that are important. The feelings of 'closeness' then lead to sex.
Im sure I read years ago that men show love through sex, whereas women need a bit more subtlety...
Does that make any sense????

privateposter

Oh no, nothing like that. I just come home from the pub and want a quickie. No, seriously, yeah we are very, very close like that, always hold hands (in fact someone said how romantic we were for holding hands when we were just walking a shortish distance to the car, which i thought was a strange thing to say). Always cuddle in bed and on the sofa. Talking of sayings, they, whoever they are, say that men have sex to relax and women need to be relaxed to have sex. I think that's often true.

vik6525

Does your missus work? Is she stressed or anything? those things can be a huge deciding factor...

miserly_mum

Does it have to be full blown penetrative sex?

Sorry to be blunt but couldn't she give you a bit of a fumble and a handjob between times?

I know when our son was a baby I was knackered and sex wasn't a high priority but I still "helped him out" if I really couldn't be bothered

I found that most times it started out as me doing my duty and ended up with me getting in the mood after all

vik6525

Just a thought, she hasnt put on, or lost weight or anything lately has she? body 'unconfidence' can be a HUGE thing!

snowmaid

You won't like this, but is there any reason for her to WANT sex?

What I am saying is, how is your 'technique'? Do you spend much time on ensuring she has a good time too?

It's easy to always say the woman has a problem and maybe she does, but it could be that you are just not pressing all the right buttons! :rolleyes:

privateposter

Work, yes she does and has had a very stressful 2 years.
Body issues - nope
Full sex - well, this is a bit complicated. We do occasionally go down the route you have said and that is, at times, fine but It's still quite frustrating, leaves me feeling a bit rejected and a bit like she is a !!!!!. I think we have pretty different ideas about sex and it means a lot more to me than her.
Technique - No, obviously I'm brilliant! Once we do it she really enjoys it as a rule but generally just doesn't want it.

Re work, stress etc, this would all fit, however, a few months ago, when we were talking about it she sort of admitted that she had never really been that bothered by sex. At the start, as said, everything was ok and I had mentioned to her that I thought sex was very important ina relationship (it is fundamentally how we define infidelity but this is another issue) and she agreed. It came out in this recent chat that she was just kind of pretending at this stage to make me happy/keep me/whatever. All the usual answers, complement her, cuddle, foreplay, etc i've tried (i do read women's magazines you know!) - it's more difficult than that. She has said that if she was just left she would probably want to have sex about once a month, whereas I would probbaly say once a day (i'm getting old now!)

Chollita

Three times a day? Not exactly realistic. If you seriously want it that much, you can always deal with it yourself, so to speak ...

privateposter

I do but its just not really the same is it.

relay

Slip some Viagra in her coa coa.